Some hashtags come and go on Twitter faster than a teen boy on prom night. But #RuinADateInFiveWords is still going strong, and it’s been weeks now! That’s some stamina worth paying attention to. Here are some that have been posted just in the past hour or so: I’m not thirsty, Mr. Cosby by @JohnFugelsang and What size fursuit you wear? by @DailyFiasco. Though the winner, at least, in our opinion, is, Oh, it’s my playdoh dispenser (click on the link for key visual hint – the original poster deleted the Tweet, apparently publicity shy). Anyway, bad dates are our speciality, both professionally and personally (though, happily, the latter is now ancient history). So here are our top 20 contributions to #RuinADateInFiveWords:
1. You’re not a feminist, right?
2. My mom chose this shirt.
3. I write my own jokes.
4. You just yucked my yum.
5. Sex is better without condoms.
6. But I like to top.
7. I thought you meant ice-cream.
8. Your place? My mom’s home.
9. But my ex loved that!
10. You’re a really good person.
11. What’s wrong with baby talk?
12. But the guy always pays!
13. Do you have a sister?
14. Discussing our STDs is unsexy.
15. No, really, pull my finger.
16. I don’t bother to vote.
17. Gotta run, my soap’s on!
18. Hillary just seems so bossy.
19. Sex toys are a crutch.
20. Where is the handcuffs key?
“Oh SH*T. The condom broke.”
“I still text my ex.”
“Relationships are not my thing.”
“I’ll have the garlic bread.”
Real one from an early date I went on:
“I’ll have the chili nachos.”
I see you’ve already decided that this date is not going to turn intimate.
“Fuck, the cops – buckle up!”