Wise Guys – Can a Sexy Attitude Really Compensate for a So-So Body?

photo by pat hawks

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,”I know that often a sexy attitude is sexier than a great body, but I can’t help feeling self conscious all the same. I’m 20 years old and though the general silhouette of my body is good (enough to get whistles and even car honks directed at me, which I honestly find insulting), I don’t like my body. I hate the cellulite, the stretch marks, the spider veins, wobbly bits, and moles I see in it. Would these bother a man as much as they bother me? Can a sexy attitude make them overlook those defects? How bad is too bad? Am I being paranoid?

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): First off…wobbly bits?  Bits can be wobbly?  Who knew?  Second, there is nothing worse than someone hung up on their physical appearance.  Staying in shape is great, wearing flattering clothes is smart and staying healthy is a must.  But otherwise, here’s a simple trick to feeling better (or at least not feeling bad anymore).  Every morning look in the mirror and say – out loud – “I’ve got what I’ve got.”  That’s it.  Let it all go.  You’ve got what you got so don’t spend even a second more worrying about it.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): Bad news: we care more than you do — about the visuals, that is. But you knew that. The good news? We generally care more about the total package, not so much the minor details. (Moles? Whatever. And some “wobbly bits” we quite like!) Also, we often have different ideals of beauty/booty. Quoth Sir Mix-a-lot: “So Cosmo says you’re fat/ Well I ain’t down with that…”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): There is nothing more attractive than a confident woman. A woman who carries herself well and feels great about herself is incredibly sexy. On the flip side, it is one of the most obnoxious things to hear a beautiful woman complain about minuscule flaws and imperfections. If you see yourself in a generally negative light you will give off that image, and it doesn’t sound like that’s your goal. I would suggest looking past the image in the mirror at what’s inside and determine if your issues are really physical ones. Insecurity tends to stem from various places, most of which are not located on the outside of your body.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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10 Comments on "Wise Guys – Can a Sexy Attitude Really Compensate for a So-So Body?"

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5 years 2 months ago

My response to the question is simply that ‘it depends’. I’m going to guess that you failed to attract someone you very much wanted to attract and are correctly/incorrectly blaming something about your physical appearance for that failure. For me, a sexy attitude will NOT compensate for a so-so body. I avoided having sex with two, possibly even at the same time, fairly cute girls that had very sexy but not vulgar attitudes. Yes, they flat out said to me “let’s f…!” Neither of these girls are what I would consider a slut. Their being so sexually aggressive was not a turn off either. I really like both of these girls, but the simple facts of the matter is that due to their size, (heavy set), I really had no physical desire for them. I’m sure there are plenty of other guys though that would practically kill to get one or both of these gals into bed and maybe even fall in love with them.
So, like I said, my opinion is that ‘it depends’ on the individual and hopefully when you find a special someone, you won’t end up driving them away by badgering them with questions such as “do you think my ears stick out too far?” or “don’t you think my knee caps are simply horrid looking?”

5 years 2 months ago

Absolutely, positively yes!! I have met and enjoyed many women with figures that were, let us say, unique, who dazzled me with their sexy attitudes and personalities. A woman does not have to look like a film star to be sexy, she just has to believe that she is. The rest will follow.

5 years 2 months ago

Beauty is most definitely in the eye of the beholder! I had a birth accident that left me with a partially paralyzed face, but was raised by parents who treated me like anybody else with the potential for social success. Result? Exuberant, unselfconscious, happy me got real friends and boyfriends; the latter only ‘changed’ once I reached junior high (and neurotic attitudes so typical of that time in everyone’s life). My experiences have been so varied since, I’ve come to the conclusion that people with negative, petty personalities are the ones who nitpick, and others who don’t can see my fine features and my body in a more whole way. I’ve been ‘hit’ on more often than I can count with a positive, self-respecting attitude. Any dissing guys later admitted they did it out of spite, because if I saw my body as beautiful I might leave them. It’s about power, not love…and not splitting yourself into ‘fragments’ (or being pressured to, so others can feel ‘more’ than you. Consider the source!!!

5 years 2 months ago

simply put: yes. and the opposite is true, a smokin hot body with a ditzy or obnoxious personality is NOT attractive.

5 years 2 months ago

First of all everyone who has ever existed has a body. Every man and woman can be judged and thought to have flaws. But why are these little details flaws? Why is there anything “wrong” with anyone’s body when we all have one and they all are shaped differently. No one can or should expect people to look like air brushed ads. No one should be concerned about the details. Beyond that it is helpful to be confident (not because it will supposedly stop men from judging you) but because it feels good to feel confident. Lately I’ve decided to walk with confidence and feel sexy when I do. No one’s paid me more attention but I feel good.It sounds like it’s more important for you to act confident so that you become confident than for you to act confident in order to “convince” men that you have no “flaws”.