A new book called Hard to Get says young independent successful women need more guidance about sex than their elders did, thanks to so many conflicting messages. One Jezebel article kinda proves that point by questioning why so many women willingly engage in orgasm-free casual sex.
Jumping on the “sex is ruined” bandwagon is this Atlantic article about online dating being the end of monogamy, since it offers an endless supply of dates and sex. Hogwash, says this response in the same mag: “online dating is, in fact, irresistible.”
What’s really the problem? Porn. (Bet you guessed that was coming, as it were.) One unscientific survey by Cosmo of sex therapists and experts revealed that porn-problems abound: performance anxiety, low self-esteem, body image insecurities, addiction, the list depressingly goes on and on. One study on porn had to be trashed because they couldn’t find any male subjects who’d never seen porn!
On the brighter side, there was this argument this week for how porn can be a catalyst for spiritual growth. Aw. And you can also now pre-order the book, Making Peace with Porn (i.e. if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em). And finally, the founder of Kink.com defended his company on HuffPo (and promoted the James Franco documentary about his biz called “Kink,” premiering at this year’s Sundance Film Festival – see trailer below).
For more on all things kink, buy our new book 150 Shades of Play, our how-to companion piece to the popular Fifty Shades trilogy!
Kink at Sundance and I missed it. What a shame. next time I geuess.
Online dating has changed nothing. I remember the earliest days of online dating (thanks, Em and Lo, for authoring the Nerve profile page that brought me such romantic success! Now you know why I’ve always loved you.). At the time, yes, online dating threw the equilibrium of the sex world way off. A regular guy like me could get laid like crazy just by throwing up an online profile. That’s because online dating was new territory, it was considered weird, and anyone participating in it was a bit of an adventurous type. It was new territory, and that was exciting.
Fast forward 11-12 years, when everyone and their cougar mom has online dated, and the equilibrium has been restored. It is women who have all the choice online, even more so than IRL. Nice guys, schmoes, and less-than-hot dudes have even less success online than they do IRL because they’re competing not only with the men in any given environment, but with their entire city. Womens’ inboxes overflow with hundreds or even thousands of suitors. Guys who might have a shot IRL thanks to their personalities get immediately overlooked because their pictures aren’t as appealing as the next guy’s.
The bottom line is that the guys who have endless opportunities online are the same guys who do very, very well for themselves IRL. Average guys? Shit out of luck.