Dear Em & Lo,
I have this little problem that I have no idea what to do about. It seems that every time I get close to climaxing when having oral sex or fingering I can’t help but to laugh. Every time I feel like I am getting close I push away and start busting out laughing. I know it bothers my boyfriend and I don’t want him to think it’s something to do with him, because it’s not. It feels good, and I try to hold out as long as I can, but I can’t help but to laugh. I’d love to get some advice before I hurt my boyfriend’s feelings. Thank you!
— Funny Boner
This sounds to us like a classic case of nervous laughter. You know, like when your teacher is reprimanding you for passing a note in class and suddenly you’re overcome with a case of the giggles. Or your dad is lecturing you on the importance of taking your curfew seriously in order to establish mutual trust, and you can’t help cracking up. In a tense situation, your body wants some kind of outlet, and sometimes it chooses a completely inappropriate one.
Sure, sex is a wonderful thing, but it can also be a tense, anxious time — even if you’re not necessarily aware of it. Could it be that you feel self-conscious when your boyfriend is paying such dedicated attention to you with his hands or mouth? Are you nervous about letting go and climaxing? Do you feel embarrassed that it’s all about you in that moment? Are you worried what you’ll sound or look like if and when you do climax?
If any of this rings true, try sharing your feelings with your boyfriend. Perhaps if he understands where the laugher is coming from — i.e. that you’re not sniggering at his technique or his penis — he’ll be more understanding. Because stressing out about how your boyfriend feels about the laughter is only going to increase the tension level… making you even more likely to laugh. It may also help your boyfriend to know that this is a pretty common occurrence (seriously: just Google it).
There’s also the possibility that you’re laughing because you’re so sensitive down there — a simple case of the tickles — in which case you might want to ask your boyfriend to use a manmade lube: this can help you take more stimulation without getting numb or over-sensitive. If that doesn’t work, ask him to experiment with different forms of stimulation until you hit on something together that doesn’t make you squirm.
Finally, you might want to consider not stifling the giggles sometimes — after you’ve given your boyfriend a heads-up, of course. Some people cry when they climax, some people sneeze, and others laugh — orgasms are funny things that way, and sometimes they’re even funny-ha-ha things. If you’re one of those people whose climaxes are accompanied by laughter, then by trying to hold it in, you may be preventing your orgasm from happening. So let it flow!
Laughing with you, not at you,
Em & Lo