Do It Tonight! Throw Away Your Novelty Toys

sex_toy_storephoto by Foxtongue

You might think “novelty” means “nice, fun sex toys,” but you’d be wrong. It’s actually a legal term for products not intended for serious use. And thanks to A) bullshitty obscenity laws still on the books in some states (we’re talking to you, Alabama), B) no government regulation overseeing the safety and package labeling of sex toys, and C) manufacturers who focus on quantity over quality (i.e., male customers over female customers), many toys in your average adult store are marked “for novelty purposes only” (read: “Don’t use this anywhere near your genitals!”). These cheap, crappy, gimmicky toys are about as likely to get you off as an episode of Larry King Live. They’re often made in China, most likely under dubious labor conditions. And they don’t come with instruction manuals or ingredients listings (which more often than not would include “phthalates,” a potentially carcinogenic material in soft plastics and jelly rubber); if they did come with use, care, and content info, they’d be considered medical devices and would be subject to expensive safety regulations. “Screw that,” say the big-biz manufacturers. “We’ll just keep doing what we’ve been doing for the past thirty years, thank you very much.” Good for them, bad for you. So if you’ve got a toy that has rough seams, smells of stinky soft rubber, gives you a rash, feels uncomfortable, is a cheap knock-off of a popular toy, didn’t come with instructions, and/or came in a box with a cheesy naked lady on it, probably best to break up with it.

For more info, please check out our book, “SEX TOY: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories.”

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11 Comments on "Do It Tonight! Throw Away Your Novelty Toys"

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As with many products, it’s not always the case that the more you spend, the better they are. However, sticking to well known quality brands such as Lelo, you know what you are getting every time.


As a online dealer, I understand what you are saying about alot of crap out there.
If you look up my online store you will see we don’t have junk, and are very happy to here feed back on our assorted toys, lubes and Vod.
As for the lady’s out there who are afraid the someone will see your package it is wrapped in discreet paper back. Google website name as it shows. Humansoftware sex novelties. Click on it and it will take you to links.


I’m curious, who are you quoting in this article? Are you citing any sources? I don’t doubt that there are novelty sex toys that contain phthalates (there’s tons of research on it) I’m just more curious as to why you seem to hellbent on badmouthing the entire industry. I mean, just because one company may do it, doesn’t mean they all do it (thus the comments above).


Portland, Oregon. 🙂

Bi Babe


Has anyone else bought a Feeldoe and found the seams to be rough? I spend a good size chunk of change on this toy, and if used for a long period it rubs my girl and I the wrong way, if you know what I mean. Is there anything I can do about it? It’s an otherwise lovely thing and I hate to chuck it.