Is There Such a Thing as Ugly Breasts?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Is there such a thing as ugly breasts, how do you describe them, and are they a dealbreaker for a guy?

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben): I’m beginning to think that breasts are to women as dick size is to men: something women obsess over and endlessly worry about but, really, to guys? Not that big a deal. Boobs are boobs and they are, mostly, all wonderful. But just like some dicks actually are outliers – way too small or way too big – some boobs are not wonderful. Though, now that I think about it, I’ve never encountered any of them in real life. Sure, I’ve seen pictures of really blown out boob jobs or super saggy, wrinkled out breasts. But the jobbed up or post-baby breasts I’ve actually seen and touched? Pretty darn hot. In fact, now that I think about it more, I’m starting to question whether these unsubstantiated rumors of ugly boobs are anything more than some grand conspiracy theory – a few well-placed pictures on a fake website over here, an over-heard conversation in a bar over there … Is there such a thing as ugly breasts? To be honest, I don’t actually know.


Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Yes, Virginia, there are ugly breasts.  We are human, after all.  We can have ugly everything!  We’ve all seen feet that looked like roadkill, noses that belonged on the Muppet Show and bellies that should be served at picnics with raisins floating in them.  Or, rather, they looked that way to us.  When it comes to sex and attractive body features,  “ugly” is the most relative term in the world.  So maybe you’re nipples do look like something Denny’s would pour maple syrup on and serve as their Grand Slam.  Someone out there loves that!  Or one boob isn’t quite on the same page as the other one.  To some guy that’s like having two sets of boobs for the price of one.  The point is that what one person finds ugly another will fondle and nuzzle for days.  Dealbreakers are highly personal.  Just because one person wants to break the deal, that doesn’t mean someone else isn’t waiting in the wings to scoop up those assets and conduct one hell of a hot, sweaty merger.
anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max):
First of all, breasts are never a dealbreaker. I’ve always liked to think of them like bonuses… but admittedly, some feel more like bonuses in video games rather than on wall street. While it might surprise you, the only times that these “bonuses” become a burden is in the rare occasion that they are actually TOO big. (Somewhere a big man just started crying). Boobs, much like butts, can become something of a distraction. Don’t get me wrong, I love a girl with curves, but I’d actually prefer a sexy girl with small breasts over a small girl with sexy breasts. You feel me? (Seriously. Do you?) For all the girls that are bummed out about their lack of cleavage? Get over it. Start working on being confident in what you are and stop worrying about what you’re missing because trust me. Self consciousness is a WAY bigger turn off than A cups.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. Hey there, I’ve read all these comments, and I’ve been on both sides if the fence. I hated and I meanHATED my breasts until I was 19. I always had slightly above average breast size I was slender but not skinny and had a mid level D cup but always thought they were too pointy and that my nips were big. I would have killed for a boob job just for them to be round. I know now that they were still developing and that they were no where near as pointy as I thought and my nipple size was actually quite medium. So maybe those of you who have intense boob hate are being overly critical of yourselves or if you are young maybe you haven’t fully developed. Thru my early twenties my breasts kept gradually growing and rounding out, I’m now 27 and have gotten to a DDD I have gained a bit of weight but I’m def not fat but my breast are both very round and in my and many men’s opinions my nipples are the perfect medium size and perfect looking and somehow my breasts are not remotely saggy and they are firm. I can still get away with not wearing a bra under most clothes as long as it isn’t cold out lol. So ladies if u are unhappy with what u have, hang in there you just might end up growing into a gorgeous mind blowing set. And if you don’t learn to live with em and find other things about yourself that you love, or save up and get a little work done, if it will make your life better.

  2. “Jeesus guys, yes there is such a thing as ugly breasts. Flat and saggy are not as pretty as full and perky” exactly. have not met a “man” (one that was not desperate and has had their fair share of dates) that didn’t have an opinion on what is “attractive” and what is “not,” usually from what can be gathered by the “hot” guys met, they do not like them small.

  3. As many have stated, how attractive you boobs are is a very subjective thing. I can honestly say that the only breasts I have not felt an attraction to are those that have been enhanced. From my perspective what is special about breasts is completely intertwined with that which is so special about those who possess them. Natural, they are the physical representation of the qualities in a woman I am most attracted to. It matters little to me if they are large or small in dimensions, areola, nipple etc. Natural they are all fantastic, and as I age I find that if anything my interest and appreciation for breasts has increased, and it is directly related to the character of the breasts I am now exposed to, in much the same way I find a woman who’s face shows her experience has always been extremely attractive to me.

  4. There are some really good responses here, and honesty, which is nice. Of the ones I read, I liked JKR’s mature honesty, and Biddy’s acceptance of her body and advice to all without perfect breasts, or whatever we want, but don’t have.

    ….Unfortunately, I grew up hating my breasts too. I never felt normal. They never looked like the other girls in gym class. I never had the opportunity to know what it was like to have perky breasts with nice nipples. Instead, I got saggy, stretch-marked breasts with flat nipples. I was so self conscious that at 20 yrs old I got them lifted. They never were huge or small. About a B/C size, maybe D if 10 lbs overweight. The surgery left me with large scars, but the scars didn’t bother me as much as the flat nipples, and now augmentation that still was just a slight improvement. People say that in the end it really doesn’t matter, and guys just will play with them anyway, but honestly, I’ve never been with any guy to get excited over my breasts, but at the same time no one ever said anything negative. They just sort of ignored them. 🙂 I suppose with no nipple, nothing really to have much fun with, and the no nice shape…sort of wasn’t what they expected. who knows. But as Biddy said, in the end they are a part of me, so I should accept and love them even if no one else wants to. 🙂 I actually enjoy playing with them myself, so never got why men didn’t. 😉

  5. @kelly
    hey girl, what you call ‘shriveling up’ is the exact same thing that’s described as ‘hardening nipples’ in billions of erotica.
    My nipples behave in much the same way, soft and silky in the rest state, and they contract and get perky when i’m aroused (or cold.)

  6. Madamoiselle L, I think what Dex meant was that his “ideal” set of breasts would be a pair that “matched” what he envisions as the most aesthetically pleasing…I don’t think he meant “a perfectly matched set”!

    That said, I beg to differ with your assessment: I have breastfed 3 children, and sadly, my girls appear to sag equally low 🙂

  7. Dex Says:

    It’s nice if the breasts I get to play with are an “exact match” for what I think is most asthetically pleasing” END QUOTE

    I’d like to know where you have seen this. As a Lactation Consultant I have seen thousands of sets of breasts, before pregnancy, during, at the beginning during and after lactation. I can say in 20 years and thousands of pairs of breasts later I have NEVER seen an “exact match” in a single woman. EVER!

    If you’ve seen a perfect match in a women who has not had cosmetic surgery, please tell her to contact her local medical school or the IBCLE because as of so far, we haven’t seen such a thing!

    I’d like to write up and submit said woman’s case for a peer reviewed article.


  8. I’m not very happy with my breasts (or nipples for that matter) althought reading this has made me feel much better.

    I’m small chested, only 32B and have wierd puffy nipples that shrivel up when stimulated. I thought about cosmetic surgery but can’t afford it at the mo, plus do I really want two sacks of silicone in my chest and scars? : /

  9. Biddy, I understand where you’re coming from…I also have ugly breasts. (but being over 40, having breastfed 3 kids and losing nearly 200 lbs, they really ought to be up for a Purple Heart.) I applaud your attitude toward body image. Thank you.

  10. As someone who has struggled with accepting my own asymmetrical breasts, this question resounds with me. Before, I just wanted to be “normal” no matter what size normal was, and I would scoff at the stories of girls who got boob jobs just because they thought they were too small. I would feel bad for myself because I just wanted “normal” boobs and would have died to have their pre-op bods. However, I got tired of feeling bad for myself, feeling shame and inadequacy. This is how my body looks, this is how I came, and I’ve accepted that. I realized that my longing for “normal” was the same exact normal that the other girls were trying to achieve. Some subjective idea of what our bodies should look like. I realize that if I had been born with the breasts I envied that I would have found something else on my body to dislike. Acceptance of our bodies is not spoken of. We have very selective representations of bodies in media that reinforce cultural norms and ideals of the period. It’s beyond difficult in this day and age of “fixing” your dislikes to stand up for acceptance. Even more problematic (but on a totally different, yet relatable discussion) are the au naturale states bodies come in that are not “fixable,” yet never represented.
    Also, the only advice or support I ever found online for acceptance of my body wasn’t helpful at all as it was what to expect out of plastic surgery. However, this site (http://www.007b.com/) is the only site that I’ve ever seen to show a variety of breasts.
    That being said, I’d hate to think that my b/f is missing out on “bonus” boobs because I insist on accepting my body as opposed to altering it because I could.

  11. My guy friends always claim it’s how they feel that’s important, not the size…although there are definitely guys out there that prefer a D over, say, an A.

  12. I second what nick said.

    It’s nice if the breasts I get to play with are an “exact match” for what I think is most asthetically pleasing, but it is the woman behind them who matters. If she is confident, then her breasts are just right. She is sexy from within — where it counts.

  13. only when misshapen or ridiculously large to the point that they become distorted, and disproportional to the size of the women.

    i would have to agree on the breasts/penis analogy, men enjoy looking at breasts, all breasts. men are obsessed with breasts, but not over trying to find the perfect set, just obsessed over their general existence, and women do not need to worry about how big or small they are, or if they point in or out, or how low they hang (assuming they are above the waist)

    Any guy you are with will, %5 of his interest is in the exact look of your breasts and %95 of their interest is over their chances to play with them.

  14. Jeesus guys, yes there is such a thing as ugly breasts. Flat and saggy are not as pretty as full and perky, everybody knows that. On the flip side, overly round, hard looking, giant melons are not great either. Size is less important than you think. Shape is most important. Tear drop is good. Nice nipples are more important than boob size, too. Ugly boobs are not a deal breaker by themselves. If you think you have ugly boobs just keep your bra on longer. No matter what they look like your boobs will always look good to him while they’re bouncing around during sex.

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