Our New Wise Guys Advise Women on How to Ask Men Out (Part 2 of 2)

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A few new men have joined the ranks of our Wise Guys! They’ve all answered the following question: “What’s the best way for a woman to ask a guy out?” Half of them gave their answers last week; meet the rest of them below:

Single Bisexual Guy (Jack):The best answer to this question is that there is almost no *wrong* way. Men are fairly easy when it comes to dating, and they are just as insecure about acceptance as women are. Be confident, casual, and direct. Have something in mind to do and ask him to join you. And unless you know he enjoys opera, try and choose something safe and interesting to both of you. Dinner and movie are always nice standbys, but it includes 2 hours of no talking – so I suggest something like mini-golf. It’s fun, it’s playful, and it’s even sort of sporty, with lots of opportunities to talk, flirt, and show off your butt when you’re putting. 🙂

Married Straight Guy (Jake): There are myriad creative ways for a girl to ask a guy out, but I’m more of a big picture kind of a guy that would use this question to consider what a guy needs/wants and how those things would influence his answer. Guys like sex, evocative situations and stimulation. My wife actually did ask me out first back when we started making eyes at each other—she called me at 3 o’clock in the morning and asked me to go on a walk in the middle of the night. I was so intrigued I couldn’t say no. The best way for a woman to ask a guy out is to light up those three interests I mentioned, and to be ready for whatever answer he gives. The pain of a hundred “no’s” is worth one sweet, golden “yes.”

Single Straight Guy (Scott): I would love for a woman to approach me, whisper a compliment in my ear while slipping her number into my hand, and then leave me with a wink or a kiss on the cheek. I will definitely call her the next day! In any case, be direct. We’re guys… not many of us are paying attention for hints or clues so you’re better safe than sorry. With that said, flirt a little and create a sense of seduction, but at the end of the engagement let him know what you want.

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): If it’s someone you know, say “Hey, let’s go get a drink after work.” Try to go to a bar that’s not too crowded or noisy. Even if it’s someone you don’t know, but you’re at that kind of bar and are interested, then position yourself next to him — do not sit across from him at a table. While you’re next to him, start telling him a story — doesn’t matter what it’s about. While you’re telling the story, put your hand on his thigh or shoulder. Keep telling the story but notice his reaction: does he lean into you, move toward you? If so, then he’s interested and you can ask him out with reasonable assurance he will say yes. If he turns away or tenses up then sorry, he’s just not that into you. There’s nothing wrong with getting shot down, but there is something wrong with not even trying.

Single Straight Guy (Nick): It used to be that women seldom, if ever, asked a guy out. Used to be. In recent years, happily, it’s become more common and more acceptable. I personally have only been asked out by a girl once: I was incredibly flattered, to put it lightly. My best advice is just to go up to your quarry and let them know how you feel. Guys aren’t always good on subtlety so be straight forward and to the point. It’s very likely he’s been considering asking you out (and if he hasn’t, it’s probably because he didn’t think he had a chance). And here’s something else to encourage you: guys are always more interested in someone when they know that someone is attracted to them, so even if he hadn’t thought about you in that way before, asking him out will automatically spark his interest in you.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Single Bisexual Guy is Jack, a software consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona who blogs at Facets of Our Lives; our Married Straight Guys are Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks, and Ben D., an ex professional fighter who lives in Illinois; and our Single Straight Guys are Scott Phrenetik, a Dallas-based DJ, and Nick German, a network technician based in Minnesota. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


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