Wise Guys – What Are Men Insecure About Appearance-Wise?

photo by Ecnerwal

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What part of their physical appearance are guys most likely to be insecure about?

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max): Obviously, you would expect most men to be worried about their penis, because let’s face it, it’s an ugly thing. We worry about length, girth, shape and the state of our foreskin. (I will never pretend to understand most women’s acceptance and love for the male body, but I feel blessed for every bit of affection my “temple” is shown.) But I think we should learn to play the hand we’ve been dealt with grace. (Unless of course, you choose to believe in the “magic beans” that so many emails promise you. Sorry guys, but four inches in a month has got to come with a price). Me? I’m concerned about nose hair. I’m not an old man and until I get there, I don’t want a mustache coming out of my nose. For this reason, I say that the best gift a lady can give her man is a trimmer for this very application. Put our insecurity at rest before it grows into something that frightens you as well.

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben): It’s funny, if you’d asked me this question ten years ago I would have definitely said dick size – how it shows (or doesn’t) in pants, in undies, swimsuits and/or unclothed. But maybe it’s solidly hitting middle age, maybe it’s the douchebagification of our entire pop culture, maybe it’s having kids and actually starting to turn into my father. Now, I’d definitely have to say my tummy / chest / arms / torso situation (note: NOT “Situation”). On the plus side, this is actually something I can do something about – unlike, say, my dick size. On the minus, though, I’m not really actually going to do anything about it. Not any time soon anyway.

Gay Single Guy (Bradford Shellhammer): If they have a small penis, then the answer is their penis. If they have a big penis they’re probably not insecure.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is fellow SUN blogger Bradford Shellhammer, the creative director of fabulis and a New York Times featured decorator; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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9 Comments on "Wise Guys – What Are Men Insecure About Appearance-Wise?"

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im a grown woman.i love male body.i worship male body.i personally find male physique intriguing.in fact,i fantasize about them all the time.did i mention that my boyfriend is very skinny?that does not change anything i feel about the beauty of the his manly body.


Here’s a spot-on article about this very subject, by a very thoughtful blogger:


AlanK wrote: “No; you don’t understand. You really don’t understand. REally. That’s the way we think. Most straight men think their bodies are sexually unattractive because most of us just don’t find men sexually attractive.” There’s a whiff of, if you’ll excuse the term, privilege about proclaiming that you can’t understand why the other gender finds your body sexually attractive. Men aren’t shown in the media, generally, as being objects of desire, and they don’t learn to see themselves this way the way women do. (I don’t think this is because “everyone likes pretty and women are pretty” — I… Read more »
AlanK wrote :”…women are pretty, people are attracted to pretty, everyone is attracted to women.” Um, well no. Your logic is sound, your premise isn’t. Strangely enough, my husband and I were just having a somewhat similar conversation when he informed me that EVERYONE likes breasts, even gay men and straight women. Except I don’t, and I think the female genitalia is way uglier than a male’s. It’s all wet and pink and squishy, and I just can’t understand why anyone would want to touch that. No worries, my husband promptly informed me that I’m weird because everyone likes breasts… Read more »
Madamoiselle L
AlanK I usually agree with you, but not on this thread. You said: “The mystery to us is not that some men are attracted to some men; to straight men the mystery is why ANYTHING is attracted to men.” END QUOTE Really? I can understand why men are attracted to woman, and appreciate a female body. Maybe women are less homo-paranoid. I don’t get this aspect of SOME, but not all men’s thinking. Then AlanK said: “OK; I’m being a little ironic here. But there’s a reason that the cover of magazines aimed at straight men AND at straight women… Read more »

Well, AlanK, you can be sure that where you’re grossed out, we’re checking you out. I feel the same way about lesbians that you do about guys…2 chicks? Whatever, I’ve got all that “stuff,” nothing to see there…but guys, your shoulders, narrow hips, hands, honestly, women *see* you all the time, and enjoy it!


I am a woman and I adore the tall and hard body of a man. It is just flamboyant.

Do not be insecure, just come over and take me.