How to Greet a Former One-Night Stand

photo by //steph_vee.

We know you’re not perfect. At some point, most of you will walk out on a one-night stand without so much as a “Thanks for the sex!” Post-It note. We don’t condone this behavior, but we can offer an emergency guideline, should you happen to bump into this person at a later date. However, this is the etiquette equivalent of the morning-after pill — don’t rely on it as routine! Here are some ways you might approach your former one-night stand — mix and match as you see fit:

The Ice-Breaker: “Excuse me, don’t I know you?”

The Inquisitive: “Hey, how’s it going? Had any good one-night stands lately?”

The Small White Lie: “I tried to wake you, but you were in your R.E.M. cycle and couldn’t be roused.” (Our least favorite.)

The Big Fat Obvious and Therefore Funny Lie: “Sorry, I had to get home to wash my hair.” (Much better!)

The Better Late Than Never: “I forgot to leave this with you the other day.” (At which point you pass a note that includes above-mentioned witty banter and self-deprecating joke — to be sure, it is a tad involved, but it could work if jotted down quickly on a cocktail napkin after bumping into this person at a bar.)

The T.M.I.: “I started to get the beer runs and didn’t want to taint your bathroom.” (Sure to guarantee the platonic nature of your relationship for all eternity.)

The Projection: “I can’t believe you left without saying goodbye.”

The Here Are My Manners: “Sorry I left without saying goodbye. That was so rude of me. Let me make it up to you and buy you a drink. And don’t worry, I promise not to get us both wasted this time.”

From our bi-weekly Metro column — see it in print here.

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3 Comments on "How to Greet a Former One-Night Stand"

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Spes: Googling this was much more fun than folding laundry, which is what I’m supposed to be doing… •”All I wanna do is make love to you”, By Heart This song is about a married woman who can’t conceive with her husband so she goes about having one night stands with strangers to get herself preggers. “So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily And in the morning when he woke all I left him… Read more »

Wasn’t there an 80’s song about that?

Madamoiselle L

Worst way ever: “Hey, how are you doing? Oh, I’d like you to meet your son.”