9/26/12
Top 10 Haikus About Self-Love (A Contest!)

***THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED***

We guess we should really title this post “Top 10 Haikus About Self Love That Em and Lo Just Came Up With.” We figured it’s a Friday, so what better time to celebrate the wonders of onanism!  In honor of this joyous occasion, we’d like to give away one INA 2 (LELO’s new and improved rabbit now with 100% more power) to the writer who can school us in a hot haiku-off! Submit your entries (as many as you like) either in the comments below or via our Contact Form (select “Contest Entry” in the drop-down menu) by EOD Monday, Oct 1st, making sure to include an email address so we can reach you if you win. We’ll pick the best 10 as determined by us, with one crowned champion (and the proud recipient of a brand new INA 2). Ladies & gentlemen, start your syllables!

1.
Quiet night alone…
A Rabbit jumps in my pond,
splash! Silence again.

2.
Need understanding?
Nobody knows you better
Than your own right hand.

3.
On the sea of love
The little man in the boat
Takes orders from me.

4.
Spanking the monkey
And choking the chicken are
PETA approved acts

5.
A rough day at work?
Lock your office door for five.
Better than Kit Kats.

6.
Broke up with my boyf
Breaking Bad is a rerun
Break out the “Pink-Man”

7.
Self love is freedom:
STD-free, duty-free
Fat-free, douchebag-free.

8.
Kellogg made Corn Flakes
Bland, boring and flavorless
To curb mass wanking.

9.
Why lose the sweatpants?
Ms. Palm and her five sisters
Don’t care how you look.

10.
Hairy palms, blindness,
Insanity and cancer —
The risks are worth it.

 

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27 Comments

  1. Choke the chicken, wank
    Flick the bean, spank the monkey
    Oh, I love self love!

    Long term, long distance
    Words and Ina get me off
    Sext me while I play

    Bunny Foo Foo bops
    All the field mice on the head
    Please, my clit, instead?

    As the rabbit hops,
    And as my orgasm pops,
    Vibration: Non stop.

    When a person is
    Their own best friend and lover
    Fireworks explode!

    It’s a special night
    Candlelight and lingerie
    It’s all just for me.

    Bald man in a boat
    I paddle past thick black weeds
    Just to pat his head

  2. Watching the TV
    Anderson Cooper’s soft hands
    My moist kleenex

    Good god I’m so bored
    If I do the bad thing again
    There Will Be Blood

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