Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,“How common is it for guys imagine someone else while they’re having sex with a partner? Does it depend on the guy? Does it depend on the relationship? How do you think it compares to the rate at which women do this?“
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): The thought of your partner picturing someone else during the deed is nauseating. If I was told a girl I was sleeping with was imagining I was her ex I would suggest she live the dream and get the hell out of my bed. There really isn’t a reason to imagine your partner is someone else unless you actually wish they were. There are times when our minds wander and some people from the past make guest appearances, but they are usually short lived. If you yourself find that you are imagining your partner to be someone else more often than not, I say do yourself a favor and move on. Sex should be an intimate experience between two people who are both in the moment, with their heads on a bed, the floor, anywhere really except for the clouds.
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): It happens all the time. Especially when it involves two guys. There is a lot of pressure to ejaculate to show your partner that you have, in fact, been enjoying the experience. No one likes to admit it, but when one person doesn’t climax it becomes the elephant in the room. A very frustrated, sticky elephant. So imagining a very hot past sexual encounter can often be just the ticket to blast-off. If it happens the first few times in a relationship, that relationship will last about as long as Snookie’s fifteen minutes. But after a year or so, totally healthy and normal.
Straight Married Guy (Matt): I honestly have no idea how often guys do this, in general. It’s not something guys exactly gush about, like, “Hey, so you should’ve seen this woman I was imagining while I was fucking my girlfriend last night–totally amazing.” But yes, I suppose it depends on the guy and the relationship, like anything. I don’t have any idea whether women do this (or talk about it) either, so it’s impossible to compare. If the question is, do I think it’s okay to do this, I’d say that depends. If it’s something you’re experiencing with your partner as a scenario/fantasy, then it can be great. If you’re off in your own fantasy and not actually present with your partner while you’re having sex, I’d say it’s fine once in a while, but would be a real bummer for both people involved if it’s happening on a consistent basis.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here. To ask the guys your own question, click here.