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Did the Ghost of My Dead Husband Visit Me in My Dreams?

April 3rd, 2014

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about love or sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty and/or romantic dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I dreamed that my first husband, who passed away in 2007, was lying next to me, holding me from the back, whispering something into my ear.  I was trying to turn around because I didn’t know who it was. I’m currently divorced from my second husband as of last September.  When I turned around and saw his face, he smiled, but I knew that he was gone and started crying and woke up.  Once I woke up I really cried like a little baby.  What did this dream mean?  I haven’t dreamed about him in a long time, and that situation threw me off. What do you think?  

Lauri: Aw, I am so sorry for your loss. I know this dream was difficult. I hope I can bring some comfort and clarity to you.

Now, I take a very practical approach to analyzing dreams and believe that everything and everyone in your dream represents a part of you or a part of your life. However, when we dream of a deceased loved one, I can’t help but feel that sometimes it may be them, certainly not every time, but sometimes. And those dreams usually feel different than other dreams. You wake from the dream still feeling their presence, sometimes even smelling their cologne or perfume. Is it wishful thinking on my part? Perhaps. But that is also coupled with research that seems to suggest dreams are a possible means of communication. So I am going to approach your dream from both schools of thought.

Psychologically speaking, what is behind you in a dream often represents your past. Your late husband is indeed a part of your past, that which is “behind” you. In the dream you try to turn around because a part of you probably wishes to go back to a happier time and to a more loving partner. He then gives you a smile. In dream psychology receiving a smile in a dream is a sign of self approval, which would mean your deeper, intuitive self feels you have done the right thing and that everything will be okay.

Spiritually speaking, who’s to say it wasn’t the spirit of your late husband coming through to you during a difficult time in your life when you feel most alone and letting you know he is still with you? In my heart I believe it is possible.

Either way, the crying you did afterwards was definitely needed and this dream served the purpose of helping you cleanse your psyche, bringing you comfort.

Visit Lauri’s brand new site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.




A Love Poem for National Poetry Month

April 3rd, 2014

photo via Flickr

APRIL IS National Poetry Month. So to have your new book of poems be named one of the Books of the Week by Publishers Weekly this week has got to feel doubly good. Thus, a big congrats to our friend Mark Bibbins, whose new book is called “They Don’t Kill You Because They’re Hungry, They Kill You Because They’re Full.” A few weeks ago we featured his “Poem that Wants to Use Revelation 3:16 as an Epigraph.” Below is another great one from his new book. Enjoy!


By the Number 3

Can we back up and read
that sign again, the one

trying to tell us about a band
playing on a beach lined

with pine trees, very old.
If the internet doesn’t work

there you have to build
your own. Let’s rewrite

the constellations
so they read as all kinds

of fruits: here we see
the Grape Cluster reclining

just above the indigo treetops;
Can of Lychees keeps tampering

with my weekly horoscope
but I don’t know how.

Thus magic shuffles reluctantly
toward us and if you claim

you can organize it you should
be making a joke. Look

at a 3 the wrong way
and all you see is your own

wretchedness. If you look at 3
in a different way you might

see a fortunate mouth getting
ready to kiss. You used to

feel like you were always
going to the same place

but it didn’t hurt and other
times the ocean glowed

so blue it broke
half your bones.


Mark Bibbins’ “They Don’t Kill You Because They’re Hungry, They Kill You Because They’re Full” is available on Amazon.com.








The Exact Perfect Way to Have “The Talk”

April 2nd, 2014

photo via Flickr

We don’t know how we missed Julia Sweeney talking about giving The Talk to her curious 8-year-old daughter, but it’s definitely worth a reshare/revisit four years later. Parents, watch and learn (in some cases what not to do):




Is LELO’s 1st Ever Right-Handed Vibrator For Reals?

April 2nd, 2014


It was just another in a long line of clever Internet April Fool’s jokes yesterday. Last year, our favorite pleasure object creators — LELO — “put out” the world’s first Ikea-style sex toy called GÄSM; and this year they “invented” a squeezable vibrating object called DEXTRÜS that was supposed to allow right-handed people to tap into the as-yet-unrealized creativity, intelligence, and pleasure the left-handed have enjoyed since the dawn of mankind. Hey, it sounded cool to us! And even their fake banners looked beautiful and sophisticated (see below).

Even though there is no DEXTRÜS, there is still a grand prize: a $200 gift certificate to use at LELO.com! So a big CONGRATULATIONS to our winner drawn at random: Amanda B! And thanks to everyone else who entered our LELO contest — you came really close!

So pay attention to all our future LELO contests: even when they’re not real, you can still win big!



What Made Your Marriage Fail?

April 1st, 2014

Are you separated, divorced, or on your way there? If so, we want to hear from you. (We promise complete anonymity!) We’re working on a new project about happy-ever-afters… and not-so-happy-ever-afters… and we want to interview couples, over email, about the thing that caused their marriage to fail.

If you’re interested in sharing your story anonymously — it’s a chance to vent, or to put it all down for posterity, or to help others avoid the same pitfalls — then send us a message via our contact form here. And we’ll tawk!

Oh, and if your marriage is a gloriously happy one? Or at least reasonably satisfying? No discrimination: We want to hear from you, too. Again, anonymity is guaranteed. Just send us a message via our contact form here.

Thanks, as always, for sharing…. and over-sharing.


Confession: The Problem with Bisexuality

April 1st, 2014

Yesterday, Nathaniel Frank gave us a male perspective on bisexuality; today, we’re getting a female perspective. In honor of the culmination of Bisexual Awareness Month yesterday, our long-time contributor Ariel E.M. Servadio wrote the following article on her recently relaunched Cephaloblog about her own bisexuality, which she’s graciously allowing us to reprint here today. 


Make up your mind already.

My problem with bisexuality is not that “they just can’t decide.” My problem is not that “they’re confused.” My problem is not that “they’re being greedy”. My problem is that “they” are me, and you probably didn’t know that.

Really, it’s just not fair – bisexuals can live under the guise of being straight, and therefore conform more nicely into society somewhat unintentionally, if they just happen to only meet and date people of the opposite sex. I know this, because it’s what I’ve done all of my life.


It makes me feel guilty. In a culture where LGBTetc. rights are finally getting the respect and legal recognition that they deserve, and more people than ever are truly “out and proud,” I am hiding in plain sight. I guess I’m not out – but truthfully, I was never really in. Because I’m gay. And I’m straight. Once, in complimenting my outfit, my friend told me “You kind of look like a lesbian”1 and I replied, “that’s funny, because I am kind of a lesbian!” Jokingly, I’ve described myself as half-lesbian, or half-gay.

Growing up, I just thought I was very open minded. I felt that for me personally, it was more about the person inside than their genitalia. I realize that’s not the case for everyone and that’s fine – that’s just how I’ve always felt. But it never really occurred to me that that person would ever be a woman, because I was only ever attracted to and dated men. Although I occasionally found myself sexually attracted to women throughout my post-pubescent life, no one needed to know about it, because I had no intentions of acting on it. I never met a woman I wanted to date. It just didn’t happen. Once, much later, I finally did meet a woman that I wanted to date, and we ended up becoming great friends instead.2

And this is really where the problem with bisexuality comes in: the truth of the matter is, I have a choice.

Let me affirm that I do not believe sexual orientation is a lifestyle choice in any way, shape or form. To quote Lady GaGa, “I was born this way, baby.” But I do, perhaps to the detriment of our already quavering reputation, think that bisexuals have a choice in the way they live their lives. Regardless of whether I’m born with an attraction to both men and women or not, if I only seek romantic relationships with the opposite sex out of societal conditioning, convenience, fear or utter cluelessness, I can live an easier, more socially acceptable, straight life.

I could spend the rest of my life choosing not to pursue romantic relationships with the same sex and live as a heterosexual, as far as everyone else knows. If federal and state laws don’t go my way and don’t respect homosexuals as human beings that deserve the same rights as all other human beings, no sweat – I can marry a man, adopt a child with him, whatever I want, and everyone will be 1) none the wiser and 2) never disgusted by how I live my life.

And that’s just not fucking fair.

You can’t help who you fall in love with, that is true – I mean, hey, I’m as big a fan of Chasing Amy as anyone. But is it unrealistic to think that I can, and have, influenced my sexual orientation over the years by unconsciously not considering women dateable? Being straight is so easy, so smiled upon, so normal – who would choose to live any other way?

No one would, and that is why it is a certainty that sexuality is inherent. I guess in a sense, we all do have a choice when it comes to sexuality: to be happy and live as who we truly are, or to be unhappy and socially acceptable. And anyone who chooses unhappiness, despite how much society shits on you otherwise, is choosing wrong. Your happiness is everything. The entire point of life is to be happy – why choose anything else?

What my problem ultimately comes down to is this – if I never date and fall in love with a girl, I could live the rest of my life as a straight woman. But I’m not going to. Because whether I ever end up doing so or not, I know that I would, and I won’t limit myself with a binary label. I’ve made up my mind: I’m bisexual.

1. She sincerely meant this in the best way possible – she loves lesbians. 

2. This can be a problem with women, I’ve found – real crushes can turn into friend crushes which can turn into incredible friendships with no romantic possibility, ever. Sigh, the sapphic life. 

Craig Ferguson perfectly articulates my feelings about coffee, tea and bisexuality:

Craig, where do yo come down on the tea vs. coffee debate?
There is no tea vs. coffee debate!
You're making it up!
I like tea, I like coffee!
I like milk chocolate, I like dark chocolate!
I like penises, I like vaginas!

Confession: (My) Bisexuality Is Really Not That Complicated

March 31st, 2014

In honor of the last day of Bisexuality Awareness Month (it’s sort of ironically fitting, given how overlooked bisexuality so often is, that we only just realized March was Bisexual Awareness Month), we’re publishing an essay by our friend Nathaniel Frank, originally posted on Slate. He is best known as the author of the book Unfriendly Fire: How the Gay Ban Undermines the Military and Weakens America, and was an expert witness in two Constitutional challenges to “don’t ask, don’t tell,” whose success helped end the policy. And though he’s been a friend for years, until he published this essay, we’d always assumed he was gay. Which is one of many reasons why we wanted to publish it…

Bisexuality has been the subject of chatter lately, since the New York Times Magazine ran a cover story on the quest to prove it exists. There was a time when I used to dread this topic. I’m one of those people who, when pressed, identifies as bi, but far more often says I’m gay. And I’m not alone: When surveyed, a majority of LGB people say they’re “B,” but how many self-identified bisexuals do you know? Most Americans have gay or lesbian friends and associates, but many fewer seem to have bisexual ones that they know of, despite their statistical ubiquity among LGB people.

Why don’t bisexuals like me come out more? Part of it is laziness. But you don’t find many gay or straight people identifying as something other than who they really are just because they’re lazy. Part of it is stigma. As discussed in (and, some say, perpetuated by) the Times Magazine piece, bisexuals get little respect, not only from the world at large, but specifically from gays and lesbians, some of whom have long insisted they don’t exist. There is a widespread belief that those who identify as bi are either in a transitional stage or are lying (to themselves or others)—trying to savor the status of straightitude while enjoying the pleasures of gaydom. And this suspicion of the enduring reality of bisexuality contributes to “bisexual erasure,” which the Times piece defines as “the idea that bisexuality is systematically minimized and dismissed.” Read the rest of this entry »

Your Weekly Horoscopes: 03-31-14

March 31st, 2014

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
If you accept the first offer that comes along, you’ll never know how many more you might have had to choose from. Don’t listen to your friends who tell you that you’re being “selfish” by making people wait for an answer. They’re just jealous that they’re not more in demand.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Don’t settle just to get a date on Thursday. It’s like Amanda Jones says at the end of Some Kind of Wonderful: “I’d rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones.”

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You sleep over; they think it’s serious. You buy them flowers; they fall a little harder. You say, “I love you”; they think you mean it. You go down on them…oh wait, never mind. Think before you act this week: Are you prepared to accept the consequences?

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
You’ll be confused about love this week (join the club). And if you’re confused, it’s probably not a good time to make any rash decisions. Especially since once you make your mind up about something, you tend to defend that decision with much pomp and circumstance, even if everyone in the world — including you — knows it’s a bad one. Try being shy and reserved for once. It won’t work for very long, but it’ll at least get you through the week.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Yield for pleasure. Everything’s coming up roses. Everything’s going your way. Hey, is that a bluebird on your shoulder? Your sex life is going to take a turn for the spicy this week, whether that means your long-time love finally agrees to try a third position, that hottie finally returns your call, or you finally figure out how to get invited to an orgy.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
When Charles Schwab was asked once how he did so well in the financial markets (actually, we’re guessing he got asked that pretty much every freakin’ day of his life), he said, “By always selling too early.” You would do well to apply his advice to your love life: Sure, it’s hard to cash out when you’re having so much fun playing the market, but the longer you try to play the game, the more likely you are to end up stone-broke or loveless.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
A really easy short-cut to happiness, satisfaction, and contentedness is to tailor your goals to make them attainable. Or at least, pick a few new, short-term, easily accomplishable goals to add to your list. Like maybe “Have a fling” should be added to your list, right above “Find a soulmate and settle down for a lifelong relationship that includes communication, great sex, three kids, and a loyal and well-behaved golden retriever.”

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
You’re likely to attract all sorts of interest while you’re out and about this week. However, not all of it will be to your advantage. Maybe you don’t want the parking officer so “interested” in whether or not you’re re-feeding the meter. And maybe you don’t want your boss so “interested” in how much of your day you spend IM-ing with your friends. And maybe, just maybe, you don’t want your mother “interested” in your collection of avant-garde porn. All we’re saying is, if you insist on wearing the pink tutu and making your armpit “sing” the “Golden Girls” theme song, make sure that’s what you want to be noticed for.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
It’s set-up city this week. A friend, a relative, a co-worker perhaps, will hook you up with a possibility. Resistance is futile. Submit! And don’t be shy: You’re a star and they’re an astronomer. Which could just mean they’re a total dork, but it’s always nice to be liked.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Everything is funnier in threes except sex. Threeways? They totally suck (if you don’t agree, then you’ve been watching too much porn). Love triangles? They suck harder. Two Girls and a Guy? Don’t even get us started on how bad that movie sucked. If you must have group sex, make it a fourway so no one’s piggy in the middle. If you must enter a love triangle, please don’t kid yourself that it’s going to end in anything but tears (well, tears and mindblowing sex, probably). And if you must rent a Robert Downey Jr. movie, make it Iron Man or Only You.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Turn off your judge-O-meter. Focus on the good qualities of your romantic interest, not their real or imagined wussiness.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
You’re smooth and inviting, with a good head on your shoulders, just like a nice pint of Guinness. Quench the thirst of any partner you choose this week — because with your charm, it’ll be like everyone’s wearing beer goggles when they look at you, whether they’re sober or sloshed.


Tell Us Your Viagra Story!

March 28th, 2014

Does your partner use Viagra for erectile dysfunction or just recreationally? Have you used it yourself, for whatever reason? If so, we want to hear from you! We’re working on an article for a new national health and wellbeing magazine about the pros and cons of Viagra use in relationships and marriages. ANONYMITY GUARANTEED! If you’ve got some experience with this drug, please write to us via our contact form, selecting “Interview Me for Your Article!” from the pull down menu — and be sure to include your age, relationship-status, a sentence or two about your experience, and your email address so we can reach you directly (we will not share your address with anyone). Looking forward to hearing from you!

Share your Viagra story with us!