Wise Guys: Can Men Spot Fake Orgasms?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do most guys think they can tell a faked orgasm from a real one? Do they even care? Are they just happy to be blissfully ignorant? Like they’d rather believe a faked orgasm than know she didn’t really have one? And if so, why?”

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Every guy will lie and say he can tell the difference, but usually we can’t, and we don’t really want to know the truth anyway. Ninety-nine percent of the time, a guy will believe he caused a real orgasm, and even if he has reason to doubt it, he won’t try too hard to investigate. It’s deeply satisfying to our ego, and with most women perpetuating the myth, it’s only a small percentage of lousy actors and honest women who burst the bubble for us.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): As a gay man who thinks that sex sans an orgasm is as counterproductive as eating a Twinkie on a treadmill, faking an orgasm has always been an enigma of sorts to me. I imagine it must be as tiresome as pretending to enjoy a friend’s failed culinary attempt, theatrically helping yourself to seconds. But let’s face it, failed sex is like a bad pot roast: unless you’re Meryl Streep, no one around the table’s fooled. If anything, good lovers are like good friends: supportive, gentle, and never wary of pointing out your innumerable flaws. Unless you’re willing to take one for the team, there’s no reason to mask the obvious.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t think it’s that easy to tell the difference between a fake orgasm and a real one. One reason for that is both porn and mainstream movie orgasms tend to be over the top loud and dramatic compared to actual real ones. So a better way to pose the question might be whether guys can tell a real orgasm from a faked one?!

As for whether guys even care? I sincerely hope so. While I think that, contrary to the dogmatic “she comes first” attitudes of the ’70s and ’80s, it shouldn’t be men’s responsibility to produce their partner’s orgasms, although it’s still really, really important to take an active interest in your partner’s enjoyment. And to do whatever you can to help each other get there. It’s not just that you’re selfish and rude if you don’t care, it’s that you’re missing half the enjoyment yourself!

I’ll say one thing, though. I used to be pretty arrogant, almost fetishistic, about giving every partner an orgasm every time. Which paradoxically just added a lot of performance pressure to each of us. When I finally learned to back off, I learned that not every partner has an orgasm every time… but I could be a lot more confident that the ones they had were real.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow, and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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11 Comments on "Wise Guys: Can Men Spot Fake Orgasms?"

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El Toro2011

I am a straight man, straight as an arrow. I can tell for sure if a woman has multiple orgasms, she sweats, she quivers, and she sounds like a cat mating with each other. It is the responsibility of the man to bring her woman into climax and she will be asking for more and more and more. Believe me I have done it. I just run out of steam…Viagra was not popular then…if it could had been, then it could be hours and hours of sex..sex..sex.

only a woman can know what makes her oragsm and its up to her to share this with her partner to let them assist her to climax…. I dont understand woman wanting to fake it, guess they are trying to make the man feel good about themselves but really all they’re doing is giving crappy lovers undeserved big egos! When i go into orgsm my muscles go into full spasms so shouldnt they guy be able to FEEL our orgasms? And i think men need to remeber for most women its harder to reach orgasm but sex can be absolutely… Read more »
Madamoiselle L
There is a difference between “making” a woman “come” and helping her find her orgasm. As much as everyone is responsible for their own orgasm, there are still some techniques that need to be used to help a women “find” her orgasm. Meaning, it may be there, and doing the right things will help her get to where she needs to be, sexually. A man cannot “make” a woman orgasm, although he CAN help by doing the things she likes to get to her orgasm. How does he know? He needs to ask, and SHE needs to know how to… Read more »

If a woman appears to orgasm every time she has intercourse, then she’s probably faking at least some of the time.


who actually cares? so long as i get my orgasm if she fakes it thats her own problem

The man who can spot a woman’s fake orgasm is the man who doesn’t need his woman to fake her orgasm. Only the men who are connected and attuned enough to their women to make them come are connected and attuned enough to them to know if they’re satisfied, and moreover, concerned enough about her satisfaction to make sure she gets enough of it! The better question may be: can men spot REAL orgasms?, because once they do, they’ll never have to doubt them again! Once your man- if he’s a good man- knows that he knows how to do… Read more »
Tech Reader
As a married guy, I have never been able to tell “for sure” when she had climaxed. The biggest fight we ever had, at about the 12-year mark, was when she tossed out the tidbit that she NEVER came solely from intercourse, and that she had been steadily faking it. I fought back by saying that when a woman fakes an orgasm, she is rewarding inappropriate behavior, so it served her right that she never got to come! We survived that tempest, and now we’ve been together for over 30 years. I presume – I _HOPE_! – that she’s no… Read more »