The 7 Stages of Buying a Sex Toy

If you’re new to the world of erotica shops, it can be fairly intimidating buying a sex toy. But don’t worry: you’re not alone. Even seasoned shoppers experience these various emotions to some extent or another when making their next investment in their own personal pleasure. Don’t be daunted!

 

1. DENIAL

When you’re not quite sure what a toy even is:

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Butt plug or vaginal weights? Is there even really a difference? Who knew buying a sex toy would be this confusing?

 

2. SHOCK

When a certain toy scares you:

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It might not be your cup of tea (or your kind of extra-large green studded dildo), but it’s going to make someone else very happy. Don’t yuck their yum.

 

3. GUILT

When you can’t figure out how to turn a toy off:

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You keep pushing the buttons, but nothing happens. In fact, it seems to be getting louder and faster. People start staring. Your hand starts going numb. Take cover: it’s about to blow!

 

4. PAIN

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It looked so pretty behind that glass case, but maybe you aren’t quite ready for that kind of commitment.

 

5. BARGAINING

When you finally find one that’s right for you and then go find it cheaper online:

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This is how our Amazon overlords will finally gain total control. (Support your local neighborhood sex shops!)

 

6.  WORKING THROUGH

When you finally close the deal:

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You’ve researched, price compared, chosen the perfect model, picked out the perfect color, and are finally bringing your new baby home.

 

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

When you realize not every toy is a winner:

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After all that, you find out your new toy satisfies you about as well as your first high school boyfriend, the one who didn’t understand that a woman actually has three orifices down there. Still, you remain hopeful: Next time you’ll find The One.

 

— By Miranda Levy, a major in Women, Gender & Sexuality Studies at Elon University where she pens a sex column for its student-run lifestyle magazine, The Edge

 

HOW to buy:
7 Key Rules for Buying a Quality Sex Toy

WHAT to buy:
Top 10 Toys Every Straight Girl Should Have

 

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