Our contributor Antonio Reis, a first year at Wesleyan, has a confession to make:
Is it normal for a guy shy of 20 to want to sleep with a 50-year-old? Would society really frown upon me doing a woman three decades older than me?
What if it was Madonna?
Yes, one of my wet dreams is doing The Holy Mother of Music, in all her acid-rock glory. It would be a rough-and-tumble event. I’m quite sure those muscular ripples — she does have the body of an immortal — would beat up my appendages, which at the moment resemble Amy Winehouse’s. In her one-piece leotard, channeling the days of ABBA, a glowing disco ball turning above us, we would perform positions that would make the Marquis de Sade gasp. Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body.
When I tell friends, they look at me and laugh, as if I’m joking. What they don’t realize is I’m dead serious. It blows my mind that the world doesn’t feel the way I do. (At least Louis Vutton agrees with me, having chosen her to be the face of their brand this season. And it’s high time Louis V brought some flossy flossy up in that joint.) I just want to connect to the sky / future lovers fly there in mission style. And in my fantasies, Madge and I are future lovers…
Being ousted from my dorm room and sent back to my suburban nightmare of a life, I have kept myself alive by setting the “Confessions on a Dance Floor” concert DVD to repeat. I sit atop my bed and watch the modern masterpiece. It opens with Madonna riding men as if they were horses. Green with envy, I watch the professional dancers as Madonna’s ivory thighs pound against their bare torsos. I muffle my cries so my parents won’t hear me pining and lamenting in my bedroom. I feel like a virgin, touched for the very first time, when I experience Madonna’s canticles of creativity.
Someone once told me that if Madonna weren’t famous, I wouldn’t think of her as sexy. The person also said Madonna was nothing to be lusted after. I asked the idiot in question if he had a death wish, for that’s heresy in my book. And to those who crack wise about her age, I paraphrase Shakespeare and say “Your jealousy shapes faults that are not.” In other words, you wish you could hump a glowing boombox or snag A-Rod!
I am positive that Madonna’s celebrity status is not what makes her attractive. Of course it’s a plus, but what really makes her so damn sexy is her ability to evoke hope and wonder. When I watch her shows or hear her music, I am inspired to go forth and fix all the wrongs that clutter our world. When she stops mid-show and tells a screaming fan “We can do anything!” I am almost brought to tears as I realize that yes, I can do anything. Madonna puts everything in perspective for me, like a religion. She’s the guiding light in my life, my lucky star, but I’m the luckiest by far.
— Antonio Reis