Rush Limbaugh is the master of the non-apology (remember his wishy-washy apologies to Michael J. Fox and Chelsea Clinton, amongst others?). And his way-too-late-to-even-count apology to Georgetown Law student Sandra Fluke is no exception. Let us count the ways that his apology does not count:

• He’s only apologizing now because he’s lost seven major advertisers for his show and he’s been threatened with a libel suit. If he’s truly sorry about anything, it’s seeing money walk away.
• He claims that his comments were an “attempt to be humorous.” In other words, if only we all had a better sense of humor, we wouldn’t have got so upset.
• In his statement he doesn’t say that he was wrong to attack Sandra Fluke — he merely says that he “chose the wrong words” in his “analogy of the situation.” In other words, he totally meant what he said and if we weren’t such politically correct watch-dogs we wouldn’t have got upset.
• In his “apology” statement, there is a one-sentence luke-warm apology (“I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.”), and then a paragraph-long defense of why he’s still right and why we shouldn’t be discussing “personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress.” As if Sandra Fluke was trying to tell us all about her booty call rules or something. In other words there is zero contrition here — he doesn’t even attempt to fake contrition!
• Ultimately, he is apologizing for the fact that people took offense to what he said. He’s not sorry he said it, he’s just sorry we’re so riled up about it.

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