Dear Em & Lo,
I’m a young adult in a new relationship with a guy a year older than me. I have never done anything besides kiss with a guy, and I know that he is definitely not a virgin. I don’t think I am ready to do anything with him, and I know he is going to try something soon. How do I address the fact that I am not ready to do anything sexually with him? I’m afraid that if I tell him I don’t want to do anything, he might get mad and breakup with me, but I’m hoping he’s not that kind of guy. I need help!
Do NOT to do anything you don’t want to do–it’s that simple. Just tell him you really like him and like hanging out with him, but you want to take things slowly and you’re not ready to do anything beyond kissing at this point. If he gets mad and wants to break up with you, then you should break up with him! If you know you’re not ready to get physical, he should respect that. If it’s a deal breaker for him, so be it. You’ll feel better if you stay true to yourself without him than you’ll feel if you get pressured into betraying yourself WITH him. And don’t buy any lame excuses from him about everyone else doing it, blue balls, doing it for love, or doing it for your country. You have plenty of time to explore things sexually as you get older, become more mature, and find the right guy(s) to experiment with in your adult life. Don’t let some jerk rush you into anything before then.
Em & Lo