Reader subgirl said the following in response to our post, “He’s Kinky, She’s Vanilla, Is the Relationship Doomed?” Heads up, everyone in a mixed-cone, chocolate-swirl-slash-vanilla relationship, there is hope!
I am a submissive woman and I have a wonderful vanill-ish husband who plays along with me. We communicate our needs to one another. Anyone who tells you this is only about humiliation and degradation and weak women getting walked on like door mats has watched too much porn. Absolutely be true to yourself. I could not agree more with that statement.
BUT if you’re going to agree to get involved with a kinky partner then please, for the love of god, go learn something about it. There are many books on the subject.
Do not ever take another person’s fantasies and make them your own. If you are open to exploring, then try to discover your own fantasies, likes and dislikes, and then communicate them. And any Dom worth a squat will want you to learn, on your own, from many sources.
The lifestyle can actually make a relationship very close and intimate if you learn about it, work it like a journey, and open up communication with your partner. You do not ever have to be into pain or bondage to be involved in the lifestyle.
And I am anything but a mindless door mat.
