Wise Guys – Is Painful Sex an Issue for Some Guys (Like It Is for Some Gals)?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Considering all the questions the doctors on this site get about women experiencing painful intercourse, I was wondering: do guys ever experience pain during sex?”

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max): While the good normally outweighs the bad, I would say that yes, sex can hurt. Have you ever had a guy pull out only to jam his penis against the inside of your thigh? Trust me, this hurts. I’ve heard horror stories about guys having to stop altogether because they thought the “broke” their dick. While this might elicit a chuckle in retrospect, there is a real danger when participating in over zealous sexual fun. I would add that there are other ways to hurt a guy. First, make sure that lubrication is always available. Especially when heavy drinking is involved. I find that things get a bit rougher than you realize and this hurts just as much in the moment as it will in the morning. Secondly, be careful of foreskins. They are extremely sensitive and I’ve had to politely remind a couple of partners that, despite their good intentions, they might be trying a little too hard. Finally, watch your words after sex. While I’ve never felt insulted, I’ve had friends had their ego’s destroyed by post-game analysis. While it might not be physically painful, nothing will hurt a guy more than telling him that his brother did it… “differently”.

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben): Sure. Sometimes my wife uses too big a dildo on me and it takes a while to, um, adjust. That can be painful. Sometimes a handjob gets particular rough and that can be painful. Sometimes, during a particularly long session, things can get a little dry down there and that can get a little painful for me too. The one common solution to most of my painful encounters is the application of generous amounts of lube, usually water-based although silicone- and oil-based have their places too. The only time this isn’t true, of course, is when the pain is on purpose – floggers, nipple clamps, riding crops, etc — but I don’t think that’s what you’re asking about.

Gay Single Guy (Bradford Shellhammer): Yes, but gays have poppers for that.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is fellow SUN blogger Bradford Shellhammer, the creative director of fabulis and a New York Times featured decorator; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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My boyfriend used to be really, really sore after sex. We finally figured out that our sex tended to be really, really vigorous, with multiple rounds (he’s lucky in that he has almost no recovery time) and his foreskin was getting yanked about by all the thrusting. And he was turned on enough not to care about the pain in the moment. I’m not sure what really changed–he just got better at noticing when things are starting to hurt and backing off for a it.