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| UK version of The Big Bang |
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A shorter version of this article appeared in New York Magazine New York vs. London: Where's the Sex Better? Fashion trends now hop the pond faster than Concorde once did, but sexual mores are still taking the scenic route, with London lagging about three to four years behind New York, according to area sexperts. Which means that while leggings and skinny jeans are de rigueur, pubic topiary, sex diarists, and speed dating are just hitting their stride, and monogamy is still the default setting for relationships, rather than something to be negotiated. "Londoners hate to have that 'let's be exclusive' chat, it's not seen as a cool thing to do," says Sarah Hedley, editor of women's sex mag Scarlet. Instead, exclusivity is just assumed from shag one. The other outcome of this cultural jet lag? You can't talk to a Londoner about sex without talking about Sex & the City. And having promoted multiple sex books over there, we've talked to a lot of Londonders about sex (it's easier than they'd like you to think). Remember those "I'm a Charlotte" tees?* Well, it turns out that, though London is now teeming with its own sexperts, the city still considers itself to be a bit of a Carrie. "She was probably the most British of the girls when it came to sex," says Flic Everett, former sex columnist for The Daily Mirror, author of the books Sex Tips For Girls and How To Be A Sex Goddess, and proprietor of the vintage clothes and advice site Rags-to-Bitches.co.uk. "A bit of an idiot, choosing the wrong men, nothing too un-vanilla, but happy to experiment a bit, within her comfort zone. Very London!" Note the phrase "a bit of an idiot": Londoners take special pride in being bad in bed. (They also like to drink each other under the table when they're "on the pull," which may or may not be related.) Whether this will still be the case three to four years from now remains to be seen, though locals claim it's congenital. "Being sexually inadequate is as British as tea and crumpets," says Working Stiff memoirist (and British expat here in New York) Grant Stoddard. But they like it like that, thank you very much. "The Hugh Grant stereotype does have some truth: British men are more bumbling in bed," says Emma Gold, sex columnist for the Independent on Sunday and author of two Sex & the City-esque novels, Easy and Hard. "But this makes them more appealing, because bullshit is less acceptable in London. Whereas in New York, one always presents the best possible image of oneself, even if it's not entirely accurate." Emily Dubberley, author of nine sex books (most recently, Sex for Busy People, natch) and founder of Cliterati.co.uk, agrees: "New York events such as CAKE parties are as much about appearing to be sexual as actually being sexual." Adds Damian Barr, London Times journalist, author of Get It Together: Surviving Your Quarterlife Crisis, and regular pond-crosser, "Manhattanites think they're more up for it than they actually are." The prevailing view is that New Yorkers are altogether too serious about sex (which might explain why Londoners had "shag buddies" years before New Yorkers were booty calling). And the kinks that dominate the press over there are the ones most likely to elicit a giggle — like dogging. "If you're in a car park flashing your lights to attract someone, you've got to have a sense of humor," says sex and relationships journalist Bibi Lynch. But we're not talking Maxim-funny here. "We'd rather laugh at the awkwardness of sex," says Everett. "Like Bridget Jones's big knickers." Don't let the aw-shucks attitude fool you, though: With a plethora of national newspapers (read: acres of soft news space to fill every week), these sexperts get to be far naughtier in print than their Stateside counterparts. And the more intellectual the publication, the dirtier the sex column. "Posh can get away with more," says Lynch. That said, posh does have its limits. Take Sebastian Horsley: He was famously fired from the U.K. Observer last year after his Easter Sunday advice column on anal sex ruffled a few too many readers' feathers (sample line: "While I have buggered women and been buggered by them; been buggered by men and buggered them — I haven't really experimented"). But he's not too bothered: His highly anticipated memoir, Dandy in the Underworld, is due out this September. "I like the guilt, the repression, and the tension of Britain," he says. "Societies that groan under the tedium of convention erupt in caprice." Which might explain why, four and a half years after the opening of New York's Museum of Sex — which has worked harder than Tara Reid to be taken seriously — London is celebrating the launch of the decidedly unstuffy Amora, "the world's first visitor attraction dedicated to giving you a deep understanding of love, sex, and relationships." In other words, an X-rated Epcot Center. Now that's the kind of Disneyfication that New Yorkers could get behind. * We know, we've tried to forget them, too. A shorter version of this article appeared in New York Magazine |
©2007 Emma Taylor & Lorelei Sharkey