Wise Guys – What Do You Think of the "Woman Comes First" Expectation?

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,”What do guys think of the ‘women come first’ expectation in bed? Embrace it? Hate it? And why?

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): We think it’s great – especially when there are no women in bed! Kidding aside, does every woman have that expectation?  I doubt it.  I would think the expectation would be more like “This is not a one-way street and I expect to have a good time too.”  Come first, second, hell even third, it doesn’t matter so long as sex is still a fun and enjoyable experience.  Anyone who comes and goes can just keep going. Right out the door. And hopefully off a cliff.

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): I propose a new standard of expectation where not only does the woman come first, but comes second and third and fourth… A guy should be prioritized in bed too, but often times if he comes first then the girl most likely doesn’t come back! Coming together for the greater good is, of course, ideal, but that’s only achieved by the rare few with impeccable timing.

Straight Married Guy (David Felsen): When I was in college, a woman hurled abuse at me when I held a door open for her. She told me I was repressing her. Did I mention she went to Bryn Mawr? Is it fair to say then that letting a woman go or come first in bed is sexist? Of course not, I was just looking for an excuse to tell that Bryn Mawr story. I do think it is only proper for a man to let the lady go first if she so desires, however keep in mind that the moment things get started most men turn into reptiles and all bets are off.

Honorary Wise Guys (Em & Lo): Um, we just had to butt in when none of our above esteemed Wise Guys mentioned the following: Women can stay aroused for a while after an orgasm (unlike most men), which is what allows some of them to have multiple orgasms. Also, the engorgement of the entire clitoris (which extends throughout the genital region, including around the vaginal opening) that results from orgasm can often make intercourse more pleasurable for her. So for these reasons, we think “Women come first” is a good policy to embrace, at least more often than not.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is NY writer-comedian David Felsen; our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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13 Comments on "Wise Guys – What Do You Think of the "Woman Comes First" Expectation?"

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5 years 2 months ago

Ladies first. Been that way since I was 15. Now 46. And I have given 1000% more than I ever received. There is nothing more I would rather do, than please her. Until I am told to stop or I am about to burst. I can’t reload like I once could. But, my tongue and fingers have never gone limp. Satisfy them, that is what is all about. I am the luckiest man in the world to be in bed with someone that wants me with them.

5 years 3 months ago

Funny thing, this question. When my wife comes first, she goes right to sleep – she’s completely spent and has no energy to do anything for or to me.

With my other partners, though, getting them off leaves them more relaxed, more open, and more enthused about additional sex.

5 years 3 months ago

I prefer to come first because if he does, then his tip is too sensitive and we can’t continue. Unfortunately for me, I cannot be fingered and I rarely come during oral sex.

5 years 3 months ago

i have to go with sugarmag on this one. it is often difficult or even impossible for me to reach orgasm, and a lot of the time i’m actually okay with that. i don’t WANT to get off every single time no matter what! to be honest, when a guy tries and tries to get me off first it is often too frustrating to enjoy. i don’t need the pressure or the expectation – otherwise one or both of us feel like we’ve failed somehow. and isn’t the journey supposed to be at least as good as the destination?

if i am going to get off in a particular session, and my guy gets off first – that’s totally fine. as long as he doesn’t just roll over snd start snoring. even a sleepy and spent guy can hold a vibrator for me!

really, it’s more about consideration than timing. as long as everyone feels satisfied (which does not necessarily mean having an orgasm) that’s all that matters.

5 years 3 months ago

I’m with you @sugarmag, although if I can get to the first one, multiple ones will follow. For me, it all depends on having a partner who’s “up to the challenge.”

IMHO, if each partner is vested in the other’s pleasure, it’s all good.