5/22/09
What If the Wrong Name Is Said in Bed?

hand_mouthphoto by demi-brooke

If you happen to be thinking of one person while you are doing another, keep your verbiage to a minimum, in case you mistakenly call out the wrong name. If you inadvertently speak before you think, remain calm, carry on, pretend you didn’t even realize you spoke the misnomer, and pray to the gods above that your partner didn’t hear it.

If the gods are frowning upon you and your partner did hear a third missing party’s name, play “dumb,” but only if you can deliver a convincing performance. Either way, you must ultimately bend to your partner’s will with the utmost humility, explain it was simply a matter of misfiring synapses and a slip of the tongue, all the while figuratively (or literally, if they like) bestowing kisses to their posterior.

Should you be the recipient of such a dagger to the ear, it’s totally fine to be outraged and hurt. It’s also completely acceptable to put a halt to the rutting immediately. However, keep some perspective on the matter. It’s not like your partner actually cheated on you with this third party — though it is much more disturbing than if your lover had merely shared a platonic cup of coffee with said party. Behave accordingly.

For more on sexual etiquette, see our Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen.

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8 Comments on "What If the Wrong Name Is Said in Bed?"

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smalls
smalls
6 years 2 months ago
was in hawaii recently and was suppose to spend 2 weeks, 1 with my cousins and the other with my bf who was going to fly out. It turned out my bf cancelled his flight- one of the problems was that my cousin was flying out on the 4th of July and I was suppose to fly out July 5 with my bf, as is turns out, we met some cool locals who turned out to be true gentleman (Hawaii is I must say a very welcoming and loving state) after a few days of all of us hanging out… Read more »
inner vixen
inner vixen
6 years 9 months ago

It would definately be the end-of everything.That’s not something I could ever,ever excuse

bluecats
bluecats
6 years 9 months ago

That’s why the most personal I ever get is “baby …”

suni vajina
7 years 1 month ago

The truly odd part is, I was with my long-term GF at the time and the name that I used wasn’t the name of anyone I actually knew

searchingwithin
7 years 4 months ago

That certainly would be a mood killer, and thank goodness it has never happened to me during sex. I have done it during conversation however. Funny thing was, I hadn’t been thinking about the person, nor had I heard or seen them in many years. Makes you wonder where that comes from

Epiphany
Epiphany
7 years 4 months ago

This is why I have always avoided using any partner’s name in bed. “Oh God” seems to work just fine.

Slartibartfast
Slartibartfast
7 years 4 months ago
OK, this is one that I’ve actually experienced (much as it pains me to admit it). The truly odd part is, I was with my long-term GF at the time and the name that I used wasn’t the name of anyone I actually knew. Or was thinking about. Of course, my substitution of ‘Lisa’ for ‘Susan’ certainly raised a flag and, although I wouldn’t exactly say it was a “mood killer”, it very definitely hit the ‘Pause’ button. Eventually, though, the incident came to be seen as kind of funny and I had to attribute it to me having a… Read more »
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