Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a woman asks Lauri:
I had the strangest dream involving my ex. I generally try not to think about him — he came out of the closet and I was devastated. I haven’t spoke to him in over two years, and I haven’t really dated anyone else either. Anyway here is the dream:
He and I are outside. I am sitting down at a table and he is trimming shrubs. Well he is really cutting all the leaves off and leaving only a small branchy stub. I am sitting at the table and he comes over saying that he’s tired and wants nourishment. Then he presents a hot dog. He offers me a bite, but I decline (although I feel really hungry in the dream). He offers again, but I decline again. Then he and I drink pink champagne together, but really it tastes like raspberry Schweppes (the ginger ale.)
Usually I can’t remember my dreams at all, but with this one not only do I remember; I can’t stop trying to decode it.
Lauri: I can only imagine how confusing and upsetting this must have been for you, and why you have done nothing but try to figure this out ever since. That is certainly what this dream is about… and that is what dreams are for, after all — figuring things out. So let’s delve right in, shall we?
Your dream takes place outside because he came “out” to you. And this news was probably “out in the open” for everyone else too and may have even become the gossip de jour. (You may want to ask yourself if that’s what was more devastating, the break-up or the gossip about it.) The shrubs point to the fact that he didn’t really “beat around the bush.” And he is trimming them so short because your inner mind feels he has “cut off” any opportunity for your relationship to grow and flourish. The hot dog he presents to you is exactly what you probably thought it was. Tis a very phallic symbol indeed! He presents it to you in the dream because in real life he wants you to accept that he is gay and that he “hungers” for the male anatomy. Interesting that you continue to decline even though you are hungry. Did he want to remain friends but you declined? I think your hunger in the dream indicates that you miss him.
The pink champagne is also interesting. It represents celebration. He probably was very happy to finally come out and be who he really is, and that is a call for celebration. The champagne is pink because, well that is a popular color for many gay men. But it winds up tasting like ginger ale to you because you are probably feeling cheapened by the situation and have a less than pleasant taste in your mouth.
I think this dream was very important and was trying to help you heal and accept what happened. You clearly cared about him. But you’ve let this hurt you to the point that your friendship is over and you haven’t moved on. He wasn’t trying to hurt you, betray you, do anything behind your back or get rid of you. He trusted and cared for you enough to open up and tell you the truth. I’m sure that was very difficult for him but also something he had to do for himself, for his own truth. Understandably, you weren’t in the mood to celebrate his “coming out” back then, but it might be a healing thing for you to do that now. Maybe you could look him up, see if you guys can’t get together, catch up and toast each other with a flute of pink champagne!