Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “How do you define what constitutes sex? Ask the Wise Guys
Your Own Question! Is it penetration (with anything or just a penis)? Oral attention? Mutual orgasms? Mutual naked pleasure? etc.“
Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): After being single for ____ months, lighting a scented candle before touching myself, as far as I’m concerned, qualifies as sex. So, clearly, you’re asking the wrong gay. But in more prosperous times, anything that exposed me to the illogical possibility of contracting an STI qualified as sex. Call me a thrill-seeker if you want, but if there’s no potential for a rash or sore, then I’m not interested.
Straight Single Guy (Chris): I’m not sure my opinion on this represents the majority of people I know, but I actually think sex is a penis inside a vagina. It seems to me that other sex acts are far less serious and consequential, so can be taking more casually. Since sex-sex can involve more serious diseases, pregnancy potential, etc, its feels, for me, to require more trust, intimacy and meaning. I think guys generally classify sex as intercourse, maybe including anal. It seems that we say, “I just got a blowjob in the bathroom” vs. “We just fucked in the bathroom” — they actually do mean different things. I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority on this.
Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): First of all, it has to say “sex” in the proper name for it. So, “oral sex,” “vaginal sex,” “anal sex,” etc. Nobody says “manual sex” – hand jobs don’t qualify. Second, anything “sex” must involve the potential internal exchange of sexual fluid. Oral counts – sexual fluid from one partner can get in the mouth of the other. Vaginal sex counts – fluid both ways. Buttsex – well, you get it. Again, manual stimulation doesn’t qualify. A little bit of fluid on your hand doesn’t count. Phone “sex” is a misnomer – that’s immaculate dirty talk.
Some people count almost anything potentially arousing as sex, including kissing. Really? In that case I lost my virginity in 7th grade during the three minutes between social studies and math. That would also mean I’ve had sex in front of many of my friends and family. It would mean the bride and groom screw right in front of everyone after saying “I do.” Remember that creepy Al and Tipper Gore kiss? So much worse now that you know that was sex! If I merely kissed a date good-night, but claimed to have gotten laid, wouldn’t that be a lie?
See what I mean? Not everything is sex. Gotta draw the line somewhere.
[Em & Lo Note: We use the term “manual sex” all the time! And we think it counts.]
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.