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Calling All Creatives! LELO’s Search for New Forms of Pleasure!

April 24th, 2013

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Are you as passionate about design as you are about passion? Have you always wanted to invent your own pleasure object? Do you dream at night of wonderful and gorgeous new ways to turn on the world? Then do we have a contest for you! As part of their ten-year anniversary celebration, LELO is launching its first ever pleasure objects design contest.

Here’s the deal: LELO has always prided itself on products that are as aesthetically pleasing as they are erotically pleasing — in other words, toys that please your sense of touch and your sense of sight. But now LELO wants contestants to focus on the other three senses: sound, taste, and smell, using at least one of these senses as a launching point of inspiration. You can submit ideas in two different categories: 1) Fashion Accessories, and 2) Products & Spaces.

Here’s more straight from LELO, with specifics after the video:

Applicants are asked to give a personal interpretation of pleasure that pushes sensory boundaries of all kinds. You should create objects, accessories and experiences to enhance the possibility of pleasure in everyday life. It’s time to make creative use of neglected or overlooked ideas of pleasure – positive design for positive experiences!

1. FASHION & ACCESSORIES
In what way can the clothes and accessories we wear become tools for pleasure and entertainment?
What playful and unexpected functions could they incorporate? Make fashion fun and explore new possibilities for pleasure!

2. PRODUCTS & SPACES
Micro-technologies, augmented reality, responsive and smart materials are already changing the ways we interact with objects and spaces. Do something different and think about how interaction can deliver new forms of pleasure.

JUDGING CRITERIA
1. Innovation in delivering pleasure
2. Uniqueness and originality of design
3. Ability to involve multiple senses
4. Functionality

Applications will be accepted until August 1^st, 2013, and 5 finalists will have their works exhibited at this year’s London Design Week and showcased on the LELO homepage (and the winner in each category will get a thousand Euros to boot). Check out the official LELO Design Award 2013 website for more details on how to enter the contest.

Tags: Contest, Contests, Design, Lelo, Sex Toys
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Dear Em & Lo: I Can’t Keep Up with My Girlfriend’s Libido

April 24th, 2013

photo via flickr
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Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and we love each other very much, but she is way more into sex than I am. I try to match her libido but she is still too much for me. She also likes to use sex just to pleasure herself or relieve stress, but she’s been getting too restless as the years go by.

I use sex to have fun with her and amplify my love for her but I just can’t keep up and now sex feels like work instead of fun. All I can do is tell her to calm down but I know something else needs to be done. I’m actually getting worried that we may break up because of our differences. I don’t know what to do — can you please help?

– Be Careful What You Wish For

Dear B.C.W.Y.W.F.,

First of all, we should admit straight out that we don’t have an easy answer for you — in fact, the main reason we chose to answer your letter is because we felt like it would help so many people to read it. Wildly different libidos is one of the most difficult obstacles to overcome in a relationship (well, that and the whole porn issue), but too many people assume that libido problems are all about men wanting sex more than women. In fact, we receive just as many — if not more — letters about the opposite problem, i.e. yours — women wanting sex more than men.

In part this is simply a factor of the way male and female orgasms work: Most men can climax at the brush of an elbow, so sex is pretty awesome for them from day one of a relationship — and, in fact, because they know they can climax at the brush of an elbow, the desire to experience an orgasm with someone else can be particularly strong. Many women, on the other hand, don’t climax with a partner until they are deep into a relationship — when they are completely comfortable with the person, when their partner has learned their body inside and out, and whey they have figured out together what makes her tick. Which means that for many women, sex keeps getting better as a relationship progresses — which might make her want more of it as time goes on.

Which is not to say that sex can’t improve for a guy, too, as a relationship progresses. For one thing, the more comfortable you are with each other, the more you might be willing to experiment more (and if that’s you, then you should definitely check out our book 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink!). Also, we like to think that guys enjoy sex more when their partner is clearly enjoying herself more.

Anyway, back to your situation. First of all, it’s not clear from your letter whether or not your girlfriend masturbates. Does she? If not, she needs to! Masturbation is an awesome way to relieve stress and pleasure yourself — especially when your partner isn’t in the mood. Perhaps you could treat your girlfriend to a new toy for her alone time to let her know that you fully support her in her self-love habit! Toys made by LELO like the Smart Wand or the Nea Vibrator are gorgeously packaged (i.e. perfect for gifting!) and are designed to appeal on an aesthetic and a sensual level — and they’re hardly phallic, either, so you won’t feel left out! (Though if you do, the Nea happens to work perfectly between two bodies during intercourse, FYI.)

Outside of masturbation, it’s all a matter of compromise. Face it — most couples don’t have exactly matching libidos. That’s just not possible — especially considering the way everyone’s libidos wax and wane over time. So this means that sometimes one person will end up having sex when they’re not exactly in the mood, and sometimes the other person will have to sneak off for some self-love time or just take a cold shower. As long as there’s a bit of both in the equation, and as long as you’re both comfortable with her self-love time, you should be able to find some common ground.

And if you can’t? Well, that’s something only the two of you can decide on together. You should definitely talk to her about your concerns now, and let her know that you want to make this work. Figure it out together. Try all of the above, and if, after all that, you’re still not happy, it might be time to set each other free.

The truth hurts (but divorce hurts more),

Em & Lo

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Tags: Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Libido, Masturbation
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4 Easy Ways to Enjoy Sensation Play

April 23rd, 2013

Lelo’s Tantra Feather Teaser

Sensation play might as well be called sensational play. After all, sex shouldn’t always be rub, climax, rinse, repeat. Add a little subtlety to your sexuality and you get sensuality, the driving force behind “sensation play.” It’s notoriously been the domain of sensitive ponytailed men and earnest granola chicks who own speculums, but it doesn’t have to be. No matter whether you have a sense of irony or not, experimenting with different textures and temperatures, both on and around your erogenous zones, wakes up your body to new experiences and surprises your nerves with the unexpected. So here are five easy ways to try it out in the bedroom:

1. Ice Cubes. One of the cheapest, most readily available sex toys there is. Perfect to perk up lazy erogenous zones on a hot summer day. But remember, safety first: you don’t want anything to go numb or turn blue. And be sure to use the cubes externally only, lest they tear delicate internal linings. For sillier sex, get this Pecker Ice Cube Tray.

2. Candle Wax. Why should goths have all the fun? First be sure to use a soy candle or a made-for-play massage oil candle. (Absolutely no scented, colored or beeswax candles — they burn way too hot!) Blow the candle out before dripping the wax; test the wax on the back of your hand first; once the wax hits your partner’s skin, rub it in to disperse the heat; do not drip the wax on your partner’s face or delicate mucous membranes (you know, those areas where STDs and infection get passed the most). But if you’d like clean up a little easier, go for a nice massage candle where the wax turns into massage oil.

3. Feathers. Sometimes the lightest touches can elicit the most intense tingles. A single feather, a feather tickler with a handle, or even a feather boa work well. (We must insist that if you use a feather duster, it must be brand new and never used for actual cleaning. Faux fur is probably a better substitute. ) For a dramatic contrast of sensations, combine it will the delightful sting of a little spank on (only) the plumpest part of your partner’s bottom.

4. Blindfolds. It’s not the sensation of fabric against your eyes that’s important here; it’s the fact that limiting one sense (sight) can heighten another (touch). When you don’t know what’s coming, the feeling when you actually get it is that much more intense. Proper blindfolds are nice, but if you don’t have one handy, a soft scarf will do (just tie it on the side so they don’t have to lie on the knot). Combine with some headphones to drown out your sense of sound, and you’ll multiply that intensity. Hey, it worked for Anastasia Steele!

For more on sensation play, first-time spanking, and other kinky endeavors, pick up a copy of 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon!

This article originally appeared on

Tags: 150 Shades of Play, Advice, Fifty Shades of Grey, Good Vibes, How To, Kink, Sex Toy Retailers, Sex Toys
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Your Call: Is Getting Him on a Porn Diet Realistic?

April 22nd, 2013

photo via Wiki Commons

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

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Dear Em & Lo,

Intellectually, I get porn and how it works for guys. I myself like the occasional erotica collection. But emotionally, I still can’t help but feel really bad when I stumble upon some of my live-in boyfriend’s “smut.” We have a sort of don’t ask, don’t tell policy regarding porn, but it’s hard to hide 100% of the time. Most days I can forget about it — a sort of forced denial — but when I really think about it, it just depresses me. Sometimes I wonder if it negatively affects our sex life: if I’m not in the mood, he turns to porn, he gets satisfied there, then doesn’t initiate sex with me, and he keeps not initiating sex with me because porn will always be in the mood. I just came across this Male Anti-Masturbation Movement thing via your site and can’t help but wonder if something like that might be good for our relationship — if he took a break from porn and focused on me, I’d feel better about the sex and not just feel like a porn substitute, which would make me want to have sex more. I’m not saying “ban all porn!” I’m just wondering if you agree that a porn diet might actually benefit our relationship…? And if so, how I should go about suggesting it…?

– Torn About Porn

What should T.A.P. do? Let her know in the comments section below.

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Your Weekly Horoscopes: 04-22-13

April 22nd, 2013

grandcentral_ceiling_421 photo by Simply Schmoopie

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
There’s all kinds a’ passion, as Bubba might say. Love-passion, sex-passion, football-passion, jealous-passion. Mistaking one for the other can lead to trouble.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
So maybe Paula Abdul believed that opposites attract, but since when do you take dating advice from a pill-popping ex Idol judge who once put Keanu Reeves in one of her music videos? We’re not going to tell you to stop being attracted to a certain someone (that’s like asking Kobe Bryant to please stop being so tall, or Lindsay Lohan to please stop being so dramatic). But we will say this: take it as slowly as your libido allows for (feel free to chew on ice). Because we have a feeling that pretty soon all those little “quirks” that you find so endearing (their NRA membership, their facial tattoo, their belief in personal energy fields, whatever) will be as annoying to you as they are to the rest of us. And then won’t you be sorry if you already slept with them?

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Life isn’t always like the movies — sorry, we hate to burst your bubble — but we have occasionally found some useful dating tips in the Oscar-winning ones. As Good as It Gets, for example. Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt, “You make me want to be a better man.” Even if you don’t have OCD, there’s a lesson here: Mr. or Ms. Right doesn’t arrive neatly packaged on your doorstep with postal insurance and a “Right” label on their forehead. No, you and your right-hand man or woman will inspire each other to be better people (and more right for each other) on a daily basis. If you keep your standards high, everyone will have a happy ending.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Em eats pizza with mayonnaise. (Gross, right?) But you’d be amazed at what a conversation starter this is. She’s made more than one acquaintance by catching someone’s eye with this disgusting dietary habit, yes sirree. This week, take Em’s lead and really focus on what makes you unique, what truly sets you apart, and perhaps you can skeeve out someone you’d have otherwise never met.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
In the immortal words of rock band Pearl Jam, country singer Faith Hill, and actor Drew Barrymore in the movie Ever After: “Just breathe.” Everyone’s got a little anger and anxiety brewing — if you didn’t, you’d be Deepak Chopra (and we have a feeling his sex life is a bit of a yawner). Just don’t let these emotions get in the way of your good time this week — or your partner’s.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
In Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (the 1992 movie, of course), our shop-aholic savior doesn’t go out looking for fangsters. No, they come to her. She doesn’t act, she just reacts, breaking hearts left and right. You’ll be able to relate this week.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
This week, go to a club that does punk-rock karaoke with a live band. Even if you’ve never been before, even if it’s not quite your thing, get up there and give it a shot, shake your groove thang, sing off-key, etc. You’re sure to make an ass of yourself, but who knows, in the process you might wind up meeting some new and interesting people. Or you could just end up getting your ass kicked. But sometimes making a special friend or two is worth a black eye. (That’s so punk rock anyway.) Okay, okay, you don’t necessarily have to sing “Anarchy in the UK” in front of a bunch of black-clad, studded-belt wearing strangers, but it could be a good time for you to break out and bust a few new moves in front of a wider audience.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
As much as we wanted the body wave, the red nails, the off-the-shoulder shirt and the shiny, black, painted-on pants, we always liked — and related to — the inquisitive, thoughtful, pensive Sandra Dee. Personifying Sandy Version 1.0 this week could really help you transform into the hot, black-clad, sex cat you’re destined to be.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
We’re not suggesting you play hard to get (and god forbid we ever give out such low-life advice), but we will say this: What’s your rush? You have all the time in the world, and the longer you take to make your decision, the more attentive a certain someone will become. (Which is not your goal, of course; it’s simply a pleasant side effect.)

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
If Hollywood were high school (wait, you mean Hollywood isn’t one big high school?), then Reese Witherspoon would be prom queen and homecoming queen and class president and captain of the soccer team, too. And try as you might, you just wouldn’t be able to dislike her, because she’d be so nice to all the geeks, even you. Except you don’t live in Hollywood so you don’t have to be the geek, you get to be Reese Witherspoon! Yeah, that’s what we meant to say: if your life were Hollywood, then you’d be the impossible-to-resist Reese Witherspoon this week. And you didn’t even have to lose thirty pounds or get a nose job to be that way.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
What do Susan Powter, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Donald Trump, Courtney Love, Patti Stanger, and your spinning instructor at the gym have in common? Yes, they’re all quite scary in their own inimitable ways, but what else? That’s right: they’re aggressive. And we have a feeling they have pretty amazing sex lives too (or at least they think they have pretty amazing sex lives, which is half the battle). Follow their lead and take the lead.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
No one ever met the love of their life sitting home on a Saturday night in front of their computer. Unless of course they were using online personals, in which case they were either on their way to meeting Mr./Ms. Right or to having a great horror dating story to tell at cocktail parties. As much as we encourage you to post an ad and respond to others online, sometimes you’ve just got to put the mouse down and go outside for some fresh air and in-the-flesh flirting. Your ass will thank you for it.

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Tags: Horoscopes
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A Sexy Poem to Celebrate National Poetry Month

April 19th, 2013

photo via flickr

April is National Poetry Month, so we thought we’d celebrate by sharing with you one of our favorite erotic poems. This poem by Christina Rossetti is a little more, er subtle than Fifty Shades of Grey — it’s not exactly wank material. But we were in the mood for a classic. And as our old pal Jack Murnighan of Nerve’s Naughty Bits fame will tell you, the classics can be dirtier than E.L. James after three martinis.

Read this narrative poem on a gorgeous spring day when everyone — women and men alike — are wearing a little less and eating something fresh and juicy outside, and we guarantee your mood will take a turn for the salacious. In the absence of an English professor, Wikipedia can help you parse the poem — if you’re having trouble sorting the juicy double entendres from the feminist allusions.

(We were torn between this poem and “because i love you)last night” by e.e. cummings, but quoting e.e. cummings always makes us feel a little cheesy.)

Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti

Morning and evening
Maids heard the goblins cry:
“Come buy our orchard fruits,
Come buy, come buy:
Apples and quinces,
Lemons and oranges,
Plump unpeck’d cherries,
Melons and raspberries,
Bloom-down-cheek’d peaches,
Swart-headed mulberries,
Wild free-born cranberries,
Crab-apples, dewberries,
Pine-apples, blackberries,
Apricots, strawberries;—
All ripe together
In summer weather,—
Morns that pass by,
Fair eves that fly;
Come buy, come buy:
Our grapes fresh from the vine,
Pomegranates full and fine,
Dates and sharp bullaces,
Rare pears and greengages,
Damsons and bilberries,
Taste them and try:
Currants and gooseberries,
Bright-fire-like barberries,
Figs to fill your mouth,
Citrons from the South,
Sweet to tongue and sound to eye;
Come buy, come buy.”

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Tags: Poetry
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Blog Snog: Why the Male Anti-Masturbation Trend Is a Good Thing

April 19th, 2013

photo via flickr

The Frisky: Why the male anti-masturbation movement is actually a good thing.
Nerve: Why do we care more about other people’s sex lives than our own?
YourTango: 10 tell-tale signs that he’s cheating on you.
PopSugar: What to do when you don’t like him back.
How About We: Why I’m saving myself for my gay marriage.
HuffPo Women: Which comes first: The woman or her eggs?
150 Shades of Play: Moms are kinky people too.

Tags: Blogs
Posted in Pop Culture, Websites | 1 Comment »

My Meds Are Making My Dreams Sexually Terrifying

April 18th, 2013

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, another reader continues the running Sapphic theme and asks Lauri:

I have recently been diagnosed with depression and am currently on prescription medication for it. But for the last couple of months, since I’ve been taking these meds, I’ve had the weirdest dreams.

I keep dreaming that I’m being hunted down by a serial killer. Some nights I dream that he finds me and threatens me with a gun while he rapes me. Other nights I dream that I commit suicide just to make sure he doesn’t find me. He does horrible things, like crushing the heads of baby animals… I once dreamed that he made me have sex with another woman. I am not gay. This was terrible… I do not know who he is, but it is the same guy featured in every dream.

Please help me understand why I am having these dreams? Apart from the depression, that was triggered by the traumatic birth of my daughter (she is a healthy 9 months old now), I am happily married with the normal toils of everyday life, nothing spectacular. I keep thinking about my dreams during the day and they seem to make me even more depressed and are hindering my work as well.

Lauri: Many prescription medications affect REM sleep, causing you to be in REM longer than normal and also causing your REM time to be more intense. That’s not to say that your dreams during this time should be dismissed as a side effect so I am glad you are seeking out their meaning.

The murderer in your dream is most likely your depression. It hunts you down daily and is killing off who you really are. He also rapes you because rape in a dream is really about you feeling screwed over in real life. The depression has really f***ed with you, hasn’t it? He crushes the heads of baby animals because this is all going on in your head. It’s crushing the joy out of your life.

The other woman most likely represents you not feeling like yourself. You are a different woman than you used to be and the sex symbolizes that you are merging with this unfamiliar person: the depressed you.

Don’t let these dreams cause a vicious cycle within you. Understanding them will certainly take the fear out of them. In addition, it may take a little time for the meds to kick in. If the dreams don’t change and they are still freaking you out, then by all means, ask your doctor to change the medication. Let us know how things work out for you!

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.