Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
Hi, I have been having this recurring dream about my boyfriend of seven years. The first one I had we were at our house and there was a party going on. Everyone was having a good time and me, my mom, and my best friend were at the counter doing shots. When I turn around there is this guy that has no pants on. I jokingly tell him to go put his pants on,= then I realize that my boyfriend is missing. So I go in search of him upstairs and find him in my bed with some blonde chick. He turns to look at me but there is not the normal response you would expect, instead he turns with this smug expression like he was satisfied that he hurt me. Next I am dragging this girl by her hair down my steps. My mother asks me what I am doing; I tell her what happened and she takes the girl from there. I go back upstairs and attack him, repeatedly punching him in his face. Then I wake up bawling, shaking. After that dream I couldn’t sleep in my own bed for a week. I thought I was fine but then I had another — but in this dream he had forgotten something important and this girl calls me and says don’t be mad at him we were a little busy last night. Like it was okay that he was with this girl. In the dream I then call him and say, “What’s the deal?” He replies that he has fun with her and he can do what he wants and with whomever he wants. Then I woke up. But it really bothers me because he is always at work or so he says. I want to still be able to trust him but after having these dreams it’s hard.
Lauri: Let me reassure you that dreaming that your mate is cheating on you is the most common dream we all get and it rarely means that is actually the case. So if these dreams are the only reason you don’t trust your boyfriend, you need to do some re-evaluating. You mention that he is always at work — that right there is very likely the cause of these dreams. As far as your dreaming mind is concerned, his work is the third wheel in this relationship. When our mate spends too much time, attention and focus on something that does not involve us, we get the cheating dream. It happens because we feel “cheated” out of the time we want with our mate.
Let’s take a good look at this first dream, as I think it may speak volumes about your relationship! You are with your mom and your best friend. They are likely representative of the roles you play in the relationship. Would you say you are your boyfriend’s best friend? And do you also nurture and “mother” him? Perhaps even nag him as well? The party atmosphere suggests that, for the most part, your relationship is a good time! The guy without the pants is an interesting element to this dream! You tell him to put his pants on. Keep in mind that dreams are a conversation with the self. What you are really doing is telling yourself to put some pants on, i.e. take charge! Has his work schedule been bothering you? Have you been wanting to put your foot down about it?
After the pants incident is when you realize your boyfriend is missing. Whenever someone is missing in a dream it means we miss them, we aren’t seeing them as much as we would like. See how this is all tying together? This is why, when you find him, he acts as if he is proud. Remember, the girl represents the third wheel in your relationship: his work. He must be proud of his work or at least the time and effort he puts into it. The anger and pain you inflict upon these two is directly connected to the pain and frustration you must have over all the time he spends at work.
And notice in the second dream the girl tells you, “Don’t be mad at him. We were really busy last night.” Remember, dreams are a conversation with the self. You are telling yourself not to be so angry. His work keeps him busy.
Basically, your dreams are alerting you to the depth of your frustration over all the time he spends working. Maybe I’m a little old-fashioned, but I’m not so sure you can dictate to him what his work schedule should be…not until the “I do’s” are exchange, anyway. But you can let him know that it often leaves you feeling out in the cold. Maybe he can rearrange his schedule. But if he’s not in a position to do that, then you may want to fill your empty time with friends or a hobby — anything that gives you something to focus on besides the fact that he isn’t there.