By Rebecca Jane Stokes for YourTango

When you first meet someone, start dating, and fall in love, sex is a normal part of the dating equation.

The first few months I was with my boyfriend I think I had a hard time finishing sentences because I had to stop everything I was doing and so we could have sex as often as possible.

Priorities, man.

It’s normal. But what’s even more normal is for the amount of sex you have in a relationship to change over time.

For the most part, sex ebbs and flows in relationships. There will be times you’re doing it like bunnies, and then there will be dry spells for vast array of reasons.

But studies show that couples in long term relationships chief complaint is a lack of sexual desire and a lack of sex, period. 

A new study has indicated that there’s a fix for this heartbreaking problem, and it sounds so easy that at first I thought it was a joke:

If you want your partner to be responsive in the bedroom, engage with them and be responsive OUTSIDE of the bedroom.

In other words, be nice to each other. It’s been officially decreed by science that being decent to one another will keep your sex life hot.

You’re welcome.

Joking aside, while it sounds super easy, really think about it. Think about all those little things that make up a long term relationship. You get comfortable. You settle into a routine. This doesn’t mean you’re suddenly mean to each other, but daily life is a grind and it can get us into a rut.

To bust out of it, you sometimes have to stop what you’re doing and look at your partner like you haven’t watched them poop before.

When you see the person in your life as someone brand new, exciting, and full of secrets to unwrap like delicious chocolates, you get excited about them all over again.

Is it any wonder that this excitement would lead to hot sex in the bedroom?

I’m not saying you have to fantasize about your partner being a sexy businessman in from out of town (unless that floats your boat). I’m saying that instead of the usual “How was your day?” ask them something different, something crazy and strange, something thoughtful.

• “What movie character would you HATE to be?”
• “What’s the last thing that made you cry?”
• “Which is weirder, talking dogs or cats walking on two legs?”

Read: 20 Questions to Shake Up Your Long-Term Relationship in a Good Way

These questions sound absurd and funny BECA– USE THEY ARE. But asking questions like this, breaking the routine, is the equivalent of saying to your partner “there’s still so much about you I don’t know, there’s still so much I’m fascinated by, so much that thrills me.” It’s more than remembering to be nice, it’s remembering that you are both people with vibrant inner lives to share!

There’s nothing sexier than that.

This article was originally published on YourTango: The #1 Secret To Super HOT Relationship Sex (Based On New Research)

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