Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
Just for some context: this was just after a fight where my boyfriend wanted to take a break, and I definitely didn’t. I’m notorious for starting little fights, and he’s notorious for escalating them. Obviously this puts a lot of the blame on me, because if I don’t start fights, he won’t escalate them! I finally convinced him that I wouldn’t start fights anymore, because they were making us both miserable. Right after that we went to sleep, and I had an incredibly intense dream:
I was working in what seemed like a department store with a girl who I’ve never seen before but was apparently my friend. Our manager was this guy that I was incredibly attracted to, in a way I have not felt in a VERY long time. I wanted him bad. He kept flirting with me, finding things for me to do with him so he could get me alone. He knew I had a boyfriend and I kept pulling away, flirting back and wanting to be close to him but not actually kissing him and trying hard to not do anything I’d have to tell my boyfriend about. I wanted to be close to him, but I knew I couldn’t and didn’t actually have sex or kiss the guy in the dream.
I woke up feeling incredibly guilty for “dream cheating” or almost “dream cheating.” I really wanted this guy in my dream, I was more attracted to dream guy than I’ve felt towards my boyfriend in a long time! And I feel absolutely terrible about it.
Lauri: Your dream is a fabulous example of how sleeping on (I prefer to say dreaming on) a problem can really bring about an answer. Although, unfortunately, many of us don’t get the answer because dreams speak a different language. Let me reassure you that this dream was nothing to feel bad about but rather was a pat on your back from your subconscious!
Whenever you are attracted to someone in a dream, they usually represent a quality that you would like for yourself in real life. Look at who the object of your affection is… a manager. He is not some guy out there waiting to steal your heart but rather he represents your own managerial skills. In other words, he is the part of you that can – and did – manage your relationship. Your ability to recognize that you are the one who starts the fights and your decision to work hard at not starting the fights anymore is how you have decided to manage the relationship.
And your inner mind is pleased and very much likes this managerial part of you, hence the strong attraction in the dream. Also, notice how hard you try to NOT hook up with this guy is the dream? That is directly connected to your trying hard not to engage in conflict with your boyfriend. Your dream is letting you know that it’ll be tough, but you’ll “manage.”
Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s free Dream Dictionary on her site.
I am much less profound in my interpretation. I think dreams are dreams and you should be able to have a good time in them.
On a side note, I don’t think you’re more guilty if you’re the one who starts fights and he’s the one who escalates them. The two of you have conflicts you need to work out. Often men don’t bring up conflicts in relationships. Maybe you need to find better ways to bring up the issues and maybe he needs to find better ways to respond to conflict without defending himself too aggressively. Instead of deciding to never fight, both of you should learn how to fight well. Look for books by Gottman.