Last week we wrote about how to spot a hipster in the wild. Inspired by that, we decided to put together our own guide to spotting hipsters. Here are our top twenty ways to know you’re having sex with a hipster.
1. Hipsters love to 69.
2. Hipsters love to make sex tapes using their iPhone 4S.
3. Hipsters love the idea of open relationships, but they prefer booty calls with good buddies.
4. Hipsters love ironic tattoos in secret places. Yes, that’s a rainbow tramp stamp you’re looking at.
5. Hipster guys love to shave their a-holes.
6. Hipster girls love to shop for sex toys at Shag Brooklyn.
7. Hipster guys love to fantasize about the Suicide Girls, but they’d really rather hook up with someone they went to college with.
8. Hipster girls love to fantasize about being a Suicide Girl, but they worry too much what their dads would think.
9. Hipsters love screwing to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. They like making love to Neutral Milk Hotel.
10. Hipsters love to leave their hat on.
11. Hipsters prefer “c*nt” to “p*ssy.”
12. Hipsters loved the prostate before it was cool.
13. Hipsters love to offer sugary kids’ cereals as a post-coital snack.
15. Hipsters believe women should come first.
16. Hipsters love handjobs.
17. Hipsters claim to love all kinds of threeways, but they’re really just comfortable with the MFF variety.
18. Hipsters’ feet always smell in bed due to their ratty old Converse low-tops.
19. Hipsters would make more eye contact in bed if their hair wasn’t in their eyes.
20. Hipsters love to have sex in positions you’ve never heard of.