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Dear Em & Lo,
Me and my bf have been dating 2 years. He used to swing but says he’s not into that life anymore. I have seen text and facebook messages to/from other women where he asks what they are wearing or he’s telling them they look good; he was a code on his phone; he goes to hang out with his friends and comes back with condom in his pocket. Now I’m not a damn fool: condoms come in a pack of 2. But then he says I shouldn’t be going through his stuff. The other day he told me he’s wants to marry me for companionship. We in our mid 30’s. Should I end this relationship?
— Confused
Dear Confused,
Yes.
love,
Em & Lo
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I’ll echo that “yes.” Yes, you should end your relationship.
Let’s put it this way: if you’ve reached a point where you feel a need to go through her or his email, pockets, attempt to break his phone codes, etc., then one of two things has happened:
* You’ve already completely lost trust with them (I think you’re in this situation)
* You’re effectively “stalking” and/or controlling and/or otherwise losing track of the… well… boundary between intimacy and boundaries.
Again, I think you’re in the first situation. But really, either way, if someone in a relationship is feeling compelled to cross those kinds of boundaries then one or the other member should end the relationship.
—
Shorter version (but not as short as Em & Lo’s) would be: Relationship? He’s using condoms behind your back! You’re cracking his accounts behind his back! What relationship?!?!
figleaf