Before you can create a masterpiece, you have to understand your medium. Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to sex. Which is why it’s important to go beyond the basics you learned back in high school health class and regularly give yourself lessons in adult sex ed.

When you know the anatomy of yourself and your partner (and all their potential variations), when you can name and pinpoint parts, then everything becomes much less mysterious and intimidating. You’ll realize men (with male reproductive organs) and women (with female reproductive organs) aren’t that different after all, which helps put opposite-sex couples on a more equal playing field. You can also better manipulate your bodies at will to get the pleasurable responses you desire.

Again, there’s much more to your genitals than what you learned back in middle school sex-ed. And info on the Internet is often either too clinical, too out-dated, or too just-plain-wrong. So familiarize yourself with new-and-improved biology lessons in books like our sex manual “SEX: How to Do Everything” and regular posts on this site like:

• 10 Things You Should Know About the Clitoris
• Ladies, Here’s the #1 Thing You Must Insist on for Better Sex
• What Is the Female Equivalent of the Penis? (Probably Not What You Think)
• How to Introduce Your Guy to His Prostate
• Rethinking Male and Female Anatomy
• Vulva Vs. Vagina — There’s a Difference, People
• Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Kegels
• The 10 Best Intercourse Positions for Smaller Penises
• What Is the G-Spot, the P-Spot, the PS-Spot, the C-Spot and the A-Spot?

But don’t stop there: Take time to know thyself – thy physical self. Explore your genitals with your eyes and hands before, during, and after arousal. Get an up close and personal view of your parts. Use a hand-mirror. Use your fingers to feel what you can’t see. Notice how arousal affects their shape and color. (Men with standard parts definitely have the advantage here, as more of their parts are external, but the guys can still benefit from a more deliberate assessment of cause and effect.)

Once you’ve familiarized yourself with your own anatomy, do the exact same thing with your partner – make it a kinky doctor’s exam, if you like (with your partner’s consent, of course). 

Self-exploration may sound hippy-dippy, but people used to say that about yoga, too. We encourage you to get off your bums, stop relying on instinct alone, and take an active interest in your machinery and how it works. Not only will it get you orgasms, it will get you improved orgasms.

The better you know your own body, the better you’ll know (or come to know) your partner’s. The more you like and accept yourself, the more you’ll believe you’re entitled to sexual pleasure. All this will give you sexual confidence. And the more confident you are in bed, the better shot you have at a screaming good time.

So be patient. Masturbate on a regular basis. Show and tell your partner what you like. Vow never to fake again. Don’t chase your or your partner’s orgasm with a blind vengeance. But don’t give up on it either.

And that’s one to grow (hard) on.

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