Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about love and sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
My husband passed away this past January and since then I’ve had a lot of dreams about him. This is the last one I had two nights ago: I was standing inside a building and saw my car in a parking lot when it started to hail. I saw my husband run up to it and drive it away. Next thing I know, he’s standing beside me in the building and starts handing out grey T-shirts to strangers (three women) and then gives me one that has the word “Arizona” printed on it. I smile at him and say thanks and then we start walking further into the building with a small crowd of people. This is the second time I’ve dreamt of my car and my husband in a stormy situation. What does this mean?
Lauri: I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart is with you. I am glad you are paying attention to your dreams right now because they can actually be a nifty little built-in healing mechanism in that they allow you to safely sort out your feelings and thoughts as well as help you to move through the grief. So let’s delve into this dream and see how your inner nuts and bolts are helping you to work through this really tough time.
The building represents the relationship you built with your husband. The storm and the hail is your current emotional state. You are currently trying to “weather” a downpour of depression and perhaps even a sense of growing numb or cold to things that used to interest you.
The car is your ability to progress and move forward down your road of life, as well as your motivation and “drive” to keep going. It is in a parking lot because when your husband passed, I’m sure you felt as if your life stopped too. You also probably had to put on hold or “park” a lot of things in your life so that you could gather yourself. Your husband drives away in the car because you are still feeling like he has up and left you behind. This also reflects a deeper sense that he has gone on a different journey without you.
Then he’s suddenly beside you. I believe that shows your deeper belief that yes, even though he did leave you, he is still with you. The grey T-shirts represent the depression you are currently in, your sense that all the color has left your life. The three women are most likely different aspects of yourself such as mother, wife, career woman. They are the three biggest roles you play in life that now seem strange to you because when your husband died, it changed your identity and sense of self.
The shirt that says Arizona is interesting. Does Arizona hold any significance to you? Any personal associations? If not, perhaps Arizona is referred to in your dream because it is currently an embattled state and your inner mind may somehow connect Arizona’s battle with your inner battle. Also, Phoenix is the capitol of Arizona and a Phoenix is known to rise from the ashes… just as you will certainly rise again from your grey ashes of depression. That may very well be the main message this dream — or perhaps even your husband — is trying to convey to you right now.
I also believe the small crowd of people you walk into represents the small crowd of people who have gone through the loss of a spouse and that you may want to find and join some sort of bereavement support group, if you haven’t already. Being around and communicating with people who understand what you’re going through will help you to know that you are not alone, and more importantly, that you will be able to get through this and move on with your life. I believe this was a very powerful dream. And I wouldn’t doubt that your husband may indeed be trying to guide you through this heart-wrenching time.
Dreamer’s response: Thank you so much for responding to me. My dream makes so much sense to me now. I’m amazed at how your interpretation reflects exactly how I felt and am still feeling. I did feel as if he had abandoned me and went off onto another journey without me. For the last sixteen years, we’ve always done everything together. I know my husband is okay now because he told me this in a separate dream I had. You’re also correct that I’ve been having a hard time “finding” myself and figuring out who I am without him. The depression hits me really hard some days and things I used to love to do, I could totally care less about now. Most everything I did, I did for him and now he’s not here to do things for and it’s like, “What do I do with myself now?”
As I was just fixing to type out and tell you that the “Arizona” T-shirt made no sense to me either, it hit me that I have been to Arizona. Richard and I went on our last vacation together on 7/31/09 for seven days and part of the trip was to the Grand Canyon. I had this dream the early morning hours this past Saturday, 7/31. I’m wondering if he’s trying to tell me something or just wants me to remember the good times we had together. I don’t know…
As far as the grief support group, I have looked into it. I thought I was doing okay without attending one, but maybe, in light of this, I should attend after all.