Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
Okay. First a little history. About two years ago my husband cheated on me and got the “other woman” pregnant. A lot has gone on since then and I remained with my husband. Now, I’ve never liked this chick from the beginning. So. After all has been said and done and we are all (sorta) comfortably pretending the others don’t exist, I keep having dreams about her. First that she lived in my neighborhood. Then that she would come to my house with her daughter. (She is NOT welcome anywhere near me.) Then that my family would invite her to family functions (never in a million years) then get mad at ME for getting upset with it. I dream about this once or twice a week and I wake up incredibly angry every time. I get that I have unresolved issues with this, but what’s up? Why does it keep invading my head while I’m sleeping?
Lauri: Eshet Chayil, my dear. A woman of valor you are! I don’t know that I could have stuck it through…but you did and so now we have these dreams to sort out. Your dreams have progressed because your anger has progressed and your anger has progressed because the pretending is becoming less and less comfortable for you. Reminds me of the song of the old woman who swallowed the fly and proceeds to swallow increasingly larger animals, each to catch the previously swallowed animal to the point that she finally swallows a horse and dies! In the same way, this must be slowly killing you to keep having to swallow reality.
The progression your dreams are showing you is that this indiscretion which resulted in, basically, another family, is slowly but surely invading your normally peaceful state of mind. While she is not in your neighborhood, nor in your home, nor attending family functions, the awareness and pain IS VERY MUCH in your neighborhood, in your home and at your family functions — because wherever you go, so does the pain.
Why does it invade your sleep? Because you are “comfortably” pretending it does not exist while awake. And what we ignore while awake rises to the surface when we sleep because it must be dealt with. As long as the pain exists, so will the dreams.
Remember how Mom would always nag you to pick up your room, stop slouching, clean your plate and so on? Well, your mom’s got NOTHING on your dreams! Girl, they will nag you to death! They will not let up until there is some kind of resolution. Clearly, “comfortably” pretending is not working for ya. Might be time for a counselor and some serious introspection because this is no way to live. Good luck to you!