Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!


5 Signs You’re Dating a Pickup Artist

May 14th, 2015

You’re a straight woman, and you like this guy. You have fun, you have chemistry, and then you have sex. At which point, he seems to disappear. But not totally. Sound familiar? Chances are he’s read the Pick Up Artist lit and is following it to a T. Below, read up on the 5 tell-tale signs that’s he’s a PUA from our MVP commenter, Johnny:

1. Engages in “Push-Pull.” Yes, in PU lingo that’s the name of the ‘move’: he’s keeping you off balance by pulling you in one day and pushing you away the next. It can work like a charm and get you hooked.

2. Takes you on an emotional roller coaster. Just repeating PU theory here! Which claims that women live for this emotional up and down. PU theory would hold that if he were just a nice guy who liked you as much as you like him, you’d be bored of him already. So he’s not that nice to you.

3. Has slotted you as a fuck buddy (if you’ll forgive the crassitude). He is following prescribed PUA protocol for keeping a woman slotted as a FB (stays distant to begin with – “once a week” is actually the recommendation – and he backs WAY off when you push for more). This leads probably means that you’re one of multiple women in his life. Guys only act this way when sex is abundant in their lives.

4. Withdraws from commitment. With every push YOU make — with every demand for more time, more attention, etc. — you drive him further off.

5. Only engages in low investment/high reward activities with you. He cooks for you at home, invites you for a movie at home, only hangs out with you if you’re DTF (down to fuck), only texts/phones to arrange logistics — these are all standard PUA moves.

So there it is. He might like you, but he likes his independence and his multiple partners more. You’re probably not going to get more out of him than this because — abundance — he doesn’t have to give you any more than this to get his needs fulfilled.

Stay tuned for more from Johnny on the types of PUAs out there and ways to engage them (should you choose to do so — hey, it’s your life!). 

MORE LIKE THIS FROM EMandLO.com:

 

Comment(s) of the Week: Detectives Em & Lo Are On the Case!

May 14th, 2015

We recently received two very suspicious comments to the post “Your Call: Do Bigger Penises Lead to Different Orgasms for Women?” (which have since been taken down).

First, at 12:04am this morning, Thursday, May 14th, someone calling themselves “MSTT” wrote:

Exactly man. All women like big dicks. But they value other things more you know? emotional things, vibes, etc. All women love the feeling of being filled up by a bigger penis. 99%. But we want more than that. Peace out. Im nicole.

Then, immediately after, at 12:09am this morning, another comment was made by someone called “Linda”:

All i know is my last boyfriend had a really big penis and it felt nice, only thing i miss about him. And yes, bigger penises feel better. And ladies:when i say “bigger” you know i mean girth mainly. Write that down guys out there. Bigger is better. Yes.

Well, we put our deerhunters on, whipped out our magnifying glasses, and got to sleuthing!

  1. This post, while popular, is over a year old. What are the odds that two different people would comment on the same post in the middle of the night within minutes of each other?
  2. …basically making the exact same point and having the exact same horrendous punctuation?
  3. The first commenter, MSTT, initially sounds like a man talking about women, but then switches gears midway through the comment and becomes a woman, mysteriously and suddenly renamed “nicole.”
  4. These two comments are given different bylines, but they were generated . . . from the SAME EMAIL ADRESS! Dun dun dun! 
  5. But not only that: the email address contained the very male name of “Matt.” [audible gasp!]
  6. And here’s the most damning evidence that these comments were pure bullshit: their identical message was, well, bullshit. Sweeping generalizations made about an entire population meant to prey on insecurities, stir up anger, inflame gender wars, and basically make people miserable with silly lies. Dumb. Immature. Completely false.

The moral of this totally solved mystery? Don’t take the bait! And take any advice you find on the Internet (except ours, of course) with a grain of salt…and perhaps a margarita.

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com

 

6 Ways Technology Has Altered Your Love Life

May 14th, 2015


by Kylie M. for YourTango | photo via Flickr

Behold, the wonders of the Internet — changing your love life one social network, dating site and app at a time. Communicating with partners is more instant than ever before — but possibly also more complicated.

According to our recent Dating In The Digital Age survey, 75% of you have experienced lovers’ quarrels caused by miscommunications through technology. Sound familiar?

Even how we share news about our love lives has been greatly altered from our new devices. Just signing onto Facebook, you can find out an acquaintance from middle school is engaged or your 15-year-old cousin is newly single.

Take a peek at just how technology has revolutionized your relationships, from how we meet people to how we tell the world we’re getting hitched.

 

1. Flirting

Then: You actually had to leave the house.

Going out
imgur.com

Now: A hot date is just a click away.

before and after tech
reactiongifs.com

 

2. Hearing From Your Crush

Then: After a few months of waiting, you’d finally get a response from a deeply personal love letter you mailed him.

Oh goodie
reactiongifs.com

Now: He’ll respond to your message a few seconds later, possibly via SnapChat.

before and after tech
Reddit

 

3. Getting Ready For A First Date

Then: You’d freshen up in the bathroom in front of the mirror.

getting ready
imgur.com

Now: Selfies are new way to check yourself out — and so are the friends you send them to.

before and after tech
reactiongifs.com

 

4. Talking To A Cute Guy

Then: You had to muster up the courage to make small talk … can you imagine?

I like you a lot
imgur.com

Now: You text him things like…

reactiongifs.com

 

5. Realizing The Guy You’re Seeing Is Also Seeing Someone Else:

Then: “I’ll never find another man like that.”

sad in rain

imgur.com

Now: You realize you have 10 new matches on Tinder.

before and after tech

 

6. Letting The World Know You’re Engaged

Then: They’d read about it in the newspaper a few weeks after he proposes.

newpaper
giphy.com

Now: Your ring’s on Instagram (with hundreds of comments) before you’ve even said “yes.”

before and after tech
Tumblr

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com as “6 Ways Technology Has Altered Your Love Life.”
More content from YourTango:

Dream Interpretation: We Both Dreamed Our Son Was Two People

May 13th, 2015


photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

After sex with my wife we both slept together. I dreamed that my four-year-old only son is calling from outside the bedroom. When I went out to see him he was lying on the floor with a cloth wrapped on him and calling me. I tried to uncover him but could not. I lifted him in my arms and took him back to the bedroom. I saw that my son was already sleeping beside my wife. At the same time my wife had a dream that she was lying in bed with two sons sleeping besides her. We both were frightened in our dream by the scene.

Lauri If you scroll through all my columns here, you’ll find that I am asked a lot about having the same or similar dream as someone else on the same night. It’s clearly way more common than we think. And in my research, I have been able to connect it to the fact that the two people who share the dream are also sharing the same issue and are dreaming about it in a similar fashion (we dream about what is on our mind the most).

You and your wife both dreamed that your son was two people. In real life do you feel your son has two personalities: a sweet cuddly little boy at times and a tantrum throwing monster at others, for example? In your dream he was calling for you and was wrapped in a blanket. This may mean you feel there is an issue with him that needs help and requires your attention, perhaps behavioral or health-wise.

Whatever the case, your shared dreams show you both have equal concern over the same issue, which is excellent! So don’t let the dreams worry you, but rather let it be a confirmation that you are both on the same page. Two minds working in harmony on a single issue will prove to be very effective.

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams each morning, check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert. You can see all of Lauri’s books here. And hey, if you want your very own pin-up painting of you or your luvva (either vintage or modern), Lauri can do that, too! 

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

How to Have More Sex Without It Feeling Like a Chore

May 13th, 2015

According to new research, having more sex may actually make couples less happy — if they feel like they’re being told to have more sex. The Carnegie Mellon study, published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, studied 64 heterosexual married couples between 35 and 65 years old. Group one was told to have sex as they usually did for the next three months; group two was told to have twice as much sex as they usually did. Researchers then measured the couples’ happiness and sexual satisfaction. And guess what? Group two enjoyed the sex less, had less desire for sex, and overall, was less happy.

The researchers aren’t claiming their study proves that more sex equals less happiness. (Though this could certainly be true for some couples — it’s hard to pine for each other when you’re doing it all the time!) Rather, they think that the couples resented having sex be some kind of task that they had to check off on a to-do list, whether or not they were in the mood. It’s the ultimate honey-do list!

“If we ran the study again, and could afford to do it,” says George Loewenstein, PhD, the head researcher, “we would try to encourage subjects into initiating more sex in ways that put them in a sexy frame of mind — perhaps with baby-sitting, hotel rooms, or Egyptian sheets — rather than directing them to do so.”

But not every couple has a university researcher who will treat them to a fancy hotel room or nice sheets. So here are five suggestions for how you can have more sex in your relationship… without setting yourself some kind of goal that will feel like homework.

1. Talk About Your Own Sex Life

Remember when your relationship was new and you two were like this narcissistic unit, attached at the mouth/genitals? You talked about yourselves all the time back then, right? You talked to each other about how good the sex was, you talked about how into each other you were, and you didn’t really want to talk about or to anyone else. Well, it’s good that you moved on from that stage, otherwise you’d probably lose your job and your friends (and you’d never even consider procreation). But you could use a little more of that attention in your relationship now — and a little goes a long way. Take some time out of talking about your day to talk to each other about what you did in bed last night/last week/your best time ever. It’s like stealth foreplay, priming yourselves for more of that good stuff.

2. Sext Your Partner with a Promise.

Notice we said sext, not text. If you simply say, hey, let’s have sex tonight when I get home, it might feel like you just added one more item to the bottom of your shopping list. The dirtier and more specific the directive, the more organic it will feel.

3. Shower Just Before Bed

Duh, right? It takes five minutes. Just try it.

4. Keep Your Sex Toys Handy

What’s on your nightstand right now? A stack of books and magazines, an alarm clock, a tube of Chapstick, a box of Kleenex, your iPhone? Now, how about your sex toys, where are they? In a box under your bed? In your closet? When your bedside accessories are right there, next to your night-time lip balm — and fully charged, don’t forget, that’s important — they’re much harder to ignore. (If you have nosy kids or house guests, hide a vibrator inside your box of Kleenex!)

5. Ask Each Other These 36 Questions On a Date Night

Yeah, yeah, we know everyone tells you to go on a date night if you want to get in a mood. But that’s a lot of pressure to put on a plate of pasta to reinvigorate your desire for each other! What if the food sucks? What if your waiter is mean to you? Here’s a way to make a date night feel truly intimate: Ask each other these 36 questions. (The author of the questions also recommends staring into each other’s eyes for four full silent minutes at the end of the date — if you can pull that off, too, more power to you!)

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

image via

Vienna’s Same-Sex Crosswalk Signals Make Us Feel Warm and Fuzzy

May 12th, 2015

When’s the last time you thought about true love or marriage equality while crossing a street? When’s the last time you looked up and smiled at a sign telling you not to cross yet? Here in the States, most of us stand impatiently, one foot half off the curb, thinking about how much we have to do while pressing the walk button over and over again, as if this will make the light change sooner.

City planners in Vienna are hoping to make things different there. The city has introduced new same-sex and opposite-sex themed crosswalk signals. Instead of a single gender-neutral person, the new light-up signs feature couples, both gay and straight, holding hands as they wait or walk, a little heart between them.

Of course, we’re sure that there are plenty of homophobic people out there who will now find themselves even more irritated while they wait to cross the street. Not only do they have to stand there for an entire twenty seconds, they also have to spend that twenty seconds being reminded that the world is changing and there’s nothing they can do to stop it. Just like pressing that crosswalk button a hundred times doesn’t change a thing.

According to the mayor of Vienna, the new signals, which have been installed at forty-nine crosswalks throughout the city, are “a sign of openness and tolerance.” We’ll drink a dark and yeasty Austrian beer to toast that!

Here are two more signs…

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

What Men Want You to Do with Their Nipples

May 12th, 2015

male_nipple_chest

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,“What’s up with men’s nipples? Should I play with them or ignore them?”

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): When it comes to nipple play and men, it’s very easy.  Some love it, some hate it, and some will ask you, during said act, and in a flat monotone, if you are “trying to get milk to come out.”  (Yes, that was a total mood killer.)  It really depends on the guy.  It will send some into the stratosphere and some racing for the front door.  Like everything, you never know until you give it a test drive. And if your guy really hates it, let’s hope he has the wherewithal to just say “Skip the nip, please.”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): In the film Meet the Parents, the great Robert De Niro casually asks Ben Stiller, “I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?” Funny as that may be, it makes male nipples seem a bit, well, out of place. While they don’t serve any biological function like their female counterpart, they do have a purpose. As a kid, the titty twister and the purple nurple were always fun. As an adult, when a lady moves her mouth from my lips to my nips it always sends a shiver of excitement down my spine. But too much nipple play can be a bit annoying and even painful for me. Some women like to bite ‘em which, in my book, is not a good thing. So unless you know your guy’s into a little pleasure-pain, I’d say skip it. Here are a few nip tips for you ladies:

  1. Kiss em, lick em, but don’t bite!
  2. There are two, let’s not neglect one or the other.
  3. Don’t spend too much time with our nipples, it could get weird if we feel like you’re waiting for something to squirt out.

Straight Married Guy (Jim): I really can’t decide if I’d miss mine if I woke up without them.  My wife says she loves them about as much as my big toe or my bellybutton, both of which I would definitely miss. If you don’t get any response from your guy the first time, they’re safe to ignore.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo by via flickr

Why You Should Let Your Boyfriend or Husband Watch Porn

May 12th, 2015

Porn is an evergreen issue in our mailbox — we frequently get letters about it from both men and women. The men tend to say, why is my girlfriend/wife so bothered by porn? And the women tend to say, why does my boyfriend/husband watch porn when he has me? Or, why does he continue to watch porn when he knows I don’t like it. Today, we want to address those women, a.k.a. the Porn Patrol. Because for all of the issues we have with porn (political, ethical, feminist, intellectual, aesthetic…we could go on), we think that compromising on porn may just save your relationship.

Let’s take your relationship with shoes (or women’s magazines, or whatever): imagine if your partner said he was viscerally opposed to it, thinks it is a horrible industry that exploits people and perpetuates sexism and misogyny, and suggested that it might be a deal breaker. Or imagine if he asked you to give up masturbation*, because he should be enough for you. You’d be bummed, because you know those things don’t impact the love you have for your guy. You might, out of generosity and kindness, give them up, but then you might become bitter and resentful for being forced to change.

We understand how porn makes many women feel uncomfortable and unloved and disrespected — we’ve been there — but really, from his perspective, it has nothing to do with you; you’re not in any competition with it; it’s a normal and almost unavoidable part of being a guy. (It’s also a normal part of being a woman, for some.) And honestly, you’ll have a hard time finding a man who doesn’t like porn; it’s hard enough to find one who doesn’t like sports!

This is not to say that all porn is harmless. We think that the prevalence of porn can be blamed for a lot of the misconceptions young people (and plenty of adults) have today about sex and safety and what constitutes realistic sex and what works for women (physically and psychically) and what it means to treat people with decency and respect. Which is why it’s so important not only for decent, realistic sex education to be readily and widely available, but for critical thinking about porn to be an equally prevalent part of our culture (we love this Danish sexologist’s idea for teaching young people to be critical and conscientious about their porn consumption).  We also think it’s important that people — especially women — support the production of quality porn (because porn ain’t going away).

Of course, you can’t dictate people’s sexual fantasies or tell them what they can and can’t watch, like an uptight Big Brother. Well, you can, if you’re their partner, but it probably won’t go over so well. Which is why it’s better to tell them how you feel. Compromises can be made on both sides so everyone’s more at ease. Maybe you try to find something that turns you on, that you find acceptable so you can see where he’s coming from, as it were — maybe so you could even enjoy it together.

You can certainly encourage him to stay away from the more disturbing stuff, like, say, Brazilian fart porn — there is plenty of good, old-fashioned, healthy, and responsible boot-knocking going on out there by consenting adults who aren’t on drugs. But if he’s watching porn instead of having sex with you, or his porn consumption is getting in the way of school or work or social outings or daily living, then you’re in your rights to demand he seek professional help.

Assuming it’s not an unhealthy porn addiction, and you can’t find a way to get into it yourself, but you’re not willing to walk away from the relationship, then make sure your guy keeps it a private thing (and if he’s doing this already, consider it him being polite!). Don’t talk about it and definitely don’t watch it, and ask that he hide all signs of it.  In this case, ignorance can be bliss.

*Masturbation is something you should continue to do whether you’re in a relationship or not, married or not — it’s good for you to have some quality alone time!

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

photo via flickr

Your Weekly Horos: May 11th, 2015

May 11th, 2015

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Got any overly cautious friends in the house? If so, this might be a good week to seek advice from them on how not to rush into things with a certain someone. Perhaps their instinct to be practical and careful, to always take things slowly, will rub off on you. And that’s the only thing that should be rubbing off on you this week: Keep all zippers zipped, all flies flying high, all underwear on, and all trays in their upright and locked positions. If you can’t stand the heat, then go rub one out in the kitchen. Just remember to close the blinds first.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Wow, you really carry around a lot of guilt, huh? It’s okay, you can take the cookie, it’s yours. Have another! What the hell, eat the whole pack, there’s plenty more where they came from. (Idiots’ guide: Cookie = piece o’ ass.) This is your free advance-to-booty pass, good for one week only. But remember, if you make a habit of this kind of gluttonous behavior, you will pay. And who wants a flabby soul?

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Don’t use the word “love” unless you mean it. Even if you think you mean it right now, you probably don’t.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
You often hear how you should really take the time to focus on you. Well, don’t. Not this week, at least. Your little love/sex disappointments pale in comparison to the world’s real problems. Got clean drinking water? Still have your clitoris intact? Allowed to vote democratically? Good. Now stop your whining about how you can’t get a date/can’t have an intercourse orgasm/haven’t found the One and be grateful for all you do have.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Beware of the green-eyed monster: it’s hiding under your bed, just waiting to ruin your sex life this week.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Don’t be so hard on someone who is trying to attract your attention. That mild social awkwardness and funny twitchy thing they’re doing with their eye isn’t a permanent state of affairs but simply a series of nervous tics induced by your utter coolness. Would it hurt you to give them the time of day? A word or two of kindness and you might see all that nervousness dissipate, and then you might even realize that without the lazy eye and the nervous throat noises, they’re kinda hot.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Birds are singing, the sun is shining. Everything’s coming up roses. Love is in the air. Happy days are here again. So don’t fuck things up with your big mouth.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Oh, Scorpio. Dear, dear Scorpio. It’s people like you and weeks like this that made the Beatles write that damn song, “Can’t Buy Me Love.”

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Stand up and be counted and you will appeal to lots of potential partners who are in the crowd. Your strength to speak out for what you believe in will prompt someone to ask you out. Of course, if you’re only going to espouse Rick Santorum’s party line, then we recommend sitting your ass down and shutting your pie hole for the sake of your sex life.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Lo’s high school “sex” ed teacher was quite a meanie with no sense of humor and an iron fist. Her face was screwed up tight in a way that suggested years of sexual frustration. Not surprisingly, no sage sex advice was ever offered. However, she did say one good thing about relationships: “You shouldn’t marry someone for their potential.” That’s the only kernel of goodness that ever came out of that lady (though what it has to do with sexual education, we’ll never know). If she were here today, she’d say the same thing about you and dating.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
We know you’re hungry for a little somethin-somethin, but the only thing you’re gonna be fed this week is lines. Don’t bite. At least, not until you’ve taken your Pepcid AC, specially formulated for the love sick.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Persistence is a tricky thing. Sometimes it can set you apart from the pack, express your drive and passion, and land you your dream (blow) job. Other times, it can make you seem annoying and desperate. This week, on you, it’ll seem desperate and annoying. Sorry.

 

MORE AWESOME STUFF ON EMandLO.com:

Did You Blow Mother’s Day? 13 Belated Gift Ideas (w/Overnight Shipping)

May 11th, 2015

Did you blow Mother’s Day yesterday? Did that homemade card just not cut it? Below are some great gifts (for any budget) available online with expedited shipping (except the cake — you’ve got to put some elbow grease into that one.)

 

1.

“Relax Me” Fizzy Bath Balls

$6 each

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These individually wrapped balls turn a bath into a bubbly cocktail of aromas and soothing salts. A calming mixture of luscious oils, baking soda, and intoxicating fragrance, Relax Me is the perfect ending to Mom’s extra-long day (and they’re all extra-long). Choose from English Lavender, Pear Vanilla, Pomegranate Mint, or Morning Dew. They’re body-safe and animal-product free, contain natural ingredients, and are made in the USA.

 

2.

“I Take You” Novel

$18

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
It’s the smartest, sexiest, funniest (like, hilarious) beach read on the shelves right now! If she’s a little saucy, your mom’ll love it.

 

3.

Soft Sleeping Mask

$10

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help Mom get a better night’s rest with soft and comfortable mask. The elastic band allows for a snug fit without putting undue pressure on the eyes. And, hey, if she can find another use for it — wink, wink, kink, kink — good for her!

 

4.

Luna Beads

$34

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Know a new mom? Or maybe an older one with sneeze-pee issues? Help them out with the best selling Kegel exercisers in the world: Luna Beads are designed to strengthen and tone pelvic floor muscles to improve pelvic health (which will probably intensify orgasms, but you don’t have to tell Mom that if you don’t want to). Made from body-safe materials and easy to clean, Luna Beads can be worn one or two at a time for a custom workout.

 

5.

Rhubarb Rose Cake

TBD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, this one you don’t buy, you bake. But it goes great with champagne! According to creator Molly Shuster on Eat Boutique, “Paired with some loose garden flowers and bubbly champagne, this cake makes a very festive spread for my Mom on her special day. This little cake conveys a lot of my appreciation, but most importantly, it allows a little time to share a toast, a conversation, and some good laughs.” Aw, sweet, sensual, not sucky! The how-to’s are here.

 

6.

Contour Ceramic Massage Stones

$26

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who needs massage therapy more than moms? This award-winning, body-friendly, double-fired porcelain massager by JimmyJane is hygienic, non-porous, and easy to clean. These versatile massagers can be warmed up or cooled down for added sensation and their shapes allow for limitless possibilities for sensual or deep-tissue massage techniques (dome face down for long, smooth strokes, or flipped over for pressure point stimulation with the rounded corners).

 

7.

Flickering Touch Massage Candle

$29.90

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Made from all natural soy wax, Shea butter and apricot kernel oil, Lelo’s Flickering Touch Massage Candle melts into a pool of luxurious massage oil designed to nourish and moisturize skin with natural vitamin E. These Lelo candles have a burn-time of up to 35-hours and come in three light scents: Black pepper & pomegranate; snow pear and cedarwood; vanilla and creme de cacao.

 

8.

“What Makes a Baby” Book

$16.95

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not exactly a sensual gift, but almost any mom will feel warm and fuzzy reading this awesomely inclusive book of reproductive love to their kids. Visually engaging, informative, and supportive, “What Makes a Baby” explains to kids from any kind of family where they came from. It’s a great jumping-off point for more discussion with kids about bodies and families by a certified sexuality educator (Cory Silverberg) and an award-winning artist/illustrator (Fiona Smyth). For preschool-age 8.

 

9.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” Movie

$19

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If your mom was a fan (and, really, what mom wasn’t?), then getting her her own copy of the first “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie is a no brainer: she can watch it (and re-watch it and re-watch it…) whenever she wants! It’s got an unrated version (aw yeah), an alternate ending (probably better), and a teaser for “Fifty Shades Darker.” The DVD comes out Friday, but you can preorder today and choose 1-day shipping to get it there by Mom’s Day.

 

10.

Burberry for Women Eau de Parfum

$88

Steer clear of the trashy celebrity perfumes by the likes of Paris Hilton and Britney, and go for pure, classic class: Burberry for Women Eau de Parfum is a fresh and sensual fragrance with fruity top notes of blackcurrant, fresh green apple and bright bergamot. Heart notes of cedar wood, jasmine, and moss are intensified with warm notes of sandalwood for a rich and sensual tone. Warm notes of musk and vanilla smooth the base. Presented in a glass, 100ml bottle. Made in France, natch.

 

11.

Yoga for Beginners Boxed Set

$21

If Mom isn’t into yoga yet, it’s just a matter of time. Help her pull the yoga trigger with this popular 3-DVD box set that contains Yoga for Stress Relief, AM-PM Yoga for Beginners, and Essential Yoga for Inflexible People (and you know what flexibility is good for). Forty different routines focus on different physical and mental aspects of yoga, such as building strength, improving flexibility, reducing stress, etc.

 

12.

Molton Brown Seamoss Stress-Relieving Hydrosoak

$30

Is Mom in need of a deep-sea de-stress? Of course she is! She can dive into the blue waters of Molton Brown’s oceanic bath salts, made with marine extracts, Dead Sea salts and horse chestnut. The scent is energizing and the scrub clarifying.

 

13.

Original Magic Wand

$54.95

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, okay, we know. But seriously, this is an awesome stress-melting back massager. Really. Whatever else Mom might figure out to do with it in the privacy of her own bedroom is her business — you don’t need to know about it.