“I think you guys would love Woody Wipes,” went the email we received this week. “We are helping women around the U.S combat musty balls.” Um, yeah. We think that possibly the only thing creepier than seeing a box of baby wipes (adorned with a chubby Gerber baby face) next to a guy’s self-love lube in his nightstand, would be to see a box of Woody Wipes, adorned with a cartoon dude clutching a wipe and giving a self-satisfied thumbs up. Is there a phrase less sexy in the English language than “Woody Wipe”?!
Okay, okay, we admit (and have said so ourselves, as a matter of fact): Baby wipes — sorry, personal hygiene wet wipes — are actually a great idea for bedroom clean-up, either before or after a sesh. And the Woody Wipes’ tagline, “Does smell matter? Yes!!!” is something we’re down with, even if we didn’t need those extra two exclamation points. So perhaps it’s just the marketing and branding we take issue with, like their suggestion that the wipes are “great for freshening up the genital area after the gym, nightclub, or sexual activity.” The gym?! Any guy who expects a little post-gym oral attention without showering first — but hey, Babe, I Woody-Wiped! — is probably the kind of guy who’d find it hilarious to proudly display his Woody Wipes on the coffee table.