We recently published a top 10 list — only slightly tongue in cheek — of “sexy” Halloween costume ideas for men, in an attempt to balance out the playing field this October 31st. To highlight exactly why the world needs more Sexy John Boehner Crying and Sexy Walter White, here is a top 15 list of the worst “sexy” Halloween costumes for women. All of these costumes actually exist.
1. Sexy Deer
What’s sexier: Deer in headlights facing down an S.U.V. on the highway, or petrified deer about to be shot down by a hunter? Road kill is sooo hot.
2. Sexy Nemo
Come on, seriously? You’re Nemo?
3. Sexy Skunk
The worst part about skunk sex? The post-coital tomato sauce bath.
Mmmm, don’t you just love the smell of leftover Chinese takeout in the morning?
5. Sexy Waldo
We guess you could have fun with a “Where’s Waldo’s penis” treasure hunt…?
Really? You couldn’t just go as Bad Sandy?
It’s kind of like going as Sexy Hannah Montana.
7. Sexy Clown
Way to scare all of us, not just the children.
8. Sexy Mime
Ha ha ha ha ha. What? Sorry, we have no words.
9. Sexy Elmo
Hasn’t poor Elmo been through enough sexual trauma already?
10. Sexy R2D2
It’s just not fair to raise a poor nerd’s hopes like that.
11. Sexy Sock Monkey
It’s like you’re actually trying to make some pedophile’s day.
12. Sexy Crayon
If you’re so determined to be sexy that you’re going to sex up a Crayola costume, why would you stick a miniature traffic cone on your head? We just don’t get it.
13. Sexy Keg
Tap this keg, geddit? It’s like a date rape costume!
14. Sexy Garfield
We never thought we’d say this, but there’s a fine line between looking like Garfield the cat and looking like a Hooters waitress.
15. Sexy Bacon
Okay, now you’re just f*&#ing with us, right?