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How to Determine Whether Your Dating Age Gap Is Embarrassing

December 2nd, 2014

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week, a straight woman asks, “How much younger than them do you think most guys are comfortable dating before it becomes embarrassing? Or is there no limit as long as the youngster in question is legal and not a complete airhead?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Yes, there is an age too young for anyone to date. But I think it happens only after you hit 35. Any dating combo of two people both under 35 (provided both are over 21…yes, 21, not 18) is probably not a big deal. No one really considers themselves that old before hitting 35.

After 35, all bets are off.  If you’re over 35 and you date someone more than 10 years your junior, you will — and rightly so — be mocked (and silently envied) by your friends and enemies for such dating hubris. It will put you squarely in the “oh please” zone. And this goes for both men and women: Dating much younger than yourself connotes a power dynamic that is creepy yet totally gender non-specific.  Both sexes look entirely ridiculous parading their toy around, be it male or female. But if you’re over 35, you can date anyone  — of any age disparity — who is also over 35.  A 65-year-old and 37-year-old?  Sure, why not.

This might seem arbitrary, but age designations exist for a reason. The good people of corporate America have decided that once we’re older than 35, we are no longer a desirable marketing demographic.  That’s real science, people. After 35, big age differences are obviously apparent, but both parties have fully exited the nubile stage so no one really cares. You are no longer hip, cool, or capable of dating someone who had a “The Voice”-themed Bar Mitzvah. That’s not to say you shouldn’t do it.  Hell, if someone of the Gen Next persuasion wants to tap your old bones, consider yourself lucky. Besides, anyone who mocks you, well, your old ears won’t be able to hear them anyway, so who cares.

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): For guys in their twenties, like me, up to guys in their mid-thirties, I think the lowest we should go is 21. If I cannot legally have a glass of wine or cocktail with a girl, I don’t want to date her. It’s not that I am some sort of alcoholic or can’t have a good time sober, but there’s something sexy and intimate about sitting in a bar that cannot be substituted by Starbucks or Jamba Juice. It also makes me feel like an old man if I am with someone that has to use a fake ID to buy a beer. Besides, if the girl in question is still in school, the conversation will usually leave something to be desired due to her lack of life experiences and responsibilities — it’s hard to listen to tales of college papers when I’ve got bills to pay and employees to manage, you know? There is a lot to be said for being in the same place in life, age-wise at least.

But generally, I think women a good five years younger (so long as they aren’t under 21) work well since women tend to be more mature than us guys. For an older man, say in his forties or fifties, a fifteen year age gap is socially acceptable and generally comfortable. And I think once a woman passes the age of thirty, up to a twenty year difference with an older guy is just fine.

Straight Married Guy (Jim): Come on, give us guys some credit: most of us know there’s a huge difference (emotionally, intellectually, maturity-wise) between someone around our own age and an 18-year-old with AP credit.  She’d have to be a Rhodes Scholar studying quantum physics if the difference in their ages was more than about 25% of his. So, what does he teach?


Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $10 Edition

December 2nd, 2014

This is the first installment of our five-part series on sexy gift giving. We start here with the affordable gifts ALL AROUND 10 BUCKS, then, over the next few posts, we’ll work our way up with gifts priced around $25, $50, $100 and $150+. They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!


For the married with children:










“Dept. of Speculation” by Jenny Offill

A suspenseful love story that’s romantic and depressing and funny — they’ll read it in one sitting!


For the foodie:

Amco Rub Away Bar

Don’t let them bring their garlic fingers to bed.


For the sex toy collector:

LELO Toy Cleaning Spray

Help them keep their toys shiny and new (and 99.9% germ free)!


For the tech geek:

Quirky Cordies Desktop Cable Management

There are few things sexier than neatly arranged power cords and charging accessory cables.


For the sausage lover: 

“Little Book of Big Penis” (Taschen Pocket Series) edited by Dian Hanson

150 massively endowed models from the 1940s through the 90s. Not that size matters.


For the butt man (or woman):

“Little Book of Butts” edited by Dian Hanson

150-plus pics of female badonkadonk.


For the facial hair grower:

Proraso Shaving Soap, Eucalyptus & Menthol, 5.2 oz (150 ml), New Formulation

A smooth face — all the better to kiss you with.


For the wine aficionado/alchy:

Oster Electric Wine-Bottle Opener

“Drink wine. This is life eternal…” It could also be love eternal after you give this gift. Plus, 2000+ Amazon reviewers can’t be wrong.


For the tensed up:

Ignite Me Massage Candles

Burn the candle, blow out the flame, and drizzle.


For the “Fifty Shades” fan:

“150 Shades of Play” by yours truly, Em & Lo

We didn’t write this review, we swear!: “Em & Lo are irreverent, smart and funny feminists out to demystify the world of kink. Best of all, I caught up on all the juicy info and how-tos without enduring the pain of reading a single page of the Fifty Shades trilogy! Smartly written in an A-Z dictionary style with the book’s other terms usefully bolded throughout. Also loved the sometimes hilarious illustrations.”


For the traveling businessman:

Tenga Egg Masturbation Sleeve

For when you can’t be with the one you love. Peel the outer layer like you would a hard-boiled egg, then crack open the shell to reveal an “ona-cup” — each one offers a unique internal texture. Get different strokes from different yolks!


For the vegetarian:

“Crazy Sexy Kitchen: 150 Plant-Empowered Recipes to Ignite a Mouthwatering Revolution” by Kris Carr

150 delicious, nutrient-dense recipes designed to nourish the mind, body, and soul.


For the child of the ’80s:

“In the Pleasure Groove: Love, Death, and Duran Duran” by John Taylor

The hottest member of one of the best bands from the ’80s tells his tale of rock’n'roll, sin, and redemption — with lots of pics!

Be sure to check out the other price brackets in our Sexy Holiday Gift Guide!

Help: My Inability to Orgasm Is Ruining My Relationship

December 1st, 2014

 photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now but he’s becoming frustrated that he can’t bring me to orgasm. For a little background information, it has never been easy for me to reach orgasm especially with another person. I have somewhat successfully mastered being able to reach orgasm with a vibrator. But never through manual stimulation and only a handful of times during oral sex.

My boyfriend isn’t doing anything wrong, is the problem. It feels absolutely euphoric and I get right on the edge of climaxing, but then it just doesn’t happen. My boyfriend blames my vibrators and feels insecure that I can orgasm with them but not with him. He feels like he’s failing in the sex department when it’s completely opposite.

I love having sex with him and we go at it like animals. But this orgasm frustration is really starting to interfere. Tonight he suggested breaking up because he feels like he’s not fulfilling my sexual needs, and it’s killing our relationship. We usually have so much fun together, and I love being with him. I don’t want to see us break up over this. Help!

– On the Edge

What should On the Edge do? Leave your suggestions in the Comments section below.


Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide!

December 1st, 2014

This is our five-part series on sexy gift giving this holiday season. We start with the affordable gifts around 10 bucks and work our way up with gifts priced around $25, $50, $100 and $150+. They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!

Gifts for Around $10


Gifts for Around $20


Gifts for Around $50


Gifts for Around $100


Gifts for $150+




Your Weekly Horoscopes: 12-01-14

December 1st, 2014

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Sometimes it’s not about who has the best lines or the firmest butt or the biggest bank account. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of stamina — who stays the longest and the latest. This week, your Energizer Bunny-like persistence will work in your favor.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
You will be loud, obnoxious and a little erratic this week — but somehow, this will only add to your charm. (We never said any of this astrology stuff had to make sense.)

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
God, your hair is perfect. Your teeth? Like a friggin’ Crest White Strips commercial. When you walk into a room, everyone turns and stares, mistaking you for a celebrity. You’ve even got an entourage that’s just one hanger-on short of a harem. Well, you better enjoy it while it lasts, because someone’s going to expose you for the charlatan you are. And when they finally tell everyone about the time they caught you naked with the Jell-O mold, then where will you be, huh?

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
It’s not paranoia if they’re really talking about you. And do you really think your partner would be planning a surprise birthday party for you six months in advance? Are you sure that’s the explanation for the late-night hushed phone conversations, the unexplained hang-ups after midnight, and their sudden need for a pint of ice cream from the deli at two a. m.? Wise up, sucker.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Your mother would like you to know that she thinks it’s about time you thought about settling down. The stars agree.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Think about what you are doing. Or maybe just think about who you are doing. Is he or she really right for you? Just like forest green makes you look washed out, that lame-o bimbo/himbo you picked up at the conference in Tulsa makes your ass look fat. Pick partners that bring out the color in your eyes, bring out the best in you, and most importantly bring out the trash. For reals, the people you’ve been dating lately simply are the trash.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Your easygoing nature will attract romantic interests this week. But then your need to spill your guts will send them away screaming.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Yeah, you’re a freak. But that’s O-Kay. Who wants to be like everybody else? Predictable is boring. If someone doesn’t understand your borderline-sexual obsession with dolls, or your job at the morgue, or your collection of antique speculums, well then, they probably aren’t good enough for you anyway.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, before Netflix and Hulu and Amazon on demand, there were these things called “video stores.” And if you went to the video store in the mood for a real tear-jerker, you didn’t hang around the sci-fi section hoping someone would have accidentally filed a Meg Ryan flick there. And if only Mystic Pizza would do (like we said, this was a looooong time ago), and the store was one of those asinine, film-snobby places that filed everything (even the schlock) according to director, then you didn’t just stand there looking lost until one of the clerks took you by the hand and led you to Julia. No, you went after what you wanted, and if you couldn’t find it, you asked the video store clerk, no matter how much of a stuck-up, condescending, filmmaker-wannabe he or she was. Take a tip from the good ol’ days and act this way in your love life. Jeez, if it was worth doing for a five-day rental, surely it’s also worth doing for the potential love of a lifetime, or even just for a five-minute lunchtime quickie.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
This week, you’re going to be moodier than a goth teen who’s grounded on the only night the Cure is in town. This is mostly a result of you being confused regarding your feelings toward a certain someone. Of course, in typical moody-teen fashion, you will take out your bad mood on this same “someone.” Dude, we’d ground you, too.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
The stars suggest that you “Start the week off by letting potential partners come to you. By the end of the week you should be in a position to make your choice and make your move on whomever you feel is the right lover for you.” Which sounds to us like a 168-hour orgy. But then again, we once yelled out “giant poo stacks!” when driving past the dark brown hills surrounding Phoenix, Arizona. Assuming you’re a tad more mature than that, enjoy taking the high road, with your well-chosen lover by your side. And we’ll take the dirt road, heh heh.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
This week, plead the fifth when you can and you’ll get the sex. Say the wrong thing and it’s all over but for the crying. Chances are, if you do open your mouth, you’ll say the wrong thing. So like we said, plead the fifth.


Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

November 26th, 2014

This Thanksgiving, we are giving thanks for turkey porn, addictive podcasts, our awesome and innovative BFF sponsors LELO,  good friends who are not embarrassed when they accidentally leave their Diva Cup behind at a dinner party, reproductive rights (while we still have them, at least…), the “All About That Baste” parody video, husbands who shop for feminine hygiene products, and six-year-old daughters who ask questions like, “Why do all the girls get saved by boys in Disney movies?”

We’ll be taking a break from this site for the rest of the week to appreciate all of the above. In the meantime, but sure to check out our Thanksgiving Issue: Love in the Time of Turkey for everything you need to survive this holiday — except the recipes! We’ll be back to our regular schedule on Monday.

20% OFF & Free Shipping on all LELO Pleasure Products Through Cyber Monday!

November 26th, 2014

sponsored post

LELO is offering EMandLO.com readers a whopping 20% off this Black Friday Weekend, from Thanksgiving Day through end of the day Monday! Plus, they’ll throw in a free bottle of LELO personal moisturizer (read: lube) on any orders over $100! Just use code EM&LO1 at checkout. Now is the time to get your partner that couple’s massager, your best friend a new best friend, and yourself some quality alone-time! The holidays are here, so put some OH OH OH! in your and your loved ones’ lives with LELO!

4 Ways to Tell a Guy You’ve Been Faking

November 25th, 2014

Are you a liar, liar, whose pants, unfortunately, are not on fire at all? If you’ve been faking orgasms with your boyfriend or husband, you need to fess up — after all, the only way to get orgasms is to be honest about what does and doesn’t work for you. You know all this, right? But you just can’t figure out how to tell the truth after all this time. If this sounds like you, then you have four choices:

1. Tell him you’ve been faking.

Explain that you only lied because you were scared and insecure (or embarrassed, or shy, or whatever your reasons) and you’re telling the truth now because he means so much to you and you feel he deserves the truth. Apologize profusely. Make him feel really special, like he’s the only guy who’s ever earned your trust enough to be told the truth, like he’s the only one you’ve ever met who’s man enough to handle the truth. (Do not tell him that other guys have been able to make you climax during intercourse, even if that’s the truth.) Explain to him that the majority of women (like 70%!) don’t climax from intercourse alone — it’s just the way our bodies are built. Then show him exactly how you do climax. And make sure he knows you’d love nothing more than to figure out various ways to get you off together, whether during intercourse or not.

2. Keep on faking and living a lie.

As the years go on, the fights and the sex will both get worse until just the way he holds his fork will annoy the shit out of you and you’ll end up taking it out on him by sleeping with his best friend and then later when you get really mad at him you’ll scream, “I hate you! I’ve always faked with you! But you know who I don’t fake with? Your best friend!”

3. Dump him and find a new man to start over with, this time being honest from the start.

Hey, we never said these were four easy options!

4. Ease into the truth.

For the record, we don’t recommend this approach: when it comes to fessing up about faking, we think option #1 — the band-aid approach — works best. But if you’re feeling really wussy, we guess this approach is better than faking for the rest of your life (#2) or dumping a guy (or even a husband!) you really like (#3).

Start by increasing clitoral stimulation during intercourse — and there are plenty of ways to do it. Encourage him to use his hand on you, or use your hand on yourself. Or bring a little vibrator into the bedroom, or get him to wear one of those vibrating love rings or finger vibes. Or try out positions that are high on full-body contact, like the famous coital alignment technique. Gush effusively about how amazing the sex is when you do these things together for a little Pavlovian conditioning.

Next, encourage him to spend time using his hands on you or going down on you before intercourse — no reason why you can’t have your orgasm before the intercourse starts. And for the record, climaxing during oral sex is climaxing during sex. Same with getting off on handwork. They’re just different varieties of sex, and there’s no shame in favoring one over another. Also, you may well find that intercourse feels even better — perhaps even orgasmic — after you’ve climaxed once. For more tips on how to make sex better for you, check out the advice we gave a while back to a woman who couldn’t orgasm with her boyfriend.

Assuming that at least some of these tips work, eventually you’ll get to a point where some of the stuff you do together makes you climax — and some of the stuff doesn’t. Eventually you might actually be able to tell him, in all honesty, that he made “the earth move like no other.” And if the gods are smiling on you, you might even be able to phase out the faking without your guy catching on.

But assuming your guy is actually paying attention to you in bed — and if he’s not, then that’s your problem right there! — we’re guessing you’re still going to have to fess up. At this point, however, the truth won’t hurt so much — because it’s not like you’re telling him that you’re a big fat faker and nothing he does has ever made you climax. No, you’ll be telling him that you’re a medium-sized faker and some of the stuff he does works better than other stuff. Gentler on a guy’s ego, we have to assume.

That all said, however, we still think that just sitting down with your man — outside the bedroom — and telling him the truth is the way to go, not only because honesty is the best policy, but because guys need to learn that intercourse isn’t the be-all-end-all for a lot of women.

We’ve talked to numerous women who’ve had this conversation with their guys, and the most common reaction is that the guy takes it as a challenge: He wants to jump into bed right then and there and not come up for air until the faker in question has climaxed for reals. Hey, maybe your boyfriend or husband is that kind of guy. And if he’s not? Well, he wasn’t really a keeper after all, was he? The truth hurts, but a life of faking hurts way more.


When It’s Okay to Invite a Guy Home for Thanksgiving

November 25th, 2014

One of our favorite Thanksgiving movies, Pieces of April 

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “When will a guy feel comfortable being invited to his partner’s family’s place for Thanksgiving?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Each guy is different with regards to when he would feel comfortable, and frankly, there isn’t a formula that goes, “I’ve been with this guy for X amount of time and it is then correct time to introduce him to my family on the holiday most often reserved for blow-outs and confrontations.” Why guess and why worry about whether or not it’s the right time? Be direct. Communicate. You’re not psychic. Ask for what you want. If you feel like you want to introduce him to your family, then tell him so and tell him why you want to. He’ll either agree that it’s “appropriate” and be cool with with the idea, or he may balk and reject going for his own reasons, which I’d hope he’d articulate. But most importantly, don’t guess when is right, find out by just asking him.

mark_luczak_100Straight Married Guy (Mark Luczak): For the most part, I’d say the family Thanksgiving comfort level is reached when there’s a firmly established exclusive relationship. If it’s serving specifically as the Meet The Family (gasp!), that’s always a big benchmark — while the pageantry of any holiday can be an additional pressure, on the other hand it may be as good an opportunity as any to get the big introduction over with, if both partners feel ready (kind of pulling the band-aid off all at once, heh).

But in the case where some family has already met him, mutual comfort between one’s relatives and one’s partner usually mirrors the seriousness of the relationship to begin with. If your family has been gradually getting to know the guy and starting to recognize that things are perhaps becoming more serious, then it’s likely it’ll be identified as a situation where you’d want to bring him, and he’d equally want to be your plus-one.

james_glazebrook_100Straight Married English Guy (James Glazebrook): It depends — is he Native American? Is it cool for me as an Englishman to joke about this stuff? I’m not clear on the history of it all. In fact, everything I know about Thanksgiving comes from that Friends episode when Joey gets his head stuck in a Turkey — and I’m thinking that’s no basis for relationship advice.

Over here, the equivalent is probably being invited over for Christmas dinner. In which case, unless you’re just “having fun” or in that weird hinterland between dating and being boyfriend and girlfriend, then go for it. There’s going to be free food and drink, gifts and great TV (I’m not sure you get presents at Thanksgiving, but you’re definitely blessed with football), and your family will be at their drunkest and therefore their most entertaining. The only uncomfortable feeling should be heartburn, and that’ll soon pass.


Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married English Guy is James Glazebrook; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our other Straight Married Guy is Mark Luczak. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Your Call: Do I HAVE to Go to My Partner’s Family Thanksgiving?

November 24th, 2014

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 


My boyfriend of eight months invited me to his family Thanksgiving, which is sweet, but I’ve met them and I’d really rather not go through the pain of it (they’re religious, Republican, old fashioned). I don’t have any alternative plans (my family is too far away for me to make the trip, plus they’re their own kind of crazy) though I could probably crash in on some friends. Although being alone wouldn’t be as bad, I think, as spending forced “quality time” with his family (in separate rooms! we’re in our late 20s/early 30s). We’re good, but I’m not sure he’s “the one” and that we’ll be spending the rest of our Thanksgivings together. I know he’ll be hurt if I bail, but I really, really don’t want to go. One crazy family is enough! Am I in my rights to decline?

Thank you!

Pardon This Turkey

What advice do you have for P.T.T.? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below.