10/14/16
Strap-Ons Are the Great Gender Equalizer

Discussions on pegging usually go in one of two directions: 1) Straight into the ugly past where men who enjoy anal play automatically means they’re either girly or gay [sic], OR 2) towards thoughtful discussions about the nuances of sex and the politics of gender. We obviously prefer to highlight the latter, so today we give you Jon’s recent comment on the topic:

When my girlfriend first mentioned doing me [with a strap-on], my response was “ No,” but her argument was “You’ve done it to me.” Can’t really argue with that logic! 

Still took a while for me to get comfortable with the idea. For my first time, there was a big feeling of being vulnerable being on hands and knees waiting to get it. But as she said, “Exactly the same as for a woman getting it doggy style,” so it was only “fair” for me to feel the same. It’s the sense of getting it rather than giving it that feels totally different for a man. But getting it that way certainly helps men understand how a woman feels.

Maybe if a woman wants to persuade her guy to try this, another position might be easier for his first time. We’ve tried with me on my back since she likes looking at me while she does me. Still feels vulnerable but not as much as getting on your hands and knees.

Read the post that started all this:
“Confession: I Want to Do My Boyfriend with a Strap-On”

9 Comments

  1. I must admit that the thought of my wife using a strap on on me is pretty fucking exciting! I don’t have a problem taking the sub role in bed for her. As long as I get to come, what does it really matter? She gets on top most of the time anyway… and it’s cool because I love her….and titties in your face are the greatest thing ever! I learned in my twenties that my butt and my manhood don’t depend upon one another. I’ve had it fingered, licked, spanked, and plugged… and I still think vagina is Gods gift to the world. Bottom line (pun intended), if she wants it, it’s hers. No questions asked.

  2. My boyfriend was really shy at first, whenever I brought up strap ons he’d change the subject! We are only in our twenties and I wanted to explore and find out what he likes best as well as myself. I know very well that a submissive guy is a pretty sight in my eyes. I purchased a red laced strap on and hid it in my wardrobe.

    The following day I asked him again but he tried to change the subject, I pressed in though. I was shocked to hear that he was scared of becoming gay and to be honest I just laughed at him like an asshole. He finally agreed to let me use the strap on.

    At first I just fingered him and he HATED it. But after a bit I managed to find his g spot and that’s were I aimed when I put the strap on, on. He actually really enjoyed it. From the day we do strap in sex at least once a week and he’s still straight as a pole. Some may argue that sensitive butts get in the way of proper sex but I don’t think that’s true. Sensitive butts let the males feel g spot orgasm as well.

  3. This is interesting but it’s also a little skeptical. I think it’s cool that some men are interesting in trying new things and exploring their sexualities a little further but I think I would be a little turn off if my partner wanted me to try a strap on.

  4. First tried strapon sex with a girlfriend in my late 20’s. She was of the “to truly understand a woman, you need to…” school of thought. I didn’t love it, but ticked it off on the ‘bucket list’. Several years (and 2 kids) later, my wife and I were drunkenly oversharing one night, and I told her about this experience. Many conversations and weeks later, we tried it. First time was uncomfortable, but we tried it again, and you know what… it was really great. Newsflash guys — there’s a power-dynamic to sex, and you don’t really understand it until you’ve experienced the feeling of someone else literally invading your body. And ladies — you get to see how it is from the other side as well!

    This isn’t something we do a lot (because there’s a LOT of prep work and clean-up for one thing!) but it has opened up a lot of discussion between us. We both understand one another much better thanks to a large piece of phalate free silicon and a series of webbing and buckles.

  5. Is it just me or is the argument based on the assumption that vaginal and anal sex are interchangeable and perhaps indistinguishable? If so then times have certainly changed since… oh, maybe five or six years ago.

    I’m a big fan of the maxim that “if anyone gets it in the end everyone gets it in the end” for hetero anal sex so I’ve got no problem with pegging in general.

    I’m just surprised that receptive anal intercourse has become so normalized and routine that it’s now seen as no different from receptive vaginal intercourse.

    1. We don’t think the argument is that vaginal intercourse and anal sex are indistinguishable, but that 1) there should be no difference between a woman receiving anal probing and a man receiving anal probing (i.e. what’s good for the goose is good for the gander), and 2) being on the receiving end of anal play might make straight guys a little more empathetic toward women when it comes to penetrating them vaginally or anally.

      1. This comment is pressuming, of course, that men don’t ALREADY KNOW or at least aren’t empathetic enough to understand on some level what their woman is feeling? PErsonally, i find anything done between a loving couple or eanest fuck buddies is all gravy. I’m somewhat less enthusiastic of the idea of a “gender equalizer” based around sex. Let’s be real; due to our physical differences, there simply ARE elements distinct to a man and a woman. This often goes on to include emotions and thoughts…and there’s absolutely NOTHING WRONG with that. Biologically, females are designed to be the more “Receptive” partner, simply because of how our sexual organs are. On the flip side, be it through dominace play, role playing, BDSM, sexual trance, surrender, whatever, one can easily be the “receiving” partner by turning over trust to their other; “Sexual “invasion” doesn’t necessarily have to mean sticking something into an orifice of the body.
        So the argument that “you done it to me” really doesn;t hold much weight, simply because we’re designed differently; it’s not quite the same tack as ting someone down or engaging in orgasm denial.

        I’m a straight guy, and my Primary Lady has shared a desire to do Backyard play with me. It’s not something we regularly engage in with other partners, but again, due to our intimacy, it’s something we try. As of yet, I haven’t felt any pleasurable sensations—-no pain, as we’re careful, but nothing that would make me want to do deep penetration. Analingus is about the only thing we both find mutually enjoyable, both giving and taking. She LOVES anal play with her though, even more than vaginal fingering, which for me is a big pleasure. Thing is, while I’m cool with her finger up there, my ersonal comfort doesn’t at this point extend to pegging. I just have no interest in it, and it feels off to me, as a concept because (a) I’m getting no pelasure from it, and (b) prostate notwithstanding, my body wasn;t desgined to engage that way most naturally. Its not a matter of questioning one’s masculinity; it’s simply a taste, like how I love chocolate and hate okra. My gay friends explained it well in the fact that some guys like taking [Bottoms], some like giving [Tops] and some go either way [Verse]. Even they couldn’t explain what nudged one in one direction or the other; it’s a natural inclination.

        Now, I personally believe any man ho has attempted to be a good lover or at least fuck buddy, has already put himself in the headspace of his partner to a degree; the female form is incredible, but its not made to just be pounded without regard, afterall. And that sense of “vulnerability” can be accomplished by other means, let alone just penetration. I DEFINITELY think if any guy has felt a woman’s pain after a sexual assault, be it a family member or partner, they can develop a different sense of the Power Dynamic of sex. So you don;t need to change up the gender roles to do that; it’s not just in those roles where the power in sex comes from, after all. And in some case,s really GOOD sex happens where the “power” is shifted between both parties; i mean, I can only speak for myself, but I tend to have the most fun where I’m on Top sometimes, and then my Lady is,….literally and figuratively speaking. 😉

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