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Telling People Not to Get Married Young Makes Them Narcissistic

September 23rd, 2014

Reader Joseph recently took us to task for our advice to a twenty-four-year-old woman who said she likes her co-worker more than her boyfriend, but feels like maybe she should stay with her boyfriend because they have a “solid” relationship and her friends and family adore him. Our advice, in a nutshell, was, “Be twenty-four.” Have fun, flirt, date around, don’t settle down, etc, etc. But according to Joseph, it is exactly this approach that is causing young people to be so narcissistic and immature. Here’s his comment; what do you think?

Yes she is 24! So she should be mature enough to not think like a 15-16 year old kid. The problem with today’s society is that it keeps young men and young women in the ” kids” status by claiming you are too young to settle, in other words today’s philosophy is ” your too young to take on responsibility. No wonder today’s society is so narcissistic and immature, people back then at 16 plus where mature and forced to take on responsibility for their own live, stop using you are only 24 years old excuse to keep people in the Peter Pan syndrome, she is 24 she should be an mature adult and if she is not is time to become one. Grow up article writer.

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Your Weekly Horoscopes: 09-22-14

September 22nd, 2014

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
You call it “free-spirited”; we call it “about as evolved as a dog sniffing another dog’s poopy-butt.” Don’t come crying to us when you die alone.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Jeez, talk about specific. We hope your town has some kind of charity run coming up. Or even a charity chicken dance. Because the stars reckon that if you take part in an event that is both “sporty and charitable,” you might meet someone special. If you can’t find anything pre-existing, then we suggest you give fate a helping hand and organize one of your own. And it’s not cheating if we say it’s not.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Wear your heart on your sleeve this week. For once, a pigeon isn’t going to choose that very moment to poop all over it.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Never one to shy away from trying something new, you will sign up for that new anti-stress class where you spend thirty minutes straight laughing like a hyena, or take that underwater basket-weaving class at your local school of continuing education, or go to a high-colonic spa. This will increase your chances of meeting someone “special.” Don’t hesitate to tell someone you like them, especially after they’ve just had two pounds of year-old feces manually pumped out of their abyss — nobody riding that kind of high could say no to your advances.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Sometimes the planets align just so for one, sole, humble purpose: To make you dynamite in the sack for a week. Forget about world peace or tidal changes, this is all about a booty call of stellar proportions. So for booty’s sake, make sure you’re in some kind of sack this week, otherwise it will have all been for naught.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
You’ll find it hard to keep it in your pants this week. May we suggest keeping it there until someone takes it out for you?

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
This is so like you: The person on your romance plate both stimulates and repulses you, kind of like meatloaf. You won’t know what to do. So instead of just gracefully putting the napkin on your lap, picking up your silverware and taking slow, small bites, you’ll probably freak out and end up rubbing the meatloaf all over your naked body right there on the dining room table. Which may or may not be a bad thing.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
You’d like to think that that fascinating creature is laughing at your jokes because they’re funny, is asking for your help because you’re all-knowing, and is hanging around all the time because you smell good. But you’d be wrong. They probably just want you to introduce them to your friend.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Do you want to know how to make friends and influence people? Are you ready for the secret? People have made millions of dollars hawking books and hosting seminars on the subject, and we’re about to dish the goods to you absolutely free. Just because we like you — it’s that simple. The secret is that simple, too: You’ve got to ask questions and listen to the answers. Got that? Ask someone questions about them…and…then…wait for the answer…and listen to the answer…and…ask them another related question to show you listened and understood. They’ll talk all night while you listen, enraptured. They’ll probably talk their way right into your pants, in fact — assuming you don’t have three heads, you don’t stick them with the bill, and you don’t tell them it was all part of your cunning plan to bed them.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
It’s like you just found a pair of sneakers with the initials M. J. on the tongue, and every time you wear them, booty is a slamdunk, no-contest affair. But don’t forget to take off the sneaks every now and then, lest you contract a nasty case of athelete’s foot.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
People from different backgrounds will interest you this week. This may mean you’ll hook up with a vegetarian hippie. Then again, it may mean it’s finally time to come out of the closet.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
We know that blind dates probably leave you colder than a witch’s tit. But obviously they must work occasionally, right? We can’t all be such suckers that we continue to let our annoying co-workers set us up with their sister’s aunt’s yoga instructor’s vet when there’s no chance in hell it’ll lead to anything good, right? No, we’re not. Studies have shown that one in three hundred-and-forty-seven blind dates will lead to a lasting connection, while one in fifty will lead to a hot anal encounter, and one in five will lead to some kind of boot-ay. This week, the booty gods are looking kindly upon you, so get a friend to hook you up with their third cousin, stat!

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Your Call: My Husband Won’t Give Me Oral

September 22nd, 2014

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE*
Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

Okay, So me and my husband have been together almost 3 years married for 2 and he’s only given me oral 3 times! I am very clean down there and I won’t have sex without first taking a shower. Apparently he’s had bad past experiences with ex girlfriends having a smell down there, but I wasn’t aware he hated it so much since he did it while we were dating. It really hurts my feelings that he won’t do it, I am his wife he’s seen me give birth and he’s very open to everything else sexually but not this. I’ve tried to deal with it, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life never getting oral I love oral! I’ve tried bringing it up to him and he treats it like a joke… I give him oral all the time and I love doing it but since he won’t return the favor I’ve started to do it less often and resent it. I am really at a loss and don’t want my marriage to be broken up over this.

– Downtown Girl

What should Downtown Girl do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.


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Men Don’t Skip Sex When Their Bodies Aren’t Perfect – Neither Should Women

September 19th, 2014


by YourTango  |  photo via flickr

The first time I saw Crazy, Stupid, Love and the completely unforgettable scene where Ryan Gosling‘s character takes off his shirt and Emma Stone’s character says, “It’s like you’re Photoshopped,” I cringed. It wasn’t just that, “OMG, are you effing kidding me,” that came with those abs, but because I just don’t get it. That’s right, I don’t “get” washboard stomachs, six packs, or whatever they’re being called these days. If you put Ryan Gosling and Zach Galifianakis in front of me, I’m going to with Zach, and I’m not going to have to think about it for even a split second. I’m all over that … and his beard.

A recent study commissioned by the release of the film Bad Neighbors, found that when it comes down to women choosing Seth Rogan or Zac Efron, it’s actually guys like Rogan who win the ladies. Three in four British women would rather get their love on with a dude who has some fluff, and 96 percent of women “predict a date with an abs-obsessed bloke to be positively dreary.” Well, yeah, is it ever fun to go out with someone who doesn’t order dessert?

But why is this the case?…

Read the rest over at YourTango.com: What a Big-Bellied Man Can Teach You in the Bedroom

Dream Interpretation: I’m Gay But Keep Dreaming About My Straight Friend

September 18th, 2014

photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’m a gay guy, 23, and I’ve been having dreams about my straight best friend – either sex or making out or just being romantic with him. I’ve known him since I was 14. It’s getting a little weird. In real life I don’t believe I fancy the guy, and I certainly don’t want to, as nothing good is ever going to come from that. He’s really open but I’m 100% sure he’s straight. Last night I dreamt I was just holding hands and kissing him and felt amazing about it. Is it just a dream and I should make nothing of it, or is it telling me something?

Lauri: It rubs my fur the wrong way when someone dismisses a dream as “just a dream.” I understand that it’s what we tell ourselves to shake off the realness of the dream, but the truth is, a dream — no matter how disturbing — is a very powerful message from you, to you and about you.

Your dream, while confusing, is a powerful message as well. It’s not a message encouraging you to ravage your friend, but rather a message reflecting the intimacy of your friendship. While there is no sexual intimacy between the two of you, there is probably emotional and intellectual intimacy. Make out sessions in dreams usually reflect deep conversation in real life because, like kissing, it takes two mouths to communicate.  The deeper the kiss in the dream, the deeper the conversation in real life.

Sex in dreams often reflects a “coming together” of the minds. And sex is the ultimate union, two separate bodies joining together as one. The dreaming mind will use sex to symbolize how you may have united politically, emotionally, religiously, etc. with someone else.

This is why so many of our sex dreams involve someone we are not attracted to. It’s not the physical union you want but rather the psychological union you need.  So yes, make nothing of your dream being about the physical plane, but do make something of it being about the psychological plane. You and your best friend are friends for a reason! You two have a united front psychologically. You totally get each other. And rest assured, now that you know what the dream means, odds are you won’t get it again.

Visit Lauri’s brand new site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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The Best Animal Kisses from Getty Images

September 18th, 2014

When you do a search for “sex” on Getty Images, you get a lot of interesting results — so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a superlative series of Getty “sex” search images. A lot of the animal-themed images that come up are just adorable kissing photos, so today, it’s decidedly PG in the animal kingdom. (Stay tuned for the bird kisses next week!) Enjoy…

Read the rest of this entry »

Comment of the Week: An Easy Trick to Avoid Ruining Your Relationship Forever

September 17th, 2014


photo via flickr

One reader emailed us their best relationship advice, not in response to a specific post, but just ’cause. So we wanted to share:

Me and my girl broke up after 8 years together. She was wonderful and I was a fool. I did everything wrong. So my advice is:  if you’re thinking of doing something wrong towards your other half, close your eyes, imagine your life without her/him and if it looks better, do your thing. The heartache and depression I’ve been feeling is awful. It’s like being punched in the gut every minute of the day. Def would do a lot of things differently if I had it to do again.

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10 Best Things About Married Sex

September 17th, 2014

Married sex is like the redheaded stepchild of the booty world — at least, according to TV and movies. In that world, married sex is overly lit and played for laughs, whereas all the other kinds of sex — casual sex, new sex, cheating sex, ex sex — get the sultry soundtrack and rumpled sheets.

So we are here to remind you of ten reasons — yes, we managed to come up with ten — why married sex is awesome.

1. You Have Advanced Degrees in Each Other’s Bodies

You know where to let your hands wander — and where not to. Your partner knows exactly what you like — and what you can’t stand — so you won’t ever again have to figure out a nice way of saying, “What is that weird thing you keep doing with your nose during oral sex? And can you please not do it ever again?”

2. Good Sex Can Happen Fast When You Need It To

Those advanced degrees mean that sex doesn’t always need to take an hour. Because five minutes of getting the job done is better than forty-five minutes of ineffectual dilly-dallying, especially when you have to be up with the birds the next morning. Also, it’s okay to say, ”Wanna have sex as soon as my show is finished?” In fact, sometimes that’s all it takes to get in the mood.

3. Sex Can Be Hilarious

All the stuff that used to mortify you when you were single and dating is now more entertaining than a reel of news bloopers: unexpected bodily emissions (a well-timed queef can be entertaining for days); trying and failing at a complicated position; accidentally getting certain substances in your ear during the money shot; a pillow that keeps getting in your way like an unwelcome third wheel; etc., etc.

4. You Can Be Fully in the Moment

Yeah, yeah, we know there are kids and work problems and dirty laundry and all the usual life stuff that can distract you from good sex. That’s life. But you’re not distracted by thinking, Does this person really like me? I wonder if I’ll ever hear from them again? I wonder what they think of my boob size/penis size/oral technique? Should I stay the night? Will I climax? Did my partner climax? Did they just wince when I got near their nipples? Where did my nose ring go? And so on and on and on and on.

5. You Make Your Own Normal

Forget about the Joneses, they’re not sleeping in your bed. When you’re married, you’re each other’s yardstick for what’s “normal.” If you like sex once a month — and the two of you agree on this — then that’s your normal. If you both like a strict diet of missionary, then that’s cool too. You swing every other Friday with the neighbors? Then it’s just your typical Friday night. Whatever positions, whatever schedule, whatever approach — whatever works for the two of you is all good, and screw everyone else.

6. Kink Works Better

Really naughty sex requires negotiation, communication, and trust. When you’re married, you (should) have these things in spades, and they’re not buzz kills, either! So you can experiment with bondage, power roles, sharing fantasies, even pain, and it’s much less likely that someone will end up in the emergency room (or in tears)! Plus, the more intimate and domestic and settled your day-to-day life is, the hotter it is to break out the handcuffs at night.

 7. STDs Are a Thing of the Past (If You’re a Monogamous Married Couple)

So long, condoms. So long, crabs. So long, douchey partners who lie about their sexual history. So long, that late-night panic of, “Is that herpes or just a really big pimple?!”

8. Simultaneous Orgasms

Sure, these aren’t guaranteed with married sex, but the more times you sleep with the same person — someone you love and trust and are committed to — the more likely this is to happen. You know each other’s timing, each other’s bodies, each other’s hot spots, and you’ll be comfortable bringing vibrating toys to bed to help even the orgasmic playing field. (You are comfortable doing that, yes? Because if you’re not, then you’re not doing married sex right!)

9. You Can Take Each Other for Granted

Not that you should do this all the time, but you’re allowed to do it some of the time.  Assuming you have a healthy marriage and you communicate well and often, sex will probably be there for you when you need it — at least at some point, even if it’s not as often as you’d like. You don’t need to hit the town and hope you get lucky. You don’t always need to shave your legs. You don’t need to suck in your stomach and present your good side. Warning: If you take married sex (or your married love) for granted too often, you may find married sex less reliable than it used to be!

10. You Can Get Better

Sex doesn’t automatically get better over time, but it does if you want it to! And having sex doesn’t necessarily make you better at sex — after all, everyone is different in bed — but having sex with the same person, over and over again, absolutely makes you better at having sex with that same person. In other words, married people have no excuse not to be sex gods and goddesses — at least in the eyes of their spouse!

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How to Convince Two (Straight) Guys to Have a Threeway

September 16th, 2014

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “How can I can convince two hetero dudes to have a threeway with me?”

Straight Married Guy (Ben): What you really need to do is figure out if the MMF threeway is a “Yes,” a “No,” or a “Maybe” for these guys. Yes? No problem — go for it. No? it’s never going to happen – stop wasting your time. Maybe? Well, then it’s negotiable. And, while it’s easiest just to come out and ask, you can also test the waters by sharing “a sexy dream you had,” or confessing a fantasy after a few drinks. Truth or Dare can be a good gateway game to finding out who’s a “Maybe.”

The “Maybes” are the ones that need convincing, and what that really means is setting some ground rules. Maybe it’s no guy/guy touching. Maybe it’s lots of touching but no kissing. Maybe it’s only one cock visible at a time. Whatever. If it’s a “Maybe” for your guy, the question becomes, “What do you need to make this threesome happen?” And that is a question that can be answered.

Straight Single Guy (Max): Barring the possibility that you could trick these “hetero” dudes into your lair (using beer, snacks or Ahnold movies) I’d say that your best bet is to try and wiggle your way into the arms of two friends or, even better, the bromance. Face it: a lot of guys go by the super homophobic rule of “as long as the balls don’t touch,” so you’re much better off finding two guys that are as comfortable with one another’s body as they are with their joint egos. After that, your best policy is honesty. You can’t be coy about getting two guys at the same time, so I’d say be up front: “If you boys want me, you’re going to have to share. I’ll be in that room. Come find me?” Oh, and please end any threeway with a lot of high fives. They’re free, and you deserve it.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark):

1. Get them drunk.
2. If that doesn’t work, you’re on your own. And when you find out, let me know.
3. “Dudes”?

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC, and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.