Celebrities playing strippers seems to be a sort of rite of passage, a self-inflicted casting couch: Lindsay Lohan, Kristen Stewart, Salma Hayak, Olivia Wilde, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Daryl Hannah, Heather Graham, Marisa Tomei, Julianne Hough, Diane Lane, Demi Moore, Elizabeth Berkley, Rose McGowan… we could go on. WTF? And to balance it out, you get the cast of The Full Monty plus Channing Tatum.
Maybe celebrities playing strippers are just the grown-up, well-paid version of college sorority girls who use Halloween as an excuse to dress like a “sexy cat” or “sexy nurse” or “sexy French maid” or “sexy stripper” (ha). Whatever it is, we’re over it.
But actually, you know what we’re more over than celebrities playing strippers on film? Celebrities talking about the crazy diets and work-outs they submitted themselves to in order to “prepare” for their role as a stripper. Because every real-life stripper totally spends hours a day in the gym with a personal trainer and hires a fancy personal chef to prepare kale a hundred different ways to trick her body into feeling satisfied.
The latest contender in this field is Jennifer Aniston, who plays a (yawn) stripper in the new comedy We’re the Millers. “I was on a very like, you know, greens and vegetables and lean proteins and kale,” Aniston said of her diet plan. “When I really wanted to have a cheat day,” she said, “I had to have a kale chip.”
Because that’s totally what strippers do to unwind after a hard day on the pole: Treat themselves to a kale chip. Not a bag of kale chips, mind you, but a single kale chip. In Hollywood, it’s only hard out there for a stripper because she’s so goddamned underfed.