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Comment of the Week: How to Know If Porn Is a Deal Breaker

July 2nd, 2014

Reader misspiggy said the following in response to our post, Wise Guys: My Girlfriend Says Porn Is a Dealbreaker, Is She Right?

I think the guy should talk it through with his girlfriend and find out if her issue is with the ethics of porn production, or the whole concept of porn itself.

If it’s the former, she needs to educate herself, starting with a thorough read of Stoya’s Tumblr. There is plenty of porn, and plenty of areas of the porn industry, which are not misogynistic. It may be possible for the boyfriend and girlfriend to agree some parameters for porn which does actually meet her feminist standards.

If it‚Äôs the latter ‚Äď she‚Äôs grossed out by the idea of porn ‚Äď he needs to make it clear that her negative view of male sexuality is a deal breaker for him.


Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Turn Down Casual Sex?

July 1st, 2014

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do guys ever turn down casual sex? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): My own experience with casual sex is a bit limited.¬† I was always a “girlfriend guy” and it was only between relationships that I occasionally had the chance to get freaky with someone I wasn’t dating.¬† I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why a guy might choose to go home to his Xbox over a no-strings-attached BJ, but in my case it was almost always because the girl was way too drunk.¬† Call me old-fashioned, but there’s just nothing sexy to me about that slack-jawed, half-lidded stare from some girl in a bar who spills most of her drink wobbling over to you to invite you home.¬† The couple of times I did go home with someone who was far less than sober, the sex was always overly urgent and awkward and (shocker!) I usually regretted it.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): Yes guys do, contrary to popular belief, turn down casual sex on occasion. The number one reason given, “That bitch was crazy!” It’s really simple. Guys love casual sex when it is actually casual. If the chances of the girl going sideways and stalking, calling every day thereafter, or crying hysterically is too high, the risk to reward ratio is simply not good enough to take the chance. In all likelihood, any guy who is trolling for casual sex has a handful of booty-call numbers in his phone anyway, and isn’t scared to use them.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Gay guys turning down casual sex is like Tara Reid turning down a drink, but it does happen from time to time. The reasons can include just about anything from “I’m too drunk” to “you’re too ugly,” to “I’m going shopping with my mom,” but I find the most common reason guys turn down casual sex is because they’re in or starting a more serious relationship. And straight guys? I don’t think they’re any different from gay guys in this respect (except for, perhaps, the shopping thing). To a lesser extent, guys abstain from doing it no-strings to avoid passing on any temporary if nasty bugs. Gotta be clean!

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross and our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelorette” (Andi in Belgium)

July 1st, 2014

photo courtesy of ABC/Geert Vanden Wijngaert

  1. It’s honorable to take the process of falling in love seriously (Marcus), but would it kill you to crack a joke once in a while? There’s a reason why people rank “sense of humor” as one of the most important qualities they look for in a mate.
  2. To quote Nick: “You’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask for it.”
  3. Guys, it’s great to be in touch with your emotions and allow yourselves to cry, even publicly (Nick, Dylan) — sincerely — but now you’ve got to work on being able to express your emotions, whether good or bad, verbally. Tripping over your words (Nick), being uber-vague about your feelings (Nick, Josh) — these things are only mildly endearing for so long.
  4. Sour grapes aren’t very appealing. You can’t control how others (Nick) behave, you (all the other bachelors) can only control your own behavior and hope that it will serve you karmically in the end. So don’t be the nice guy who becomes a bad guy by railing against the original bad guy.
  5. Never stay at a hotel that will give any rando who knows your name a key to your room!


Your Weekly Horoscopes: Independence Day Edition!

June 30th, 2014

Each week, we at¬†EMandLO.com¬†predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of¬†irreverent horoscopes¬†‚ÄĒ ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Sign your Declaration of lnfatuation already and distribute it to the object of your infatuation. You’re guaranteed at least 200 years of love.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
You’re like the ice cream man at the town park in humid 80-degree heat: everyone wants a piece of you. Be careful who you give licks to.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Take this holiday off just to pamper yourself and relax. Don’t worry about going to all the best BBQs or getting a great tan or finding the best American flag shirt with matching slacks. Even if you just stay in and catch up on all that Tivo’d Frontline you’ve been meaning to watch, that’s patriotic enough. What this has to do with love, we have no clue.

Read the rest of this entry »

Write a Sexy World Cup Haiku, Win $200 to Spend at LELO

June 30th, 2014

Did your male sports fan partner miss the memo about buying you a sex toy before the World Cup? Or did you yourself miss the memo and your partner is now wondering where her pleasure object is? Well, here’s your chance to win $200 to spend at LELO and make amends, no matter who wins the World Cup.

As we reported here recently, men account for four of every five sex toy transactions at LELO.com in the week before a big sporting event. (Normally their transactions are split 50-50, men-women.) And these aren’t male toys the dudes are buying: the purchases are decidedly female in nature. We’re not sure whether this is an evolved form of sexual bribery, but we like the trend about a million times more than that other sports-viewing statistic — the one about the rise in domestic violence after major sporting events. Could it be that vibrators are saving the world?

In honor of this sporting-related upswing in sex toy purchases by men, we are pleased to announce our latest LELO contest: Write a World Cup-themed sexy haiku in the comments section below for a chance to win a $200 gift certificate to LELO!¬†We’ll announce the winner on the day of the World Cup final.

Here are the rules:

1. Post a haiku in the comments section below, or submit via our contact form here Рenter as many times as you like! Just remember to follow the 5/7/5 syllable format.

2. Deadline is end of day Friday, July 11th (so we can announce the winner on Sunday, the day of the final!).

3. Bonus points if your haiku mentions LELO or a LELO toy.

4. Even more bonus points if you post your haiku to Facebook or Twitter (don’t forget to let us know if you do this).

5. Automatic disqualification for anything too graphic.

6. You must be 18 or over to enter.

7. When you fill out the comment section below or send us a haiku via our contact form, make sure you include a viable email address (which we will keep private) so we can contact you in case you win.

8. Winners who do not claim their prize by responding to the private email from Em & Lo within seven days forfeit their prize, at which time another best haiku will be chosen.

Happy Haiku-ing! And don’t forget that¬†LELO¬†is currently offering FREE SHIPPING on any order made during the international futbol¬†tournament.¬†Just use code ‚ÄúBRAZIL‚ÄĚ at checkout on¬†LELO.com. Finally:¬†Goooooo U.S.A.!


10 Ways to Sexify Your Gratitude Journal

June 27th, 2014

photo via Flickr

Everyone from Oprah to Real Simple to the guy at Harvard who teaches classes on happiness has talked about gratitude journals — you know, every night you write down, say, five things you were grateful for that day. Could be big things (my wonderful supportive family) or small (Honey Bunches of Oats at midnight).

Sounds too simplistic to make you feel better about your life, right? But if you’ve ever tried it then you know it actually works! So if you have a gratitude journal, great; if not, start one.

Then, make sure you dedicate at least one of the items on your list every day to something sex- or romance-related, to help you feel better about and really appreciate your love life. Here are 10 examples for inspiration:

  1. My Magic Wand
  2. The response I got on online personals today
  3. The delicious homemade dinner my partner cooked for me
  4. Choosing sex over tv
  5. The look on my spouse’s face when I surprised them with a pre-sex massage with Lelo oil
  6. Spontaneous declarations of love from my partner
  7. Organic natural lubricant
  8. My spouse’s inclination to split all house chores down the middle
  9. Discovered a new route to my orgasm!
  10. The adorable dimples my partner gets when s/he smiles

Dream Interpretation: I Keep Finding Babies

June 26th, 2014

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I am 33 years old and in my second marriage. I have 2 boys from my previous marriage and cannot have anymore children. My current husband is quite fine being their dad, and their father is deceased. Sometimes I think I would love to have a little girl.

I keep having a recurring dream several times a month where i find an abandoned baby. The baby has been different races and sexes. In my dream I am very happy and love the baby dearly. I guard the baby because I don’t want anyone to know I have the baby, for fear the person who abandoned it will want it back, or child services will take it away.

The baby is found in very random places (one was under a car in an empty parking lot). In my dream I often get the strong feeling I want to adopt the baby but don’t know how to do it legally without involving other people that may make me lose the baby.

Very curious as to what this dream means. One time in the dream I went to my mom and asked her to have her RN friend forge a birth certificate that she’d seen me give birth to it. I am often filled with fear in my dream that someone will take it back when they know I have the baby. I never STEAL the baby. I FIND it.

Lauri: Babies in dreams are very common, even when one does not want another baby. Remember, dreams do not speak literally but rather symbolically. So the babies you keep dreaming of are not about a new addition to the family but rather a new addition to YOU! A baby is a new life, so in dreams they will represent a new life for the dreamer.

The interesting thing about your baby dreams is that rather than giving birth to the baby, you are finding an abandoned baby. That’s an important detail. So it seems there is some new element to your life — but not an element of your doing, such as writing a book or starting a group, but instead a new element where you may be picking up where someone else left off.

There’s also a lot of legal concern in this dream, which may very well mean there is legal concern over something you want to take on in your real life. If not actual legal concern, then moral concern.

So: What endeavor or idea are you wanting to take on as your own lately? Your dream seems to be saying that, despite your concerns, this endeavor needs you as much as you need it.

Visit Lauri’s brand new site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.