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We’ve taken this year’s Top 10 Tax Time Tips from the IRS and tweaked them for your dating life (the original document is at the bottom of this post). Because sex is valuable, and money is pretty sexy.  Plus, the IRS likes to refer to itself in the third person, just like we do!

• Gather your records.  Collect all the evidence from your previous relationships. This includes photos, love letters, and sex toys. Store them in a safe place, one that any new partners will never, ever find.
• Report your health status.  You will need to report your sexual health status from all of your previous relationships when you start a new relationship. This includes the results from the last time you got checked for STIs, if ever. Remember, April isn’t only tax time, it’s National STI Awareness Month.
• Get answers.  Use your best communication tools to get answers from a new partner about income, future goals, sexual health, bathroom habits, and family baggage.
• Weigh your dating options.  You have several options for dating. You can venture out on your own or get professional help from an online dating site or a matchmaker. You may be eligible for free, face-to-face help from friends you respect who have a good dating record and won’t blow smoke up your ass. Weigh your options and choose the ones that work best for you.
• Consider online dating (seriously).  Electronic dating is one of the best ways to meet someone new. It’s quick, easy and relatively safe (if you’re smart about the way you use the system). Last year, more than 5 million people used online personals. If you own a computer, you have the option of avoiding the dating scene in depressing, overcrowded sports bars.
• Use Em & Lo’s Private Advice Service.  You can have your online dating profile maximized for a small fee using our Private Advice Service, available exclusively on EMandLO.com. If you’re unsure about the quality of your personal or have trouble expressing yourself in words, you qualify to get our best, most honest advice. If you’re comfortable airing your dirty laundry, you can submit a draft of your online personal ad — or any love-related advice question you might have — to our public forum, where we may answer it online or ask our readers to give their own suggestions in a column called “Your Call.” Visit EMandLO.com to check all your options.
• Be direct.  Combining honesty with straightforwardness is the fastest and safest way to get a new compatible partner.
• Visit EMandLO.com 24/7.  Our site is a great place to get everything you need for a satisfying love and sex life. Visit “Advice” for how to’s, tips on technique, answers to frequently asked sex questions, and contact forms to submit your own questions. Get them all anytime, day or night.
• Check out “SEX“.  Our second to last book, “SEX: How to Do Everything“, is a complete sex resource. It contains helpful information such as whether you need find the G-spot and how to choose your favorite positions.
• Review your own merits as a partner.  Mistakes made by you slow down the receipt of true love. Be sure to check all your own shortcomings and psychological issues, as it takes two to tango. If you run into a problem, remember Em & Lo are here to help. Start with EMandLO.com.

Good luck with your taxes and your love life!

The above was inspired by the Top 10 Tax Time Tips from the IRS:

• Gather your records.  Collect all tax records you need to file your taxes. This includes receipts, canceled checks and records that support income, deductions or tax credits that you claim on your tax return. Store them in a safe place.
• Report all your income.  You will need to report your income from all of your Forms W-2, Wage and Tax Statements, and Form 1099 income statements when you file your tax return.
• Get answers.  Use the Interactive Tax Assistant tool on the IRS website to get answers to many of your questions about tax credits, deductions and many more topics.
• Use Free File.  You can prepare and e-file a tax return for free using IRS Free File, available exclusively on IRS.gov. If your income was $58,000 or less, you qualify to use free tax software. If your income was higher, or if you’re comfortable doing your own tax return, you can use Free File Fillable Forms, the electronic version of IRS paper forms. Visit IRS.gov/freefile to check your options.
• Try IRS e-file.  Electronic filing is the best way to file a tax return. It’s accurate, safe and easy. Last year, more than 122 million taxpayers used IRS e-file. If you owe taxes, you have the option to file early and pay by April 15.
• Weigh your filing options.  You have several options for filing your tax return. You can prepare it yourself or go to a tax preparer. You may be eligible for free, face-to-face help at a Volunteer Income Tax Assistance or Tax Counseling for the Elderly site. Weigh your options and choose the one that works best for you.
• Use direct deposit.  Combining e-file with direct deposit is the fastest and safest way to get your tax refund.
• Visit the IRS website 24/7.  IRS.gov is a great place to get everything you need to file your tax return. Visit ‘1040 Central’ for online tools, filing tips, answers to frequently asked questions and IRS forms and publications. Get them all anytime, day or night.
• Check out number 17.  IRS Publication 17, Your Federal Income Tax, is a complete tax resource. It contains helpful information such as whether you need to file a tax return and how to choose your filing status.
• Review your return.  Mistakes slow down the receipt of your tax refund. Be sure to check all Social Security numbers and math calculations on your return, as these are the most common errors. If you run into a problem, remember the IRS is here to help. Start with IRS.gov.