The Mod Carosel parody was pretty good, but a little too thin on the politics for our radical feminist tastes. Enter “Defined Lines,” the parody made by some University of Aukland law students for its Law Revue show last week. With its decent production values and pointed yet hilarious feminist message, it’s the Blurred Lines parody to end all Blurred Lines parodies. It even features a cameo by the purple Ina 2 vibe made by our beloved LELO! The video actually got taken down by YouTube for a few hours because, you know, double standards. But apparently the pushback was enough to get it back up. In case you miss them in the vid, the genius lyrics are below:
DEFINED LINES
Every bigot shut up (x 2)
Hey hey hey (x 3)
Boy you’d better quit all your sexist ways
So hear our manifesto of the modern age.
It’s time to undermine
The masculine confines
Coz we don’t wanna grind,
Gri-ii-iind.
You think that you’re so slick,
Let me emasculate ya!
Because your precious dick
Can’t beat my vibrator.
We’re feelin’ the frustration
From all the exploitation.
Prepare for your castration.
(Chorus)
So we can fuck this man’s world,
With all its bullshit,
Girls don’t deserve it.
We ain’t good girls:
We are scholastic,
Smart and sarcastic,
Not fucking plastic.
Listen mankind!
If you wanna get nasty,
Just don’t harass me:
You can’t just grab me.
That’s a sex crime!
Yeah we don’t want it –
It’s chauvinistic.
You’re such a bigot!
What you see on tv
Doesn’t speak equality,
It’s straight up misogyny.
Don’t want you to come on my face!
You think you’re hunky (hey hey hey)
You wanna hug me (hey hey hey)
Don’t you mean fuck me?
One thing I ask of you:
Don’t assume that we all just wanna screw.
Gotta respect me for me to be your boo.
We don’t want no scrubs, no we don’t approve.
Need a universal role reversal,
In real life not a dress rehearsal.
Gotta resist all the gender roles,
Time to put misogyny on parole,
Put exploitation on probation,
Time for you to witness our liberation!
There’s more to life than penetration,
And sexual discrimination.
So tonight we ignite our civil rights,
Resist chauvinism,
Win the fight,
Coz you’re livin large just like a montage
Of you and your friends actin’ out Entourage.
But we ain’t whores to do your household chores,
To make you a sandwich when we’re on all fours.
From history to herstory.
Know you got some opinions that we don’t agree.
Need to call my sister Joan of A-R-C,
Bake a feminist cake, Antoinette Marie.
Yeah, guys, we got spies,
Know all you wanna do is fertilise,
But avert your eyes from my thighs,
Never tell a bitch that she gotta drop a size.
You wanna box gap? Show me your six pack.
Wanna landing strip? You’d better get ripped.
I apologise if you think my lines are crass,
Tell me how it feels to get verbally harassed.
(Chorus)
So we can fuck this man’s world,
With all its bullshit,
Girls don’t deserve it.
We ain’t good girls:
We are scholastic,
Smart and sarcastic,
Not fucking plastic.
Listen mankind!
If you wanna get nasty,
Just don’t harass me:
You can’t just grab me.
That’s a sex crime!
Yeah we don’t want it –
It’s chauvinistic.
You’re such a bigot!
