Dear Em & Lo: My Boyfriend Never Calls

woman_phonephoto by mistress_f

Hello Em & Lo,

I’ve been in a relationship for 4 months and things are getting pretty serious: we spend almost every weekend together. But during the week we only talk to each other a maximum of 30 to 45 minutes every night right before we go to bed. Should I be concerned? I’m really irritated that he doesn’t find the time to call me during the day. Is it me? Am I overreacting?

Call Me

Dear CM,

You’re overreacting. It’s totally you. We thought you were going to say you only talk to each other a maximum of 30 to 40 seconds once each week. Thirty minutes every day is a lot of phone time, especially for someone who might not be a phone person (and many guys aren’t). Man, there are couples who live together who don’t talk that much. If your relationship is otherwise good, don’t be such a nitpicker — appreciate all the good things, including the three and a half hours of intimate quality phone time you’re getting with him each week. And if you really want to talk to him more during the day, pick up the phone and call him yourself. But then don’t be surprised if you’re reading this site a few weeks from now and you see us answering an advice question from a dude whose girlfriend won’t stop bugging him at work.

Thanks for calling!
Em & Lo

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38 Comments on "Dear Em & Lo: My Boyfriend Never Calls"

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3 years 11 months ago

^ Let’s take this situation, for example. One hundred percent of commentators – including the experts whose advice the original writer sought – agree that this woman is over-reacting.

I went a step further and suggested that this situation is almost definitely symptomatic of larger emotional issues. That makes me an emotionally manipulative “gaslighter?” When almost 40 out of 40 impartial observers can agree that she’s out of line?

Sometimes that gas light reveals things we’d rather have left in the dark.

3 years 11 months ago

^ That article places blame squarely on male shoulders while letting women off the hook altogether through a series of sweeping generalizations, selective examples, and self-justifying anecdotes. You don’t think that’s problematic?

The comments section below was far better balanced and more insightful.

3 years 11 months ago

You aren’t crazy. Anyone who calls you that is being disrespectful.

3 years 11 months ago

Thats understood! I miss mine too

5 years 1 month ago

I agree with the above comment to an extent. I don’t think that you’re “needy.” Many people I know talk to their BF’s regularly throughout the day in some form or another, and those who live together do at least make time for dinners and small talk before bed. For others, they’re perfectly happy seeing that person once a month! The bigger issue I see is that instead of dissecting yourself here, think about what makes you feel good. If you want more communication as Jayann said, then you need to find a man who is willing to do that. It’s all about compatibility. Some comments on here seem a little harsh. Certainly neediness is unattractive but some women turn table scraps into gold nuggets. I think there needs to be more emphasis on compatibility rather than making it sound like a woman’s emotional problems if she wants a “sensitive” man (another word I don’t care for). Too genderized.