Wise Guys: Does Sex Get Better As a Relationship Progresses?

photo by David_and_Katarina

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Many women say that sex gets better as a relationship progresses, as they get to know their partner more and get more comfortable. Is this true for guys too?”

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben): My wife and I started off super hot out of the gate. Then we slowed down, then got hot again, then crazy, then mellowed out. We’ve come to view our sexualities as very fluid things that have ebbed, flowed, come together and moved apart over the course of our ten-year relationship. Sometimes we’re wild and sometimes we’re tame. Sometimes kinky, sometimes vanilla. Sometimes in sync and sometimes not. Over the course of any longterm relationship the sex is going to change a lot – sometimes better, sometimes worse – and the key for us has been to acknowledge that and work on it together, rather than simply close our eyes and hope for the best.

Gay Single Guy (Jonathan Balthaser): I would love to meet the women that say this, because I think it’s pretty much b.s. While I think it’s true that sex gets better within a one-to-two year period after the start of a relationship, there is a precipitous decline in the hotness and quality of sex after that. It’s no one’s fault. Like Madonna said, it’s human nature. We get used to each other, and a little bored. That’s not to say that there can’t be periods of super hot sex as a relationship matures, but in general, the quality of sex declines and then plateaus. Passion dies. Find someone funny. That’s my advice.

Straight Single Guy (Max): The best sex I’ve ever had was a one night stand. It was one of my old friend’s exes and, apparently, we both had been waiting for the right moment. We stayed up all night ravaging each other, orgasms galore, high-fived at dawn and went our separate ways. It was awesome. A year later, we hooked up again and whatever chemistry we had was gone. Sex went from wow to blah, fast. On the other hand, the best partner I ever had was a huge advocate of sex for love only, and I came to see her point. (Pun intended, thank you). While guys can orgasm from just about anything, the best sex really is when the girl is completely comfortable and loving it. Nothing is sexier than a woman having an orgasm with you, and this is much more likely to happen when you know and care for each other deeply. Still, I’d like to emphasize that in my mind, great sex is mostly dependent on the lady. Barring the obvious shortcomings of some men (again, thank you) I think that a woman’s mental state and familiarity with her partner are the only things that can take sex to the next level. I wonder if this statement will get me letters from all those fantastic different men’s pill manufacturers attempting to prove me wrong…

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is blogger Jonathan Balthaser, of Boerum Hill Blog; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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13 Comments on "Wise Guys: Does Sex Get Better As a Relationship Progresses?"

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Sex just keeps getting betteready! I really like it. I’ve been having sex with a guy I see as being my beat guy friend. There’s always been a connection between us. We’ve known each other for 20 years. We’re now 30. We’ve both been hurt in the past to the point neither of us want to hear then 3 awful words.(I love you) But it’s so much more then just sex. He does everything I’ve never had. We play fight and stuff. We have deep conversation, we go 50.50 when it comes to things. Like I’ll buy the food he… Read more »

I think it does get better with time, not that it was awful to begin with. I think its because we know what the other wants now and we’re both willing to go without orgasms for the other when needed. We don’t have sex to come, but to make each other feel good which to me is why its getting better. Plus the multiple orgasms doesn’t hurt either.


It depends entirely on the two people. It’s not the same with everyone or even every relationship. There is no rule.

You can have one relationship that starts hot and active and then runs cold and boring. Then another where it gets better with time. Then another where only the first time was good and every time after that was dead.

Depends on you + other person.

I feel that being in a committed relationship always helps. However, as human beings, we get complacent, and hypnotized to be that way. We forget that we allow these day to day issues creep into our lives and makes us become indifferent as was suggested by someone earlier. Working hard to recognize that we get this way, and understand that we have a sanctuary with the other person in this relationship goes a long way in seeing that we take care of each other and ourselves along the way. Personally, I prefer the familiarity, and knowing what one gets in… Read more »
Madamoiselle L
Inferno, for many people your post couldn’t be more wrong. My Man and I have been together more than 25 years, been through an open relationship, then monogamy, marriage, child bearing, a house full of small children, getting a little older and now our sex life is better than ever! I never “cooled down” (except when we had small babies, who needed me all the time) and he never lost interest in me. I take time every day to look my best and he also takes care of himself. We both investigate interesting ways to keep our sex life fresh.… Read more »
give me a break...

seriously @peg bundy? no way, honey! of course it helps if the guy is trying harder and bringing his “A” game, but it’s up to me whether or not i have an orgasm. not telling a guy what you need or want is no one’s fault but your own! your climax destiny is in your own hands. if i left it up to him, i’d still be waiting!

Peg Bundy
PS to Gay Single Guy : You obviously don’t understand women-I know you’re just expressing your opinion but even Straight Single Guy got it”While guys can orgasm from just about anything, the best sex really is when the girl is completely comfortable and loving it. Nothing is sexier than a woman having an orgasm with you”. Most women cannot orgasm from just about anything AND if the guy doesn’t REALLY care about the girl he usually will be a selfish lover and not be on his A game to make sure she comes.But when he puts in the time and… Read more »