4/26/16
Should You Close Your Open Relationship?

Hello,

Before me and my boyfriend started dating, we agreed on being in an open relationship. As time went by, I have hooked up with some guys but he hasn’t because he thinks he is not the kind of guy that hooks up with random people. I totally respect his belief. He doesn’t like the feeling when I sleep with other guys. Recently he suggested breaking up with me even though we both don’t want to do so. We really like each other. What should I do?

— An Open Or Close Case

Dear AOOCC,

Sounds like you’ve done everything right and the world’s still bitten you where you sit down. It happens.  All too often. You’ve got three options:

  1. Close the relationship up again. Lots of relationships start closed and then open up and lots close after being open.  You’ll have to work hard convincing your boyfriend you really do love him so much that you want only him. (For heavens sake don’t say you’re doing it FOR him. Nobody loves a martyr. ) And if you find out you can’t be monogamous break it off cleanly.  Don’t cheat.  You’ll both feel like…excrement.  But if you can make it work the knowledge you’ve deliberately chosen each other should leave you glowing.
  2. If you can’t promise monogamy you can try to dial back to being friends and see what happens.  You or he may discover the relationship is too important to leave.  Or he may just get lucky and then decide open is fine.  Lots of men are unpleasantly surprised at how one sided being open is and he may just envy you your successes.
  3. Or just break it off honestly while you still like each other. Sometimes there’s no going back from a decision.

Only you can choose which of these matches your emotions. I personally think that love conquers….well, a lot if not all and would vote for option 1. But of course it’s up to you.  

Good luck, 

Alan

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3 Comments on "Should You Close Your Open Relationship?"

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Bella

I totally agree–if you want things to be monogamous, you can’t keep things the way they are. You can fight to stay in the relationship but if he’s not interested, then it’s not worth it.

bklynbug

I totally agree with Alan in his analysis of options, but she says they really like each other – not that they love each other. I see no reason for her to close off an important(?) part of her sexuality for “really like”. If it’s love, you can (hopefully) make it work (sadly, love does not conquer all, but it’s totally worth trying). If it’s “really like”, dude needs to man up to his agreement or walk.

lost_in_translation
Yeah…if he suggested breaking up he may want to even he follows it up with “but I don’t want to”. Do you have feelings enough for him to give up the freedom to go out and enjoy the rest of the buffet? If not, cut him loose before you both start to resent each other. I doubt dialing it back to friendship will make him feel better and looks like he’s just being kept around for your amusement. Just break up and give him the choice to move on. He’ll thank you for that later. If he comes back as… Read more »
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