5/19/11
Who Will Love Your Pets When You’ve Been Lifted Up to Heaven?

photo via Flickr

As we’re sure you know, the Rapture is this Saturday, May 21st, 2011. You know, the day when good Christians like yourself (we’re assuming) who’ve accepted Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior will be physically lifted up to Heaven. All your atheist, Muslim, Jewish and pagan friends will be left behind to fend for themselves as the world slowly comes to an end. But what about your innocent pets, you ask. Who will take care of them when you’re gone? Never fear. There are several services available that will — for a modest fee — assign your pet to be picked up and cared for by one of their many reliable, pet-loving atheists. No joke! There’s Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA which will cost you $135 for the service. For those on a budget, After The Rapture Pet Care will do the same for the one-time fee of only 10 bucks. Hmmm, quality verses affordability? It’s a tough call — one you’ll have to make soon, since the end is nigh! Hurry, because the Bible doesn’t say jack about Fido.

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2 Comments on "Who Will Love Your Pets When You’ve Been Lifted Up to Heaven?"

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figleaf
5 years 3 months ago

And just for the record, last year yet another site was offering the following post-rapture dog-sitting guarantee.

“Note that this service, unlike the other, vows not to have sex with your pets.”

For the record they also promise they won’t eat your pet. Oh, and that your pet will be safe with them because they also vow that they aren’t and never have been born again.

Sigh.

Find the links here.

figleaf

Johnny
Johnny
5 years 3 months ago
Have these people listened to nothing leading Apocalyptic prophet Brother Camping has taught? Pets will perish too, but unlike humans, whose souls will go to either heaven or hell, pets have no souls and will simply be annihilated. I used to listen to Harold Camping in the car. His broadcasts were entertaining. Although I’m completely irreligious, I found his Biblical interpretations highly interesting, even when I thought they were logically fallacious. Plus, his deep voice is very soothing in traffic. At least it was, until he got all Armageddon-y on me. He’s gone off the deep end. Anyway, here’s what… Read more »
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