Dear Em & Lo,
I was wondering what women’s opinions of men and sex toys are? For example, if you had a boyfriend and you were having sex, what would you think if he pulled out a Rabbit or a Magic Wand from the drawer? That he didn’t use on himself, he just had it there to use with women during sex.
Thanks, I look forward to your reply.
— Bemused Magician
Dear Magic B,
We, as women, would think: WTF, where has THAT thing been?!? Oh, HELL no. And hopefully most of us would have the nerve to say so outright. It is NOT okay to use toys intended for naughty bits, especially those with mucous membranes (clitorises, vulvas, vaginas, penises, butts, mouths), on multiple partners: it’s not safe, hygienic, or classy. Would you want to use your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s toothbrush? Ew. Even if you had a non-porous toy you could sterilize in boiling water, or you used condoms on all your toys with previous partners, most women still wouldn’t want your cold sex leftovers.
Which is not to say women aren’t into playing with toys with their partners in the bedroom. Many would be thrilled! Especially since some men feel threatened by phallic shaped things that can perform in ways their own penises can’t (namely, by vibrating). So good for you for being open to accessorizing! Just make sure that A) you’ve sussed out her comfort level with such things and she is indeed down before you whip anything out of your magician’s hat, and B) the item in question is brand-spaking new — we’re talking wrapped in cellophane, clearly never been opened, never been used.
The only things we can condone recycling — maybe — are restraints, blindfolds, massage candles, etc…the kinds of things that haven’t come in direct contact with naughty bits, body fluids or excessive skin. But even then, why not make the introduction of a toy into your relationship an event: talk about it together, go shopping for it together, unwrap it together, and then discover all its neat bells and whistles for the first time together — that’s a surprise you can both experience!
Em & Lo