Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Many women say that sex gets better as a relationship progresses, as they get to know their partner more and get more comfortable. Is this true for guys too?”
Straight Married Guy (Ben): My wife and I started off super hot out of the gate. Then we slowed down, then got hot again, then crazy, then mellowed out. We’ve come to view our sexualities as very fluid things that have ebbed, flowed, come together and moved apart over the course of our ten-year relationship. Sometimes we’re wild and sometimes we’re tame. Sometimes kinky, sometimes vanilla. Sometimes in sync and sometimes not. Over the course of any longterm relationship the sex is going to change a lot – sometimes better, sometimes worse – and the key for us has been to acknowledge that and work on it together, rather than simply close our eyes and hope for the best.
Gay Single Guy (Jonathan Balthaser): I would love to meet the women that say this, because I think it’s pretty much b.s. While I think it’s true that sex gets better within a one-to-two year period after the start of a relationship, there is a precipitous decline in the hotness and quality of sex after that. It’s no one’s fault. Like Madonna said, it’s human nature. We get used to each other, and a little bored. That’s not to say that there can’t be periods of super hot sex as a relationship matures, but in general, the quality of sex declines and then plateaus. Passion dies. Find someone funny. That’s my advice.
Straight Single Guy (Max): The best sex I’ve ever had was a one night stand. It was one of my old friend’s exes and, apparently, we both had been waiting for the right moment. We stayed up all night ravaging each other, orgasms galore, high-fived at dawn and went our separate ways. It was awesome. A year later, we hooked up again and whatever chemistry we had was gone. Sex went from wow to blah, fast. On the other hand, the best partner I ever had was a huge advocate of sex for love only, and I came to see her point. (Pun intended, thank you). While guys can orgasm from just about anything, the best sex really is when the girl is completely comfortable and loving it. Nothing is sexier than a woman having an orgasm with you, and this is much more likely to happen when you know and care for each other deeply. Still, I’d like to emphasize that in my mind, great sex is mostly dependent on the lady. Barring the obvious shortcomings of some men (again, thank you) I think that a woman’s mental state and familiarity with her partner are the only things that can take sex to the next level. I wonder if this statement will get me letters from all those fantastic different men’s pill manufacturers attempting to prove me wrong…
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is blogger Jonathan Balthaser, of Boerum Hill Blog; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.