Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What are the best ways for a woman to pick up a man in a bar?
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Well, what kind of bar is it? If it’s a sports bar, talk about the game of course! I’m going out on a limb here as a queer man, but most straight men lurve women who are into sports. And why is that? Because it’s a pleasant surprise that keeps giving pleasure. Imagine meeting someone attractive that happens to share an interest with you that you can talk almost endlessly about. Wouldn’t your heart just melt if you met a genuinely straight guy who loved shopping for clothes and talking about it? It’s the same kind of surprise and euphoria for a woman and sports! But outside of the sports bar, I know the absolute best way: walk up to the man and offer to buy him a drink. Why is this frakkin’ brilliant? 1) Totally unexpected; 2) Demonstrates both a cleverness and a sense of humor; 3) Shows independence and adventurousness; and 4) It’s also an open door to a smart discussion on male-female dynamics, role-reversals, feminism, etc. See, it’s perfect!
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): You’d think the best way would be to ask for his phone number and say, “Can I call you later.” Unfortunately that seems to make men nervous if they’re not already pretty interested. That’s not as unfair as it sounds, though, because chances are good that unless you’re already pretty interested, it makes you a little nervous when men try to pick you up! Here’s what I’ve seen work pretty well no matter who’s asking: make or permit eye contact without making a big production out of it. Then go back to doing what you were doing before. Try for eye contact again every now and then. Smile back if he smiles. If he seems interested, find your way over to him (if he doesn’t come over to you first) and find a way to say “hi” without making him feeling cornered. You can both probably take it from there. One important point though: don’t be shocked and, especially, don’t be hurt if he declines your overtures. We’re used to thinking of men as always interested, but that’s more a function of men traditionally initiating. If he gets to know you a little better he might change his mind… or even ask you out himself. Good luck.
Straight Single Guy (Mark): I’m a little past the bar scene as prime turf for pick-ups, but we’re all familiar enough with the scene to know how it goes. The gender roles are quite different depending on who’s the aggressor, and in this case, it’s a little more straightforward. First, just approach him and strike up some decent general conversation — truthfully, the odds of this being received well are high, even before any chemistry is determined, and you get points already for being outgoing enough. Soon enough, if there’s any semblance of a spark, just come right out and be candid about what you’re looking for, whatever that may be (a number for some future potential, or just to go home and get naughty) — more points for the assertiveness. If he’s into you, then game on! If he’s not, any reasonable guy will still be flattered enough, and probably offer some polite enough version of “no thanks” (no worse a rejection than if you’d used some other cockamamie strategy). Either way, cutting to the chase gets you your answer without anyone having to play any crazy games, imagine that. With picking up guys, it’s pretty simple — just go for it!
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.