Wise Guys: What Men Wish They’d Known When They Were Younger

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do you wish you had known about sex when you were younger?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Wow. There are probably hundreds of things I wish I’d known about sex when I was younger but the number one-with-a-bullet thing I wish I’d known when I was younger is that, contrary to the Santa Clause maxim, it’s actually as good to receive as it is to give. Really. No kidding!

I grew up in the “she comes first” era which, while certainly an improvement of the earlier “she comes?” era, still had a big element of putting women on pedestals and treating them like dainty, passive, recipients rather than participants in sex. I remember being really, literally shocked out of the mood when one partner pushed my knees apart, popped me into her mouth, then popped back up a moment later with this huge grin and said, “Oh, I just love doing this.”

At the time it simply hadn’t occurred to me that she might enjoy making me moan as much as I enjoyed doing the same for her.

Anyway, that’s the lesson: if you’re used to only giving, or only receiving, you’re missing half the fun.

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Truth be told, I have always had a very liberal attitude about sex. What I wish people would stop perpetuating about sex is that there is shame in it. For example, why do we let kids ridicule masturbation and feel ill at ease about it? What’s that nonsense about?

Straight Married Guy (Mark Luczak): Gosh darnit, how to get more of it, or any at all! But seriously, I was raised in a pretty conservative household and school environment, so a lot of the early intel and guidance my parents and teachers imparted to me was the stereotypical old-school, one-Right-Way-to-do-things-or-else talking points (I won’t say the A-word, but…yeah). I guess I do wish I had been privy to a much more well-rounded variety of points of view. I like to think that even my much younger self was mature enough to process it all with an open-mind, yet still make thoughtful, safe, and responsible decisions.

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Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our (Newly-Wed) Straight Married Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our (Long-Time-Wed) Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com.To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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