There are two kinds of threesomes, and don’t you dare get them confused.
There’s “the good kind,” an FMF threesome, and there’s a “Devil’s Threesome” AKA a MFM threesome.
MFM is the one guys are worried their girl really means when she says, “Sure, I’d be up for a threesome sometime.”
(Please note: I’m not distinguishing between MFM and MMF, though those are very different animals — and, of course, I am totally ignoring FFF and MMM. Broad strokes here, people.)
It is the embodiment of so many double-standards in modern American sexual dynamics: two women kissing/touching is a hot kink, whereas guys even looking at each other during a sex act is gross. It’s not cheating or threatening if it’s a girl with a girl, but it becomes both if there’s an extra guy in the picture.
These double standards aren’t just perpetuated by men.
Women who are interested in trying homosexual sex are often far more accepted — not just by their partners, but by their friends and by the community at large, than are bi-curious guys.
My own very rigorous and scientific research (read: asking my female friends in and out of the community) found that a surprising number of very open, kinky, liberated, even non-monogamous women would be deeply uncomfortable with their male partners engaging in even seemingly low-level activities like kissing and sexually touching another man.
Women appear far less comfortable with male homosexuality, even when it involves men who are not their partner, than they are with female homosexuality, even if they aren’t themselves bi.
I’m not going to dive into the complicated gender politics at play here, but suffice it to say that for many, if not most, couples, even very sexually “advanced” people in this community, play involving an extra woman is way less fraught than play with an extra man.
I speak from experience when I say that, while I prefer FMF threesomes, MFM threesomes are also a lot of fun.
I don’t have a bisexual or bi-curious streak, and I don’t play with the other guy — though there is, as an NFL ref would call it, “incidental contact.”
The presence of another guy opens up interesting positioning opportunities, and allows the woman to experience multiple kinds of pleasure at once.
And, at minimum, even if you don’t have a compersive streak, as I put it to a vanilla friend recently, “You like porn, right? Well, if nothing else, this is like watching porn and fucking at the same time.”
One of the things I tried to make myself more comfortable (and hopefully compersive) about my woman — whom I will refer to here as SexyThing — being with another guy was to watch a lot of MFM porn.
It wasn’t something I’d ever really enjoyed before, but I surprised myself and actually grew to like it. I think the thing that really got me most was the sounds the woman would make. There’s a “sharing” element to my exhibitionism, and I found that to be satisfied with MFM threesomes.
Despite not being aroused in a bisexual sense, watching the guy who SexyThing was taking care of and seeing how good a job she was doing was very erotic. Again, it’s not something I would have predicted. When I go to play parties, I’m rarely looking at the guys. But in this case, it did it for me. Had I been closed-off from the “Devil’s Threesome” concept, I never would have discovered or experienced that.
We started slow, with mostly kissing and fondling from the other guy, before we moved up from there. One of her big concerns was logistical. Giving good head is hard enough, she said, but doing that “while I’m also getting fucked sounds like some expert level shit.” She proved to be quite the expert in the end, but it shows just the sort of disconnect between porn and real sex that you have to be aware of before you try something new.
One thing we might have experimented with to increase our comfort level before trying our own MFM was for me to be the third with another couple. That would have taken the pressure off, at least in terms of questions like:
- “What’s it going to feel like for me to not only be around sex acts involving other guys, but for that to be something I’m paying close attention, as well as physically close to?”
- “What’s it going to be like to touch or make eye contact with another guy during sex?”
I know a guy who is very interested in the swinger community, but doesn’t want other men to see him naked or vice versa. I’m not sure how he survives at the gym, but maybe he’s just really good at changing under a towel and keeping his eyes on the floor. Regardless, MFM is clearly not for him, no matter what spin we put on it.
But for any men who are interested in a threesome, MFM may be something to keep in mind. It can be a fun way to experiment with new positions, involve new partners, and allow a straight woman to double her fun, if you will.
So have some sympathy for the Devil.
Don’t ignore half of what threesomes have to offer. Experiment, maybe with porn or with fantasy, and see if the idea is actually something that turns you on. It doesn’t have to be your ideal sexual encounter (mine is having my own harem, for the record), but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be fun.
Hell, maybe you should even add it to your “Fucket” List.