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Your Weekly Horoscopes: 11-17-14

November 17th, 2014

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
If your mind’s in the gutter but your ass is on the La-Z-Boy, chances are the only person you’re going to be talking dirty to is your teddy bear. If you’re looking for a more interactive experience, as it were, you’re going to have to get out of the house every once in a while. Though, if your dirty talking skills are a little rusty, practicing on your teddy bear is not the worst idea in the world. But if you do any more than talk, we don’t want to know about it.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Aggressive or pushy action will push back and slap you in the face this week, so take the quiet approach and let any potential candidate for love come to you and sit on your face.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Make your move — you won’t be sorry. (And if you are sorry, don’t come crying to us; we’ve got very good lawyers and we haven’t lost a case yet.)

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
You are cruisin’ for a bruisin’ of your heart (and other organs) if you don’t ease up on the quick and casual, purely physical trysts. Animal lust is a beautiful thing, but so is Barbie, and we all know she’s not the first person we’d want around when the shit comes down. There’s something to be said for having a partner who has more between their ears than rubber-smelling air.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
If the art of seduction is like a fine wine, then you’ve been drinking too much Strawberry Boone’s. You’re about as subtle as a blonde joke. Watch how your friends do it: Trust us, they’re better at this game than you are.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
This week, it’s like you’ve got a flashing red neon sign around your neck that reads “I love you” or at least “I’ll do you” — whichever is more of a sexual turn-on to those jamming on your groove. Brace yourself for the action that’s coming your way, cause it won’t all be good: Imagine a defensive lineman in full gear running your way at full speed with a bouquet of roses. It’s okay with us if you choose to run.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
When you’ve got a lot of hotties tugging on your pants and none are asking the annoying questions like ” Wanna go steady?” or “Where is this relationship going?”, it makes juggling seem like a viable option. But there is such a thing as too many balls in one person’s life. Pull your pants up and force yourself to ask an equally annoying question of at least some of your tuggers: “Why don’t we just be friends?”

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Your spirit is a wild bird, and it cannot be tamed! It soars high over potential mates, taunting them with droppings. Some will flap their wings and try to touch the sky with you. But only a special few will be able to catch up. Those are the kindred ones, and they’re the keepers. If we’re still making sense to you, then you’ve been reading these horoscopes far too religiously for far too long.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
The stars are always down on secret affairs. Just once we’d like them to say, “Hey, Sag, this week is perfect for lying and cheating.” Now that would be a little slice of heaven. But it ain’t ever going to happen. Because no matter how much pull they have with the tides, they can’t make illicit affairs morally conscionable. Damn them!

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
This week, embrace your inner sensualist and set the scene. Don’t worry about being labelled a soft jazz hippie; if you light a scented candle and break out the essential oils for a quiet night in with your partner, it’s like a tree falling down in a forest — no one will know. If, however, you put Yanni on the stereo, it is nothing like a tree falling down in a forest: Your neighbors will hear it. Hell, people can tell that shit just by looking at you.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
It’s not your birthday, but it might as well be, because guess what? The stars insist that you play the field this week. Apparently your head and your heart are going in different directions, or something like that. What do you care, though? You’re too busy getting busy to notice.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Whoa, Nellie. You’ve been wooing with the tenacity of a paparazzi photographer of late. Hang back a little, play it cool–that hottie is not quite ready for their close-up with you yet.

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7 Key Rules for Buying a Quality Sex Toy

November 14th, 2014


The Mona 2 — a toy designed by our sponsor LELO that fits all our criteria below¬†(cupcakes not included)

There are countless toys out there to choose from — unfortunately, not all of them will get you to your happy place effectively, or even safely. The sex toy industry, which is largely unregulated, is littered with manufacturers and distributors who are more interested in quantity than quality. Fortunately that’s changing, as consumers become more educated and demanding. So keep these 7 important rules in mind when shopping for a battery-operated friend: Read the rest of this entry »

New “Fifty Shades of Grey” Trailer

November 14th, 2014

 

It’s like the tingly excitement you felt in your stomach as a kid as Christmas approached with the promise of your most wished-for present, except now that tingling is lower, the holiday is Valentine’s Day, and the present is the film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. The second trailer was released yesterday and it’s already approaching 2 million views on YouTube!:

Not bad, not bad. But not great either: Too much dialogue betraying the lack of chemistry between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, and not nearly enough male toplessness. We can see more clearly that Grey’s hair is just not coiffed properly. Plus, it just doesn’t have the same suspense now that we know for sure there’ll be no full frontal on Dornan’s part — not even partial side, a la Affleck in Gone Girl! The first trailer was better: sexier Beyonce song, steamier innuendo, and just more hope:

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5 Phrases Women Need to Say More

November 13th, 2014

by Ms Brenda Della Casa for YourTango  |  photo via Wikimedia Commons
Never walk away muttering to yourself again.

Anyone who has ever walked away from an exchange mumbling the things they “should have said” knows the crushing defeat that comes with not reaching deep into one’s vocabulary and putting together that one punchline phrase that would embolden a boundary, silence a bully or crush an inner critic. Thanks to many stumbles (and plenty of practice), I’ve found five phrases that never fail in those trickier situations that too often leave us at a loss for words.

1. “That’s not going to work for me.”
We’re all told that compromising is a good thing, and it is. UNLESS it’s your health or value system. Take, for example, the time I dated a guy who told me “we can just use condoms” when I demanded he have an STD test (uh, no), or the time I had to explain to my boss that missing my girlfriend‚Äôs wedding in order to help him catch up on work he should have done the week before was not going to happen. Now, if you’re like me and abhor confrontation, don’t fret. It’s a fallacy that one has to be pushy to push back. A gentle-yet-firm, “That’s not going to work for me” supported by a brief explanation and an alternative solution will usually do the trick. Those who respect you will respect your honesty and boundary-setting. Those who don’t? Why would you worry about them?

2. “It’s OK for me to feel this way.”

I once spent an entire year feeling bad about a breakup. The first six months were spent crying over the loss of the relationship, and the next six months were spent punishing myself for the time I “wasted” crying. Uh, is there anything worse than feeling bad about feeling bad? Talk about a double-whammy. While it’s not always verbalized, the truth is strong people wallow, worry, cry, and get stressed, too. The good news is that there is often a breakthrough in those breakdown moments, and stress often leads to brainstorming new ideas as to how to deal with life as we know it. It’s when we are hiding under-the-covers and chasing our tail for a prolonged period of time that’s concerning (and if that is happening, reaching out for professional help is also a sign of strength).

3. “Do not speak to me like that.”
Newsflash: Bullies don’t just hang out by the jungle gym. They’re everywhere: online, in the supermarket parking lot, and sitting in powerful positions in the corner office. Worse, they’re bringing stress that far exceeds handing over your lunch money. I once had a boss who loved to belittle me. Whether it was my opting for heels over boots in winter or my latest “pedestrian” blog post, it felt as though she was taking notes to send to God to prove I was a total failure as a human being. I spent two years dreading her presence while trying to kill her with kindness, but nothing worked. Finally, after enjoying a full-blown panic attack in the company kitchen, I realized that it was time to take a stand.

Just as she began to dissect my outfit, I looked her square in the eye and found the courage to hit back with a powerful phrase that stopped her mid-sentence: “Do not speak to me like that.” The look of shock on her face was all I needed to know that I had just shifted our dynamic forever. I walked away and she never picked on me again. Since then, the phrase has worked no less than a dozen times to stop a drama before it starts. Bottom Line: Brutal bosses, passive aggressive colleagues, jealous¬†frenemies¬†and nagging neighbors who can’t say something nicely should not be allowed to say anything at all until they can do so like a human being.

4. “This is not about me.”
In my late twenties, I found myself in a relationship with an anomaly. I dated the only man on earth who was never at fault for anything, not even cheating on me. In fact, he did just about everything he could to convince me his sleeping with someone else was¬†my fault¬†for not supporting his career enough (say what?). His teflon-don approach to life and¬†love¬†was annoying to most of the outside world, but for me, it was utterly devastating. I wasted too much time trying to make sense of his nonsense instead of realizing that, while accountability is an essential component in all healthy¬†relationships¬†(including the one with yourself), sometimes you don’t need to take half of the blame‚ÄĒor any of it, for that matter. I finally accepted that his issues were his–and would remain his– regardless of who he was with and left. It was the best decision of my adult life. The next time you‚Äôre dealing with someone who refuses to compromise, communicate, or otherwise resists a respectful and healthy exchange, say, “This is not about me,” and remove yourself from the situation. They may not like it, but taking the words of someone who is struggling to find a lifeline in their current chaos would be a dire mistake.

5. “I am happy for you!‚ÄĚ
Listen closely:¬†Happiness¬†begets happiness. Sure, it’s a bit of a zinger when your best friend meets the love of her life while you’re still swiping right or your ¬†colleague drops twenty pounds while you’re struggling to get motivated. But understanding that someone else achieving their goals doesn’t mean there’s one less achievement available to you will make life a whole lot easier. The next time you find yourself with a desire to rain on someone’s parade (even internally), smile and tell them how thrilled you are for them and be inspired by their joy. They’ll not only appreciate your generous statement, they may even be more inclined to help you down your own path to happiness.

Brenda Della Casa is the Author of Cinderella Was a Liar, The Managing Editor of Preston Bailey, A Huffington Post Blogger and the Founder of BDC Life In Style. She is usually found in the gym hitting the speed bag to Eminem, having a wine-down with friends or writing with her beloved Chihuahua, Tony Che Montana, by her side.

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This article originally appeared on YourTango: 5 Phrases Every Smart Woman Needs In Her Vocabulary, STAT

Dream Interpretation: I Married a Stranger

November 13th, 2014

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that I was marrying a complete stranger. In my dream I was preparing to walk down the aisle but I forgot my shoes. As I was putting on my shoes I looked up to see the groom and realized I didn’t know who he was. As I walked to him I noticed my legs getting weak, I had to get help from one of my aunts to walk down the aisle. When I got closer to the groom my father, who has been dead for 7yrs, was there to give me away. There wasn’t a ceremony, my mom just had us sign some paperwork and then we were married. I felt nothing for this man. We didn’t even kiss. The whole time all I could think about was one of my close guys friends and wishing he was here. I’ll admit I’ve always loved him but we were only friends. After the reception I keep wondering if my friend was mad at me for getting married. So I decided on my wedding day I didn’t want to be married to my husband anymore.

Lauri:¬†You have had the classic “mystery groom” dream that so many women before you have had and so many women after you will have. It is such a common dream because we, of the fairer sex, often struggle with utilizing our balls, to put it lightly. That’s what the unknown groom is in your dream… your metaphoric ballsy self. He is unfamiliar to you because you may not feel comfortable utilizing this side of yourself or you may not even recognize this part of you. But in the dream you are about to be united with it in marital bliss! What this means is that, at the time of this dream, you were considering making a commitment to this side of yourself.

You have a couple other symbols in here that point to a need to be more assertive.
Your lack of shoes = not feeling sure footed or not feeling comfortable “putting your foot down” and your weak legs = not feeling strong enough to stand up for yourself or not feeling strong enough to move forward with a decision.

I can’t help but have this sinking suspicion that your struggle to man up is connected to your feelings for your friend. Have you been thinking about telling him your true feelings? That would certainly take some balls. I understand your hesitation. At the end of your dream you made a decision that you did not want to be married anymore, which likely means in real life you decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with your friend. You may have chosen the best course of action. I can’t say for sure though. Maybe people can give you their thoughts in the comments. But just remember, if you have decided not to pursue a relationship with this friend, don’t allow your feelings for him to crowd out any other romantic possibilities for you.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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Comment of the Week: Revenge Will Make You Feel Worse

November 12th, 2014

photo via Flickr

This week, Tony had some very sage advice about whether or not to get revenge on a cheating lover:

I’m in the camp of “skipping revenge.” ¬†When I’ve felt vengeful and lashed out, I feel worse afterwards instead of better. ¬†You’re giving extra time and effort towards someone who isn’t worth it. ¬†Confronting him, telling him how you feel, and being clear that he isn’t worth any more of your time may be cathartic and would be fine, I’d think. ¬†I certainly wouldn’t egg his car or hook up with his friends out of revenge. ¬†Plus, by hooking up with his friends, you’re using (and potentially hurting) them as well as getting into relationships that you may not want to get into. ¬†If they’re his friends and he’s a cheater . . . do you really want to be with them?

The other girl sounds quite immature, frankly. ¬†How you treat your enemies says a great deal about your character. ¬†Also keep in mind that however she treats him may be how she treats you in the future if she feels hurt or slighted by you. ¬†If she’s willing to act out towards one enemy, she’s probably willing to act that way towards ALL of her enemies. ¬†Enough said.

Lastly – you mentioned that this is the third guy who has cheated on you. ¬†I do not want to engage in any victim blaming, but I would take a long, hard look at how and why you pick the guys you do. ¬†This sounds like a pattern, and if you want to change the pattern you need to be self-aware, identify what’s going on, and change it. ¬†I say this as a man who was in an abusive marriage and went to years of therapy afterwards. ¬†One of the most empowering and liberating things that I have ever done is to compassionately look at why I made the choices I did that led to that marriage, because it gives me much more confidence that I won’t repeat my own pattern. ¬†Again, this is not meant to blame you at all, but to encourage you to understand your past and claim your own power so that you can have a better future.

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7 Ways to Fight the “Mommy Problem” from Within Your Relationship

November 12th, 2014


photo via Wikimedia Commons

We loved Heather Havrilesky’s “Mommy Problem” article in the Times this past weekend, about how “the culture demands that every mother be all in, all the time.” And we’re not alone, clearly: We’ve lost count of the number of our friends who have given it the “yep” response in their Facebook feed. Responding in Jezebel, Tracy Moore writes:

It’s still strangely odd to me when someone says, “What’re you up to lately, just being a mom?” Yup, JUST BEING A MOM. Just MOMMING IT UP. As if people can’t reconcile that being a person is a complex interrelated set of roles that are on and off at any given moment and often overlap, and that this is true for everyone ALL THE TIME, not just women! It’s almost always said to me by men, by the way, who are almost never pigeonholed in this way. They are men, and people, who happen to be dads at various moments when they are actually doing dad stuff.

We wish we could change this culture in one single blog post. We wish we could change men’s attitudes in one single blog post. We wish we could fix the Mommy Problem in one single blog post. But in the absence of a Feminist Fairy Godmother to grant us all these wishes, we’d like to offer this advice instead: While we wait for the culture to change (and do everything we can to change it, of course, along the way), here are seven small ways you can fight the Mommy Problem in your own relationship and help erase the contradictory caricature of ideal mothers as “sexy but sexless,” as Havrilesky writes. After all, moms are sexual creatures, too.

1. Insist on Coparenting

At least whenever possible. Nurturing, cuddling, tickling, boo-boo Band-Aiding, dinner-making, homework-helping, party-planning, cleaning — these are all parental responsibilities that can and should be shared by fathers. (Similarly, mothers should feel free to mow the lawn.) Of course, some delineation is necessary and often enjoyable, but living as if mothers possess something in their DNA that makes them uniquely — i.e.¬†solely — qualified for caretaking is dangerous retro Mad Men b.s. Coparenting will help you feel less like you’ve given up your entire identity for your kids, while enriching your partner’s experience with and connection to the kids (not to mention setting a good example for them of what gender equality is all about). Plus, a dad who can change a diaper in 20 seconds flat is HOT!

2. Don’t Let Your Partner Call You “Mommy”

When you two are talking with the kids, that’s totally fine. But when it’s just the two of you having an adult conversation, or even when the two of you are having a one-on-one conversation in front of the kids, call each other by your names. “Let’s thank Mommy for this awesome dinner” is okay. “Hey Mommy, where’d you put the car keys” is not. After all, you are a multidimensional person, and not actually the mother of your partner. (However, if you as a couple would like to use “Mommy” or “Daddy” in a kinky way in the bedroom, that’s totally up to you! We won’t judge.)

3. Make Dates with Your Partner

It’s an oldie but a goodie. With so much on your plates as parents, it’s easy to put the kids to bed and then crash on the couch together, night after night, in front of mindless TV for an hour or two to unwind. And we’re not suggesting you deny yourself this simple pleasure entirely. But you have to give yourselves the opportunity — regularly — to remember why you had kids together in the first place, why you fell in love in the first place: because you enjoyed their company and wanted to have sex with them for the rest of your life! Going out just the two of you, reminiscing about the past, not talking about potty training and after school activities, can help you reconnect to this truth. And we’re not talking about going to the same restaurant and ordering the same dish every Tuesday at 8pm — these dates, at least occasionally, need to be new and novel for both of you, in order to help maintain the spark.

4. Get a Lock for Your Bedroom Door

You don’t have to keep it locked all night, if that freaks out you, or your kids, but at least latch the door for fifteen (or so) minutes while you’re getting busy. It’s good for your kids to know that you as parents need and deserve, not necessarily sex, but quality alone time, at least when they’re old enough to be self-sufficient for the length of a quickie. Play music, or a white noise machine, to help drown out any noise from the other side of the door.

5. Have Morning Sex

Set your alarm ten minutes early for a reason other than your offspring. It’s a good way to do something for yourself before you and/or your partner pack lunches and backpacks and drive the kids to school. It’s kind of like wearing really raunchy underwear and not telling anyone.

6. Play with Power Roles in the Bedroom

Be the boss in the bedroom, and then let your partner be the boss the next day. Be demanding, and then be meek. Ask for exactly what you want and need… without saying please. Say please and beg a lot. Then realize that you can shrug off these roles as easily as a pair of underwear.

7. Treat Yourself to a Decent Vibrator

We get it — sometimes after a day of being groped by kids, the last thing you want is to roll around in bed with your partner. But there are other ways to find a grownup kind of release, remember. Take five minutes of me time with your favorite LELO pleasure object¬†while the kids are watching a show. Because one of the best things about vibrators is that they allow you to be completely selfish for once!

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Your Call: Is Revenge a Dish Best Served Cold or Not at All?

November 10th, 2014


photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Hi Em & Lo,

Love your article “10 Things That Feel Better Than Getting Revenge on an Ex.” Although I completely agree with your points, I just found out my ex was cheating on me. The other girl he was seeing found me on Facebook and we’ve been talking. On one hand, I don’t want to give this jerk any more of my time or energy. But on the other, this other girl is insisting on revenge (making gay dating profiles, egging his car, hooking up with his friends… high school stuff). I know we’re better than this, but this is the third time I’ve been cheated on. He looked me the eyes and told me he would treat me right. That I could trust him… So I can’t help but want revenge this time. I’m sick of being the bigger person, even though I know it’s the right thing to do. I just can’t seem to walk away from this and move on.

He doesn’t know we know about each other and I think he at least deserves to know he didn’t get away with this. But what do you suggest, Em & Lo? And if it’s to be the bigger person… how did you guys find the willpower?

Thank you for hearing me out :) ,

– A Woman Scorned

What should A.W.S. do? Leave your advice in the comments below…

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Your Weekly Horoscopes: 11-10-14

November 10th, 2014

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Your attention span for relationships currently rivals that of the average Buzzfeed reader. Consequently, don’t dabble in anything too serious ‚ÄĒ- instead, surround yourself with a poo-poo platter of mini-flings to suit your tastes. Maybe next week you’ll grow up a bit. . . uh, we mean, be ready to make a few important decisions.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
If we had a dime bag for every time the stars told us to convey the message “Flaunt what you’ve got and you’ll get the attention you deserve,” we’d be stoned out of our minds. Fortunately the stars don’t deal in narcotics, so we’re still clear-headed enough to be able to tell you this: Flaunt what you’ve got and you’ll get the attention you deserve.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
If you live in the north of the U.S. like we do, there’s some unseasonably mean cold weather coming your way this week (they’re calling it the “Bomb Cyclone,” which we guess is supposed to sound a lot scarier than “Polar Vortex”). In other words, you should find someone cuddly and bunker down with them for the week. We’re thinking Olive Kitteridge (HBO On Demand), red wine, and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. If you’re single, may we suggest you get on Tinder, stat, while it’s still warm enough to head outside and meet your blind date.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Don’t just sit there thinking about your love life (that’s our job) -‚ÄĒ get out there and do something about it. Like what, you ask snottily? Well, let’s see, things that won’t get you a date include: whining to us, whining to your therapist, whining to your goldfish, trimming your toe nails. Things that might get you a date include: going to your 5/10/15/20-year high school reunion, joining a community service group, actively using online personals, becoming rich and famous. Oh, and if you do get a date, trim your toe nails first.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Ironically, staying very busy this week will be the key to finding someone to lie around in bed with all day.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Apparently you will be a silver tongued communicator this week. So we recommend setting your sights a little higher than simply using your new-found oratorical skills to order a particularly complicated sandwich at the deli.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
You should consider wearing one of those “keep back fifty yards” t-shirts this week. Proximity to hotties will get you all flustered, and not in an endearing way -‚ÄĒ we’re talking pit stains and clammy hands. If you don’t want someone to see you lose your cool this early on in the seduction process (and trust us, it won’t be pretty), then keep your distance. And wear deodorant.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Sitting around worrying will not solve all your problems. Neither will yoga. There, we said it: There is such a thing as a problem that yoga can’t solve, despite what all the celebrities claim. (And who believes them, anyway? When they say that yoga gives them that special glow, it’s just Hollywood code for bulimia, plastic surgery, and a three-hundred-dollar facial. Hi, Renee Zellweger.) But anyway, you’re too broke for the facial, and too smart for surgery or an eating disorder. So hit the town with some good friends, instead; it’s twice the therapy and doesn’t leave scars or rot your teeth.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Put a collar on yourself and hand your date the leash. Let them lead the way. Better to see where they’re going rather than taking off for the nearest fire hydrant and embarrassing yourself. (We don’t intend for you to take this advice literally, unless you’d like to dabble in a little BDSM role playing . . . in which case, don’t use a real dog collar but a made-for-play one, and always lead from the front!)

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
We talk a big game here about not assuming exclusivity in a relationship until you’ve had “the talk,” but dating in a plural sense is not for the faint of heart. No matter how honest you are with everyone involved (you have been honest with everyone, haven’t you?), you can only keep it going for so long before someone starts to get upset, pouty, jealous, or psycho. We’re only human, after all, and “thanks so much for the great head, I have to go shower for my next date” doesn’t make anyone feel warm and fuzzy. It might be time to make like the Bachelor/ette and start kicking some of your followers to the curb. If you can arrange to have them picked up in a limo, that would be a nice touch.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
You won’t have any trouble finding love this week, but if you are too accommodating and decide to spread yourself around, you may hurt someone’s feelings. There is something to be said for monogamy. And that’s not even coming from us monogamy whores -‚ÄĒ that’s coming straight from the stars!

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
You wouldn’t happen to have feelings for more than one person, now, would you? Come on, you can tell us. Maybe you’re feeling just a little tug from someone in another direction. . . We knew it! We have no advice for you, we just wanted to see if we were right.

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