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And the Winner of Our #KegelizeAMovie Contest Is…

November 7th, 2014


@cd_clifford! Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a brand new LUNA Smart Bead™ from LELO! Longer, stronger, easier-to-come-by orgasms are now within your (or your partner’s) reach, thanks to your acumen at Kegelizing movie titles.

It was a very close race between Christen Clifford and Chris Perkins, but Christen’s strong showing (“The Kabinet of Dr. Kegel”, the Die Hard series, etc) along with the originality with some of her entries (“The Vag Strikes Back,” “Saving Privates, Ryan” and “The Kegelcizer: Revenge of the Retrocele”) pushed her over the edge. But because we loved Chris’s entries too (especially “Dr. Strangelove”), we’ll be sending him a copy of our book, 150 Shades of Play. (And that wasn’t even part of the official rules!). See, people really do win on EMandLO.com.

Below are all the entries — our favorites in bold!

Christen Clifford @cd_clifford

  • The Vagina Redemption
  • The Vag Strikes Back
  • Grand Kegelusion
  • The Kabinet of Dr Kegel
  • Some Like It Tight (Ewwww, I know, but I had to. Sorry.)
  • Raging Kegel
  • Saving Privates, Ryan
  • Casakegel
  • Butch Cassidy & the Kegeling Kid
  • Salaam Kegel!
  • King Kegel! Kegel Kong! That’s it: Kegel Kong.
  • On a roll here - just throwin em all out, maybe one will be funny: Kegel Hard, Kegel Harder, Kegel Hardest…
  • The Kegelcizer: Revenge of the Rectocele

 
Chris Perkins ‏@cepx01 

  • Dr Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Kegels
  • Close Encounters of the Kegel Kind
  • The Magnificent Kegels
  • To Kegels, With Love
  • Monty Python and the Holy Kegels
  • Night of the Living Kegels
  • All The President’s Kegels
  • A Fist Full of Kegels
  • The Wizard of Kegels
  • Saving Private Kegels
  • The Kegel Redemption
  • Interview With a Kegel
  • Must Love Kegels

David Windmuller @DavidWindmuller

  • Kegels, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
  • Heavenly Kegels
  • Divine Secrets of the Kegel Sisterhood
  • Kegeler on the Roof
  • Kegels n the Hood (clitoral?!)
  • Do the Kegel Thing
  • Kegel to the Future
  • Kegel Hard
  • Kegels on a Train
  • She’s Gotta Have Kegels
  • Kegeling to Exhale
  • It Happened One Kegel
  • Das Kegel


Frances Frame ‏@frandianne

  • No Kegel for Old Men
  • A Beautiful Kegel
  • Kegel Impossible
  • Raiders of the Lost Kegel
  • Kegel Club
  • The Good, the Bad, and the Kegels
  • The Man in the Iron Kegel
  • 2001: A Kegel Odyssey
  • It’s a Wonderful Kegel
  • The Mighty Kegels
  • Lord of the Kegels: Fellowship of the Kegel
  • To Kegel A Mockingbird
  • The Red Kegel of Courage
  • Kegels at Tiffany’s
  • The Kegels of Wrath
  • Buffy the Vampire Kegeler
  • Kegeling in Seattle

 

Dave Wolgast ‏@DaveRef 

  • Sixteen Kegels
  • The Kegel Club
  • Field of Kegels
  • The Perfect Kegel
  • Inglorious Kegels
  • No Kegels for Old Men

For those of you who didn’t win/enter, you can still get yourself or someone you love a beautiful new LUNA Smart Bead™ in time for the holidays. Check out this stylish (and very relaxing) video below and LELO’s nice dedicated website for more info on the LUNA Smart Bead™:

 

Dear Em & Lo: In Defense of Cheating on My Husband

November 7th, 2014

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve read your books and love your website, but I notice you are against any infidelity and look down on those who have affairs, but you’re okay with swinging and group sex and anal sex probes and bisexuals and all kinds of things that normal folks (who occasionally stray) find disgusting. I guess my point is, how can you judge like that?  You judge cheaters but support skank!  You know your sex drive better than I do, obviously, but let’s say your husband could no longer perform in bed due to E.D.  You don’t honestly expect me to believe you would go without sex or rely on a sex toy for the rest of your life, do you?  I think that’s B.S.

What I’d like you both to know is that we’re not bad people.  We’re your softball coaches and school teachers.  I feed my neighbor’s son peanut butter and jelly on a Tuesday afternoon and have sex with her husband on Thursday night because she hasn’t let him touch her since she had the baby — THREE YEARS AGO!  We’re not trailer trash from the Jerry Springer show. We’re real people, ignored by our spouses.  We’re not evil. Give us a break, okay? After all, it’s not like you two are devout Church-going types either, ya know? You preach about free, uncommitted sex with both the opposite sex and the same sex (as long as a condom is involved) and hey, that’s fine.  Just don’t judge the rest of us. There are reasons for the things we do.  We don’t spread disease through our little suburban neighborhoods or anything like that.

– Straying Dog

Dear S.D.,

Here’s what we do judge:

  1. Lying to your husband (except when he asks if his penis is too small).
  2. Lying to your neighbor (except when she asks if her new haircut makes her look like Blossom).
  3. Lying to anyone, for that matter. And yes, faking orgasms is lying.
  4. Sex without barrier protection (i.e. condoms) — unless you’re committed to one another, have been tested together, have agreed to incur the risks of forgoing barrier protection, and are using another form of birth control (unless of course you’re both trying to get pregnant together).
  5. Sexism.
  6. Homophobia.
  7. Anti-choice people who want to take away our reproductive rights, comprehensive sex education, and access to birth control.
  8. Um, we can’t think of much else that we do judge. Pleated khakis on men, maybe?

And here’s what we don’t judge (as long as it’s done safely and consensually, of course):

  1. Homosexuality.
  2. Bisexuality.
  3. Swinging.
  4. Group sex.
  5. Open relationships.
  6. Casual safe sex (so long as both parties understand and accept its casual nature).
  7. Anal play.
  8. Sex toys, including anal sex probes.
  9. Kink.
  10. Roleplaying.
  11. Spanking.
  12. Bondage.
  13. Booty calls.
  14. Dirty talk.
  15. Phone sex.
  16. Text sex.
  17. Pony play (okay, sometimes we judge pony play…hey, we’re only human).
  18. Strap-on sex.
  19. Celibacy.
  20. Solo sex.
  21. Latex.
  22. Watersports.
  23. Legal prostitution.

Need we go on? We didn’t think so. You’re right — you totally nailed us. So long as sex is consensual, legal, honest, and fully condom-ed, we probably wouldn’t judge it. But if you’re married and sleeping with your neighbor’s husband and the respective spouses don’t know about it or don’t condone it — then hells yes, we judge you! You think anal probes are skank? Well, we think that cheating on your husband — and not only that, but doing it with someone else’s husband, to boot — is 100% pure skank.

We know we sound naive when we say this. We know we’re idealists. And we admit we have no idea what it’s like to want to stay in a crumbling marriage for the kids (or for the mortgage). We have no idea what it’s like to be ignored in a marriage — or in the bedroom. And we have no idea what it’s like to be married to an inoperative penis.

We can think of only a few very special circumstances where unsanctioned cheating might be justifiable, or at least understandable: For example, a husband suffers from E.D. and it threatens his masculinity to the point where he just completely shuts off from anything sexual and doesn’t deal with it at all it in order to keep it together psychologically, while his wife, who loves him and wants to be with him and doesn’t want to break his heart, decides to get a little no-emotional-strings-attached-sex on the side to satisfy her needs. Maybe we could understand that.

Or maybe not. We’re inclined to believe that in the majority of cases of cheating, there’s a lot of rationalizing that’s done on the part of the cheater for two major reasons. First, because it allows people the opportunity for drama and excitement in their lives (doing the new & novel thing, doing the forbidden thing, the taboo thing, the wrong thing always does). But that drama and excitement comes at the expense of the trust and feelings and dignity of the people they made a promise to, the people they’re supposed to truly love: their spouses. Second, it’s simply the easier way out.

Sure, it sucks if your husband gets E.D., but isn’t that the whole point of “in sickness and in health”? Also, who said that sex has to be all about intercourse? Last we heard, cunnilingus didn’t involve the penis. Same goes for handwork…and sex toys. The same goes for most of the stuff in our don’t-judge list, too. We’re sorry, but we just don’t think that faulty mechanics void your marriage vows (assuming, of course, that your marriage vows included sexual fidelity).

And sure, it sucks if your husband or wife ignores you, but since when did cheating solve that? Last we heard, good old-fashioned communication was a much better tool to fix that kind of problem. Or marriage counseling. Or divorce.

If your partner just plain doesn’t want sex anymore and you do — and you’ve tried everything you can possibly think of to remedy the situation, including reading all our books and seeing a sex or marriage therapist together — then ask their permission to have an affair. (Yep, that’s right, if they give their permission, it’s not skanky — it’s just good, clean fun.) If your partner says no, then you have two options: (1) Leave them. (2) Suck it up and deal with a sexless marriage (and learn to appreciate the art of masturbation). And those are your only two options. If sex is soooooooooo important to you that you think it justifies cheating, then it should be important enough to you to get a divorce. And if your marriage is soooooooooo important to you that you can’t possibly consider a divorce, then guess what? You’re going to have to sacrifice the sex part.

If you choose option one and leave your partner OR you get permission for extra-curricular nookie from your partner, do not, under any circumstances, have an affair with someone else’s spouse (especially not your friends’ and neighbors’ spouses!). We’re all in this monogamy biz together, and it’s our civic responsibility to keep each other honest and faithful. We don’t care if you’re not spreading STDs (though you can never be 100% sure about that if people are sleeping around) — you’re still spreading lying, disrespect, and some seriously bad karma.

We know that a sanctioned affair isn’t really the “done” thing yet. But you know what? It should be! Slowly, more and more people are catching on. And we’re going to keep on preaching our honesty message until the rest of you cheaters get on board.

And that’s the gospel according to Em & Lo.

From our high horse,

Em & Lo

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Confession: A Cab Driver Found My G-Spot & Spoiled Me for All Boyfriends

November 6th, 2014


by Dori Hartley for YourTango  |  photo via flickr

The year was 1985. I was walking on Third Avenue in New York City, probably going to the store for no good reason. It was a gorgeous day. On the corner, a cab stopped at the light. The car was free and the driver smiled at me as I passed in front of his vehicle. I couldn’t help but notice how drop-dead gorgeous he was: exceptionally handsome face, long, raven-black hair. I was immediately attracted to him. I raised my hand to hail him down, and he pulled to the curb to let me in. I sat in the front seat. The sexual magnetism between us was break-the-Richter-scale material. I wasn’t there to be his fare and he wasn’t there to be my driver.

Bear in mind, this was the ’80s. Right before things like AIDS and safe sex became part of life as we now know it — the idea of casual sex and instant sexual gratification were not only considered normal, but appropriate for the times. It was cool to have sex with anyone you wanted back then and we did it freely, happily and without conscience. While the ’60s may have been the era that ushered in the concept of free sex, it wasn’t until the ’80s that we really got our freak on. As soon as HIV hit the scene, we all knew that the game had changed forever. As it grew into an epidemic, our days of unsafe sex slowed to halt — for those of us who were using our brains, anyway. I’m just saying that back then — as stupid and reckless as we truly were — we had a damned good time of it.

So there I was, in a stranger’s taxi on a beautiful day. Turns out that the driver — whom I will call Nile — was hilarious. Not only adorable, but a comic genius. His sense of humor was so off the chain that I just decided to drive around with him all day long. We picked up passengers and drove them everywhere. And, as the day got on, we decided to go to a motel — and I mean a real, vile, disgusting ‘one-hour’ motel somewhere in Queens.

I’d never done anything like that in my life, but I was unafraid and willing to take a chance. Sure, these days, the thought of such a thing is enough to give you five heart attacks in a row, but back then, we were all fearless. And I was absolutely fearless, and in some odd primal way, it paid off.

I’d never been with a guy who was mainly interested in pleasing me. In fact, every guy I’d ever been with had turned out to be an “I get off, you don’t, and then I fall asleep” type of lover. Why I ever went back for more was always a mystery to me, because my experience until that point had shown me that guys enjoy sex to get off, and they don’t really care about the woman’s orgasm. Anyway, all that changed with Nile.

Nile had no qualms whatsoever about going down on me, right there, first thing. I don’t even think I took my clothes off. I don’t even think he took his clothes off either. All I know was that by the time we reached the bed, he was nose-deep in my stuff. And let me tell you: it was a calling for him. This was no regular ol’ guy; this was The Cunnilingus King. There was no one higher than Nile when it came to this specialty. He set the gold standard for goin’ down. If an award could be given for this act, then Nile would be able to fill mansions with hard-earned trophies. I went from a slightly inhibited free spirit to a screeching sex banshee in a matter of a few wondrous, slowly paced minutes.

In fact, I’m fairly sure that this was what he needed to be doing with his life. After being with Nile several times, I really believed that every woman on Earth would benefit from a night with this incredible lover. No woman should be denied a night with Nile. It was just how I felt. And if every single heterosexual man could just study this guy in action, the world — all of it — would be a happier place to live.

And, to boot, he really didn’t care about much else in the sex department. Oh sure, he liked to be pleasured as well, and the act of coitus was just as lovely to him as anything else. But nothing brought out the best in this guy like bringing a woman to a full throttle, massive overhaul orgasm with the simple use of his tongue and his fingers.

I stayed with Nile for almost five years. The funny thing was, we really couldn’t stand each other after a while. We were in love, but not so much. We fought all the time, but I’m pretty sure that was all so we’d have a good excuse to get to the make-up sex, which was all about — you guessed it! — pleasing me. Phew, the things I did to keep the peace.

After Nile I and eventually broke up, my capacity for having earth-shattering orgasms had grown to such a height that no man alive could ever come close. He had set the bar too high, and no one ever did come close. I tried to analyze just what Nile was doing that made him so much better than everyone else, and I found it: He had discovered my g-spot with his fingers, up in there, while doing the licky thing on my super erogenous zones.

The g-spot that I never thought existed, that I laughed at when I heard other women speak of. It existed and all those Hallelujah sessions were made possible because of it. I just didn’t know it at the time. Nile was a g-spot master.

I’d always been under the impression that the g-spot could only be accessed through intercourse. Post-Nile, I put two and two together and realized, “Ah, so that’s what he was doing with his fingers all that time!” He would push, from the inside, towards his mouth, which was working at some kind of rate that only angels can achieve, and the feeling of receiving both clitoral and g-spot stimulation at the same time — well, you’d stick around for five years too!

I’ve tried to tell other guys to do what Nile did, but they just insist on doing it their way. They don’t get the hint. And it’s so simple too.

Guys, do you want to please your lady in the bed? Here’s how: two fingers on the inside, an eager tongue on the outside and most of all, a real desire to revel in her orgasm — because she will give it to you. Again and again and again.

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This article originally appeared on YourTango: How a Cab Driver Found My G-Spot and Gave Me the Best Sex Ever

Dream Interpretation: Pregnant and Husband Cheated On Me

November 6th, 2014

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’ve been having many dreams that my husband left me for another girl while I am pregnant, and I’ve been waking up with tears. I keep on dreaming this, like 5-6 times already. I’ve been trying to look up the meaning of it — I don’t know why I keep on dreaming that. I hope I find an answer and I hope it won’t mean anything.

Lauri: Fear not! It is sooooo common to dream hubby cheats while we are pregnant, and it rarely means he actually is. There are a few reasons for this dream. One may be that you are not feeling your usually sexy self right now. You may be feeling nauseous, emotional, worried, etc. and, depending on where you are in your pregnancy, you may feel you look more like a whale than a woman. These feelings can cause serious concern that hubby doesn’t find you attractive anymore, especially if you yourself aren’t feeling it, and this will manifest in your dreams. But trust me, most men just love it when their woman is pregnant. It is a testament to his own manhood after all!

In addition, with you being “in a delicate way,” there are probably several activities the two of you used to do together that you can no longer do: drinking, partying, sports, etc. Subconsciously, you may be feeling that your pregnancy is getting in the middle of your marriage. And it can get in the middle of it, if you let it. Rather than looking at it as taking away from certain aspects of the marriage, look at it as adding a certain magic to it, because a pregnancy truly is a magical and wonderful thing! Fall in love with your pregnant body. Be confident with it. This will radiate off of you and your husband will be SO TURNED ON! Change your attitude and you will change your dreams.

 

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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Last Chance to Enter Our #KegelizeAMovie Contest!

November 5th, 2014

*THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED.*

You only have until EOD Thursday, November 6th at 11:59 EST to enter our awesome  #KegelizeAMovie Contest and get the chance to win a new Luna Smart Bead from LELO!

There’s a lot of great entries so far, but they’re only by a handful of entrants, so your odds are still EXCELLENT! Here’s how to play:

Tweet a movie title on Twitter.com and replace one key word with “Kegel,” so that it conveys the importance of pelvic health. Don’t forget to include these three things in your Tweet:

  1. the hashtag #kegelizeamovie
  2. @emandlo
  3. @Lelo_Official

Feel free to submit your entries in the comments below also, though only Tweets that follow the guidelines above will be entered to win. Enter as many times as you like, though each entry should be a different kegelized movie title (NOT the same one over and over). You must be 18 or older to enter. And do NOT create multiple Twitter accounts to enter.

We’ll pick one MVP winner (“MVP” being defined at our discretion) and announce the winning Tweet here on EMandLO.com as well as on Twitter on Friday, the 7th. If that winner does not claim their prize by replying to our private message within a week, a new winner will be chosen.

Good luck! And may the best movie Kegelizer win a Luna Smart Bead!

What Catcalling Would Look Like If We Used It at the Office

November 5th, 2014

This week, EMandLO.com all-star commenter Johnny made an excellent point by comparing catcalling to other kinds of human communication — say, attempting to get hired at a new company:

I had a lengthy argument about catcalling on a pickup website. Their stance was, “Feminism continues to demonize male sexuality, and saying ‘hey beautiful’ isn’t harassment.” My stance was, “Don’t defend these idiots. They’re bothering strangers on the street in ways ranging from douchey to scary.”

I’m all for trying to get laid any time, anywhere. I’m not saying don’t try to pick women up in public. I’m saying, GENUINELY try to meet women in public. I’ve never, ever seen a woman respond to, “HEY BEAUTIFUL, WHERE YOU GOING, I’M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU!” Guys are doing that to stoke their own egos (to feel like they’re “in the game”), to impress each other, because they get a giggle out of watching the woman scurry away… it’s never gonna work and they know it. The woman is basically the butt of a joke. I find it really fucking rude.

I’d never demonize male sexuality – she’s a woman and you’re a man. You’re literally built to want to fuck each other. Get in there and take a shot! You’re allowed to try to get laid. Nothing wrong with having a boner for a girl. But treat her like a person, for chrissake. Try to attract her, not repel her.

Would you do that if you were trying to meet anyone else?

“HEY BOSS, WHAT’S THAT, A FORTUNE FIVE HUNDRED COMPANY? C’MERE AND HIRE ME MAN, I GOT A LENGTHY RESUME! WHERE YOU GOING, CORPORATE, I’M TALKING TO YOU! I’M JUST SAYING YOU LOOK GOOD IN THAT SUIT! WHAT ARE YOU, TOO STUCK UP TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT? FINE, FUCK YOU, YOUR COMPANY SUCKS ANYWAY!”

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10 Quick Lessons from “Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue”

November 5th, 2014

I consider myself a hardcore feminist (I’ve even got the T-shirt), one who’s attuned to all the gender stereotypes bombarding us daily. I work hard to combat them whenever and wherever I can. But I don’t live in a vacuum, and I’ve found myself falling into traps I thought I could avoid: like talking tougher and playing rougher with my son than my daughter. Sometimes “Hey, buddy” just pops out while I’m tickling him with much less mercy than I showed my daughter at his age.

But I didn’t know quite how insidious my own gender biases were until I read Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue: How to Raise Your Kids Free of Gender Stereotypes by developmental psychologist Christia Spears Brown, Ph.D. (and my new imaginary best friend). I’ve been mentioning it to every parent I know ever since, trying to drop it casually into conversation without sounding like a cult member. But then I remembered I could aim bigger, try to reach a larger audience. So I’m telling you now, reader: Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue should be required reading for all parents and teachers!

As a scientist, Brown doesn’t just use a lone study here and an outlying study there to make her case, as many other writers do when trying to prove how even little boys are from Mars blah blah blah. She’s all about meta-analyses, which analyze the findings of many, often hundreds, of studies on a similar topic. It’s in that kind of data where you find out just how similar kids are — a fact that doesn’t get much play since studies showing differences make much catchier, sexier headlines. (Plus, we as humans like to pack things into neat little boxes, no matter how many exceptions to the boxes’ rules we encounter.)

Sure, there are a few genuine differences (girls’ first words come a little earlier; boys have a little less impulse control), but the areas of similarity far outweigh the areas of genuine difference: “For most traits and abilities, boys differ from other boys and girls differ from other girls more than the two groups differ from each other. Just because we like to ignore the variation within a group of boys or a group of girls doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Spears explains that even when the average boy differs from the average girl, the distributions are often largely overlapping, meaning you can’t predict what a child will be like based on their gender.

It’s only after a lifetime of being squished into their respective gender boxes that women and men’s brains do actually conform and reflect bigger differences than there actually need to be — than there should be. After all, being encouraged to try and allowed to enjoy a variety of different experiences as you grow up, regardless of whether those experiences are deemed “masculine” or “feminine,” creates better brains — not to mention more empathic humans. Gender-blind parenting, writes Spears, “is about enabling your children to maintain as many cognitive, social, and emotional abilities as possible.”

Without ever being overly academic or pedantic, Brown cites study after study that show the incredibly negative impact gender stereotyping has on both boys and girls development, self-esteem and skills. For example:

  • “Parents routinely assume that their sons are more interested in math and science than their daughters [and they] hold these assumptions regardless of how their kids are actually doing in math and science.”
  • “Girls have a more negative body image after playing with Barbie than before.”
  • “Boys are doing academically worse in school than girls, across the school years, largely because the stereotype tells them to be tough, independent, and never ask for help.”
  • “Dads who avoid the ‘mom’ stuff end up less satisfied with parenting than other dads.”
  •  ”Analyses of national AP Calculus tests shows that almost five thousand additional girls a year would have scored high enough to earn AP credit had they indicated their gender at the end of the test instead of the beginning. Simply pushing back those gender thoughts until the test is over can keep performance higher.”

The list goes on and on, with each finding more powerfully eye-opening than the next. The classroom studies she writes about are even more depressing in terms of how pervasive and damaging gender assumptions are — and how daunting trying to affect change can be (beware of schools adopting different teaching styles based on gender). But knowledge is power. Did I mention that if you’re a parent or a teacher you should read this book?

Again, you should read Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue But in the meantime, here’s a quick list of small, everyday changes recommended by Spears (or in some cases inspired by Spears’ suggestions) that you can make to help your own kids turn out to be more fully-formed, multidimensional successes, rather than simply macho dudes or girly girls.

  1. Buy gender-neutral toys for your own and others’ kids and encourage them to play with cross-gender toys from an early age (though keep in mind that, after a certain age, anything labeled for a certain gender will be anathema to the “opposite” gender).
  2. Before puberty, have co-ed birthday parties and playdates.
  3. Don’t refer to children as “boys” or “girls.” Call them “kids/students” — otherwise you’re constantly dividing kids into opposing “other” groups and reinforcing how this one aspect is THE most important factor of their identity.
  4. Avoid making sweeping statements about how all boys are X, Y and Z or how all girls are A, B and C (e.g. the dreaded “Boys will be boys.”).
  5. When your child is exposed to gender-stereotyping by TV, books, and other people, question this stereotyping with your child and give them several examples of exceptions to these “rules.” (When my kids say boys don’t wear pink, I pull up loads of pictures of men rocking pink shirts, pants, shoes, etc.)
  6. Don’t assign chores based on gender: girls can take out the trash, boys can help with the laundry, etc.
  7. Talk to boys as much as girls, especially about their feelings, and encourage caretaking and nurturing in them — they might be parents too, some day (just like William from “Free to Be You and Me”!).
  8. When reading in class, make sure you don’t automatically assume animals/aliens and other “it” characters are male; change any terms like “firemen” and “policemen” and “mailman” to “firefighter” and “police officer” and “mail carrier.”
  9. Don’t compliment girls on their appearance (e.g. a new haircut or outfit)  – compliment all kids on their hard work and effort, and ask about their interests. And make sure you count and talk numbers with girls (since parents statistically do this more with boys).
  10. Monitor — and censor — the media they consume. A lot of shows’ and games’ bread and butter is gender stereotyping, portraying girls as interested in looks and boys, while encouraging boys to be aggressive and violent. Ban commercials (TiVo and Netfilx can help with that).

 

The Real Reason Why Guys Love Blowjobs So Much

November 4th, 2014

photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the big deal about blowjobs — seriously, what makes them so special?

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): On the physical level, it’s simple: they feel fucking amazing. They provide physical sensations so desirable that a straight man would let a queer guy suck him off, either for the right amount of money or with the lights out. It’s that real. But aside from that, I recently asked some straight female friends whether or not they actually enjoy giving head, or do they really just do it because they know the guy will like it. Unanimously they said the latter, and that’s why blowjobs are indeed quite special. For many women (and certainly not all), blowjobs aren’t about the immediate satisfaction of their physical wants, but rather, the pleasure gained from satisfying someone else’s desires. There is an element of selflessness. A woman might even think giving blowjobs is downright nasty, but might continue to blow her man because she gets off on getting her man off. Some guys know this and thus know just how lucky they are for getting one.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): My first reaction is an overwhelming, “What isn’t the big deal about blowjobs?!”  But there’s more than just the primal, physical, when-they’re-good-they’re-freaking-amazing aspect. Of course there’s the stereotype that the appeal of BJs is about some sort of control or domination/submissiveness, but I think there are deeper factors involved, like trust and acceptance, that truly make them so great. Oral sex — in both directions, by the way — can in many ways be even more intimate than the regular ol’ in-n-out.

We don’t always acknowledge the more emotional aspects of oral, but — even if partly subconsciously — those elements probably get closer to the heart of what makes this expression of affection so special.  To be face-to-face and naughty-bits-to-naughty-bits is one thing.  But for your partner to be so into you that s/he would go downtown and get up-close-and-personal to provide pleasure exclusively to you (okay, there are those of us who derive almost as much from giving as receiving, but that’s another story)…well, I think that’s a pretty gosh darn “big deal”!

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Blowjobs used to be really, really stigmatized and therefore really, really rare. Even for couples in long-term relationships.  In a few states in the U.S. it might still legally be sodomy, even for heterosexuals, and in the past it’s been strongly associated with “latent” homosexuality, porn, and prostitution — and strongly not associated with “good girls.”  Something else contributing to the stigma:  blowjobs break the gender rule that sex is something for men to do and women receive. And all those insults with the word “suck” in them?  Some of those used to be taken deadly seriously.

Nowadays, not so much. But add up the little bits of historical taboo, the little bit of gender-bending for both men and women, and the fact that blowjobs feel very good and… well, that’s enough to make them seem pretty special.  Which, incidentally, I think they ought to be.  Special. Instead of, oh, say, obligatory.  Not least because when they start feeling obligatory, men’s partners start wondering, well, what makes them so special?

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Vote Today!

November 4th, 2014

No excuses! On this day — today, Election Day, Tuesday, November 4th, 2014 — you’ve got to get out and vote to, among other things, protect women’s rights, including access to birth control, safe abortions, good sex ed, and equal pay for equal work. Even if it doesn’t seem like there’s any difference between Republicans and Democrats these days, there is — Democrats act in favor of the issues we’ve mentioned above, Republicans don’t. So when in doubt, go Dem!

Planned Parenthood has a great Voter Guide: You just enter the zip code you vote in, and PP gives you the state and federal candidates they endorse. Enter your full address and they’ll even give you your polling place!

Feminist Campus and Feminist Majority Foundation have a state-by-state list of all the sketchy ballot measures to watch out for today.

So if you haven’t already, find out where to vote, make a plan to get there or go right now! Help ensure we move forward, not backwards, when it comes to reproductive freedoms and women’s rights.

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