9/1/09
Wise Guys: What Makes a Great BJ?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the difference between an average blowjob and an excellent blowjob?”

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I have had a handful of extraordinary blowjobs in my lifetime. Generally I say something to any talented giver, pointing out how noteworthy her skills are. One lovely woman asked me to explain why I thought it was so good. I thought about it for a minute and I think my answer to her is the same answer to this question:

  • Enthusiasm. You’ve got to enjoy what you do.
  • Vigor. You’ve got to do it like you want to finish the job.
  • Lubrication. You can’t be afraid of a little saliva.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): The thing that really separates the ho-hum BJ from the eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-my-head one is undoubtedly passion and enthusiasm. Of course, there are many technical aspects that come into play, but even the most experienced, tongue-twisting mouth would be boring if there was no desire behind it. So, if you want to give a guy an excellent blowjob, get into it. There is nothing sexier for me than when the person blowing me is performing enthusiastically and getting turned on while doing so. I understand blowjobs are not everyone’s  cup of tea. So it’s time to play-act a little. Find out what your man likes and go for it full tilt booty. Hopefully you’ll get something equally excellent in return. Oh, and just in case somehow someone missed the memo,  the cardinal rule of blowjobs is NO TEETH.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): No teeth, and a lot of practice. Problem is, women don’t know how it feels to have your dick sucked, and how it should or shouldn’t be done — and we guys aren’t about to tell them how.  We’re far too grateful to be on the receiving end to interrupt with helpful hints.  We just lay back, relax, and hope it doesn’t grate too much.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

87 Comments

  1. Um, my favourite sex act of all time is giving my man a blow-job while he finger fucks me. We can both cum at the same time 🙂

  2. I never did blow jobs, I found them to be degrading to women, especially when regarded to as “gobbies”, I suppose it’s that image of the town bikes handing them out at parties that turned me off them. However, lately I have acquired myself a boyfriend who I am extremely fond of and my perception of them changed. I found it enjoyable to make him feel good. I used my lips pretty much all over His body which drove him crazy, he was having trouble controlling himself and wanted to do thigs to me, however, I was having such a good time pleasing him, I had to tie him up and gag him with a scarf haha. This added a greater element of enjoyment to the situation, and it made me feel like I wasn’t some sex object to him and that I had some control. I really got into it, switching around from his
    Penis to round his body and back to his penis to keep it exciting. The whole time he was panting, clenching his jaw and almost in tears when I teased. He came,which was apparently not a common occourance without sex. He told me it’s the best he has expirenced, not sure if thats a confidence booster or a truth, but I do think it was the fact I was enjoying it, role playing and getting into it. It was also good on his part to show enjoyment, it helped me feel confident and want to keep going. The location I found was important to, he was sitting on a low couch laying back, so I could see his face most of the time, it created more of a connection and I never felt like the submissive ‘pornstar’

  3. What I need answering is how can your woman go down on you without it hurting? The first time I had it was hilarious. She and I were in a corner of a seemingly abandoned parking lot. She and I had some condoms and she really liked it but as she sucked it, first of all, I guess since I’m circumcised, it doesn’t feel like anything (WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO ASK, HOW DO YOU INCREASE SENSITIVITY SO THAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE SOMETHING AND FEEL GOOD?) but worse off, it feels like someone is sending my dick through a pencil sharpener. What should I tell her to do? She licks it now and it feels nice, as well as sucking my balls. However when she does both or either one, if I thrust her and dry hump her against the wall, then by the time for the BJ, I get a bit tired to the point that Paco, my penis, is limp. But then when she rides it and she is on top, dry hump of course, then he’s ready to fight Osama Bin Laden again. I am so confused. And before anyone asks, I cannot shove Paco into She-Osama’s Cave just yet (she reserves that spot for her future husband, and I will not do anal. Her boobs are good but not big enough to wrap the Pig in the Blanket. And yes, I can and will finger her. Please help. Thank you.
    Sincerely,
    Pain in the Paco.

  4. I love my man,I love his penis, and I love having it in every way. I’ve been having trouble with my jaw lately,so I’ve had to take many breaks during oral, but I use, not only my hands, but I like to flick my tongue out at it and rub my face on it and purr just to show how much I love every part of it. I also find that wiggling my tongue around a bit while I’m sucking him drives him crazy. FYI, I love swallowing n hate wasting any…unless he eats asparagus for dinner. Please guys, no asparagus if you want us to go down on you. Yucky…

  5. Same as kitty,these guys should not generalize and speak for everyone. On the no teeth rule. I’ve always been careful never to use my teeth,until my boyfriend actually asked me to. Turns out he loves the sensation,I do it very gently,don’t think I clamp down. He says he lovesit because its different than any of his ex gfs bj skills.I als do a twisting corkscrew motion up n down,EYE CONTACT is the key(makes them feel like they’re watching a “POV” porno I suppose),rub ur breasts and masturbate your p***y while giving him a bj and deepthroat as much as u can. Oh yea,and if you really want to burn your image into his brain and make his eyes roll back,let him give u a facial. My bf’s told me I’m the best bj giver he’s ever had,he’s had a lot of ex gfs,me,only a handful. Aguy can’t be wrong,its all in the technique.

  6. I love reading the comments. I asked my bf if I needed pointers and he said absolutely not…I could teach. That made me feel great. I love giving BJs and never rush.

  7. Okay, so..
    My loverr likes it when I use my teeth.
    “Don’t be afraid to be a little rough.”
    I’d read everywhere that guys hate it when girls use their teeth — that it’s painful and uncomfortable, but my man loved it! Is that not normal?
    I didn’t mind it but it was a little difficult to be so careful about not biting his penis. o-o’

  8. I love giving head… all the time… but there are two things that are automatic turnoffs for me… if you grab the back of my head and gag me, I instantly want to stop pleasing you because you just pissed me off. I know what I am doing, and I know what my limits are. If you signal to me that I am not doing good “enough”…. then suck it your damn self.
    The second thing is, I swallow… if you refuse to kiss me after… don’t expect me to swallow anymore. It’s disrespectful to me not to want my tongue in your mouth regardless of what was just in there. Don’t be rude.

    So if my man doesn’t do these things, I will give you head any time you can handle it. =]

  9. How has no one mentioned oral stimulation of the balls? My husband positively melts when I stop for a moment and proceed to lick and suck his balls. He will stroke himself while I do this and it makes him bonkers!

    He calls me the blowjob queen. I’ve earned it!

  10. yah condoms take away alot of feeling for the guy but im sure he’ll survive. haha um i think being excited and willing to give a bj is key to giving him confidence in knowing that youre comfortable and ok with every thing. mabe if you wanted to start the turn-ons: a big one ive found is gently sucking on his ear lobe and breathing light warm breaths into his ear. itl drive him crazy. also feel him up, rub his arms and legs slowly and sensualy. When ‘its’ out dont dive right in … make him wait a few moments in anticipation… apriciating his body and loving him. but dont wait too long. OK so FIRST take the very tip, the head, into your mouth (its the most sensitive part of his penis) get his head good and wet with your mouth and suck. listen to his moans of pleasure. (hehe, hes al yours now) then slowly put the whole thing in your mouth. after you get everything lubricated well and a good rythym of his penis going in and out take it out and quikly switch to hand if your mouth needs a break. once you feel his penis getting dry its time to continue blowing. while youre stroking his penis in your mouth do some strokes shorter and longer than each. keep it random and exciting. then if youre feeling risky ever so gently introduce your teeth for one or two strokes at a time. to many strokes with your teeth may cause irritation even though he’ll be moaning. then as you feel his penis flex and as he’s reaching an orgasm its your choice to swallow, spit or finish off with a hand job. dont forget while youre giving a bj to cup his balls and feel his body.
    ~hope this helps!

  11. I love giving blowjobs! And swallowing. Bring it on, I love seeing a man enjoying himself! And if anyone would have any power in that scenario, I think it would be the person with their teeth closest to the other persons genetalia. Not that I would! You know… just saying 😉

  12. Some women don’t like giving blow jobs. For many different reasons. Personally I think if you really, really don’t like it, don’t do it. Everyone has their different hang ups.

    I like doing it, but not everyday. It is something that can take a lot of effort on the woman’s part. I find that the more enthusiastic you are the easier it is. And doing it a lot would probably take that enthusiasm away from me. One pointer I would suggest is condom free. ( Obviously this doesn’t apply if it’s a one night stand as you don’t know what nasties they may have.) I know someone who only gives head with a condom because she hates semen in her mouth. I feel sorry for her guy.

    One thing I do believe in is that there should be an equal amount of give and take. Most women absolutely love when a guy goes down on them. And they love it when the man does it without being asked. Some women like it more than sex itself. Personally I think, depending on my mood, they are about equal on the pleasure scale. There can be nothing hotter than looking down and watching your man going for it.

    One last thing, to all guys out there. There is one thing girls don’t appreciate when giving a blow job. And that’s pushing her head down for a deep throat affect and not releasing her if she pushes her head back up. I know it feels good right back in the throat but if it’s forced upon it’s disrespectful and completely uncalled for behaviour.

  13. Nervousmark thank you so much 4 ur thoughts! I think they were great. U should have just written the whole thing. I will use some of this in the future. I was once very anti- bj… when I was younger but I’ve become more open w/ it w/ the different guys I been with. I have found that just knowin that I’m makin him happy makes me happy which makes me get into it even more. It’s not like I do it all the time but when it does happen I can only hope they’re enjoyin it as much as I’m giving it to him.

  14. Anything that I’ve said that helps others in anyway is very gratifying to me. I’m no guru by any means. I like this site very much because they promote thoughtful communication as a main key to improvement…and we all have areas we can improve in.

    Cheers!
    M

  15. Thanks for sharing Nervousmark 🙂 I have a wonderful husband and love to give BJs (apparently he says I’m super good) but I’ve gained a few pointers so thank you!

  16. Mark should’ve just written the actual article, ha! Thanks for the detailed honesty, you’ve actually given me some new ideas.

    Overall, I feel the same way as Elizabeth; and interestingly, even when I’m not necessarily chomping at the bit to give him one (sorry, bad mental image), the knowledge of how much he’ll enjoy it is more than enough for me to get into it. Plus, knowing I’m giving him that kind of pleasure is a HUGE turn-on; which, in the case of the pre-sex blowjob, makes intercourse even better for both of us. Give and ye shall receive.

  17. The difference between a good BJ and a mind-blowing experience is hands down the givers genuine enjoyment of the activity. I can actually climax giving them—my boyfriend gets soo excited knowing how hot it makes me.

  18. Nervousmark great posts and advice you seem to know exactly what you like and aren’t afraid to express it(in detail)link was great thanks.But don’t believe any woman who doesn’t innately love it can learn to -as for me its like breathing

  19. Elizabeth, I wish more women (even my wife) had the understanding you do about it. The power is truly in your hands, and er…your mouth. It seems that women who don’t like giving it often have issues receiving as well. I’m not without hangups myself. I can’t seem to understand what’s so enticing about rim jobs (giving and getting), but some people act like its not really sex without it. Bottom line, if you really love your partner in a non-selfish way, you will get pleasure from giving pleasure and will WANT to please them in almost any manner they draw pleasure from. I say almost because there are always exceptions and you should never coerce or guilt a partner into doing something they aren’t into. If you are as unselfish as you want them to be, you wouldn’t be able to derive any pleasure from a coerced act anyway.

    Nervousmark

  20. Nervousmark, I loved your line “your mouth and tonge are like a vagina with a brain.” Quite funny – and descriptive.

    As for the power thing – I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before, but giving a BJ makes ME feel powerful and in charge. There’s the obvious way (Uh, his junk, in my mouth, with my teeth … pretty sure I could do some damage if I wanted to – I would never do that, but still). But that’s not even it for me – it’s the fact that I am giving pleasure. I get to draw it out or quicken it up or what have you, and that in the end, I am responsible for giving him all that pleasure. It is INCREDIBLY hot. The only time I ever feel submissive when going down on my man is when we’re doing powerplay and I’m the bottom.

  21. Madamoiselle L,

    Your posts are classic! To get a compliment from you is indeed an honor. I did my best to convey how men feel about a good BJ. When I say “men”, I mean myself and a few buddies of mine who have voiced a few opinions from time to time. I realized that I should have made one more comment regarding inhibitions. We know when our woman is naturally inhibited. My advice to the woman is not to change too drastically or it will freak us out and could actually backfire. If you don’t normally like to go down on him, but have made the decision to change your thinking, that’s great…just let him know about it. I promise he’ll be supportive. Just don’t go from a strict “no oral contact” policy to the star of Horny Deepthroat Sluts 6 overnite. We’re gonna think something bad happened and we won’t enjoy the event at all. Ease into your new mindset so that he as well as yourself can adjust and enjoy it.

    Cheers!

  22. Good post, mark! Very on the mark, I’m sure my Man would say about the same thing.

    You posted: “Ask him if he likes what you are doing at that moment, but do it in a way that shows you are really interested in knowing and don’t expect a 2-minute dissertation. A good grunt, “uh-huh” or gasp should be a good indicator.”

    LOL! So like a man. Now, ask US, we’ll give you a blow by blow (sorry) explanation of the entire event, maybe even with a Power Point Presentation for visual aid, (“Now, here (point, with video stopped for dramatic effect) you changed direction, but you let the intensity wane a little, and I was almost there, then you had to change positions HERE (point) but then my head was up against the headboard and my hair looked weird, so if you don’t mind, next time…” which is why you don’t ask US. 😉 ) but ya’ll guys will be happy to just grunt.

    Belt sander? OOOO! Scary.

  23. Ladies, there are two different types of oral sex for guys…one is foreplay for sex and the other is the good old fashioned BJ. Let’s face it, anytime I can get my wife’s mouth on my dick, I’m happy, but when she gives me a gratuitous BJ, it’s just amazing! The commonalities between the two have already been mentioned a bunch in this forum, namely:
    1. enthusiasm
    2. desire to please
    3. NEVER let him feel that it’s being done out of a sense of duty or obligation or even concession. If you do, it will take at least 2/3 of the pleasure out of it. It’s really hot if we think it’s YOUR idea.
    4. your giving of oral sex shouldn’t be doled out or withheld as a reward or punishment for his behavior. This is demeaning and feels much the same like if would to you if we handed you $10 to $50 afterward depending on how well you did it.
    5. Lubrication. Saliva, flavored oils, lard (jk)…we don’t care as long as there is a lot of it. Sloppy, slippery blowjobs are the ONLY blowjobs.
    6. eye contact or not is not as important as your ability to demonstrate that you are very much into what you are doing and at least enjoy how you are making us feel.

    The differences:
    oral sex as foreplay should be pretty much straight to the point but no too intense as to risk ending it before it really begins as that can happen. It should be enthusiastic, rhythmic, and get you turned on knowing whats about to happen for you as well. A few good minutes of it and then abruptly stop and switch positions for the next action. We’ll pretty much know that the happy ending will avail itself someplace other than your mouth and that’s fine.

    The gratuitous aka “Monster” blowjob is and should be set up beforehand with much thought. Think of it as your full-body massage complete with scented oil, candles, wine, rose petals and soft music. Don’t be afraid to plan a little bit. Get the towel, the flavored oils, the ice/Altoids/hot tea ready and staged. A bed is great, but can be tiring for you. Remember, we WANT you to enjoy yourself too, so it detracts if we think you are in any discomfort. A comfy chair works, loungers are even better. If you’re going to be kneeling at all, get a folded towel or soft blanket for your own knees. Wear something comfortable but sexy. You don’t have to pull out the “special” lingerie unless it makes you feel sexy. You may be surprised to find how hot we think an old tank top or flimsy t-shirt (no bra of course) and pair of panties is.

    If you want to really make it all about him, get his favorite drink ready for him and don’t even think about being offended that he takes a sip whilst you work your magic. It’s all part of the sensual experience.

    “No Funk on the Junk”: It’s okay to ask him to shower, trim or shave the shrubbery etc. He’ll gladly do it if you let him know that the experience is going to be worth the effort.

    Think variety. I love to savor a great blowjob so I want it to last a while. Get creative with your movements, your tongue, hands, etc. Get a small massager (not penis-shaped vibrator) and use that on him for a while as well as your mouth. Switch things up and watch his body language for what you know he really likes so that you can finish him up with that technique in a bit. Ask him if he likes what you are doing at that moment, but do it in a way that shows you are really interested in knowing and don’t expect a 2-minute dissertation. A good grunt, “uh-huh” or gasp should be a good indicator. Likewise, you may get a response that says “Yes”, but conveys a less-than-enthusiastic tone. This is our way of saying, “it’s just wonderful that you’re doing this, and I appreciate your creativity, but I don’t like the belt sander as much as some of the other stuff you do.”

    Time management: You don’t have to be there for 2 hours. 15 solid minutes will feel like forever if done right and it will take him a good 5 minutes for his eyes to uncross after he climaxes.

    Swallowing is amazing! Spitting is okay as long as you don’t make a big deal about it. Least desirable is the hand job finish. It’s very anticlimactic and ends your amazing work on a sour note.

    Finally, and please, if you hear anything from me, hear this: After you have performed this mind-numbing blowjob, do NOT under any circumstances and within 30 minutes of finishing:
    1. nag him about unfinished projects
    2. tell him he “owes you” a massage, dinner, housework, jewelry, etc.
    3. give him any indication that you did not enjoy what you just did for him. This includes the comment, “I’m glad YOU enjoyed it.” or, “It doesn’t really do anything for me, but I’m happy if felt good to you.”

    One last note: I’ve heard that a lot of women get hung up on the idea of a blow job because to them it seems more like a “power” thing. They get the image of the porn star man standing in front of the kneeling passive girl while he semi-violently throatfucks her. Hear me when I say this: we do not feel this way! That is NOT what we want. We love your mouth on our dicks…that much is true. Your mouth and tongue feels like a vagina with a brain. We want you to enjoy doing this for us, even if it doesn’t happen every day. Any man worth having loves you very much and would never demean you or want you to do something you can’t stand to do. If the mental thing is too much, you may actually want to speak to a counselor as the issue is probably much deeper than an aversion to oral sex.

    Cheers!

  24. Slart LOL! (In my best imitation of Marissa Tomei’s Jersey Girl in My Cousin Vinny) “Oh, yeah! I Edit!”

    ROTFL! 😉

  25. Ma’amselle, thanks so much for the validation! I have to confess that my imagination’s gone into overdrive wondering what kind of conversations you regularly have with medical personnel where this topic comes up. The mind reels!
    As an aside, I’d like to mention how much I lurve your posts and how my countenance brightens every time I see one. However, I often wish you’d stop editing yourself and really open up and share with the group. Tell us how you really feel!

  26. thanks ladies for sharing
    how about timing?
    for how long you usually want your man to suck/lick you clit? what about interaptions? do you guys like when man switch between breast and clit, etc?

  27. Very true Madameoiselle. For me, sucking on the clit will cause my eyes to cross in pain, but if there are girls who love it, go get seconds. In fact, you can have my portion as well. 😉

  28. BC you said: “While licking the penis is totally acceptable, sucking the vulva is a big no-no.” I agree that blowing air into the vagina is a BAD idea. You could get an air embolism (actually more commmon in pregnancy, but could happen any time, he’d think you were having an orgasm, and you’d be stroking out (meaning HAVING a stroke) not good. But, some nice, nasty sucks on the clit, or even the entire vulva can be heavenly at the right time……..*sigh*

    It depends what you like. Every person is different.

  29. I am also one who loves giving blow jobs.

    Getting tired can be a problem; sometimes a guy is slow to ejaculate, for whatever reason, and holding your mouth open for long periods of time is tiring (or worse, cramping). Practice does help, but so does alternating sucking with licking or sucking with stroking.

    For those of us who don’t like the taste of ejaculate, eating plain peeled cucumber afterward takes the taste away (don’t season it or eat the skin, that can make the ejaculate stronger)

    Basically, for every obstacle there is a solution, so imho, there’s no reason not to make your man as happy as he can be.

    In answer to @jerry’s question, I love getting and giving (but not at the same time). I would want the guy I’m with to totally understand that fellare (where we get fellatio) literally means “to suck”, while cunnilingus literally means “to lick the vulva”. While licking the penis is totally acceptable, sucking the vulva is a big no-no, as is blowing air in my va-jay-jay.

    Personally, I like a guy to take his time and enjoy what he is doing – nothing is moodkill like having a partner who reacts like he’d rather eat a three-day dead rat. And a compliment or two never hurts. It doesn’t have to be flowery, “Baby, you taste so good” or even just “Mmmm” is as much poetry as “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”

    So basically, my list is the same as the guys list: basic knowledge of how to treat the equipment, enthusiasm, enjoyment. Oh, yeah, and cuddle afterward (it’s a girl thing ;).

  30. Hey, Slart, I use “get there” or “Get to my destination” also. Especially when talking to medical personnel. (Perimenopause, and I am about to (hopefully) start on some Testosterone to help with the “OMG it’s taking a long time….” issue.) I used to be hair trigger. It used to take no time at all, and I used to have to try to stall to make it happen later. (Back then, I usually only got one, so if it happened too soon, I’d get dry etc) I didn’t think the hot flashes and cold sweats of menopause were a big deal until the difficulty “arriving” started a few months ago. *Sigh*

    Hmm, a gentleman asked what WE want. When I speak for myself, I want a man to take his time, start out ALL over the place (not just genitalia and breasts) then go all over the place all over the entire Yoni region, use something (fingers, hands, a dil or vibrator) for some penetration, and keep GOING once I get there. A man who is totally INTO it is the best. My Man says it’s his favorite thing to do, so I believe him.

    And again IMO, it’s best to fuck RIGHT after to keep the streaming orgasm going. My Man is a little older (he’s 50) and we can’t always go right to intercourse anymore (he needs some additional stimulation, which I am only TOO happy to give him, and I usually get a few Os out of that myself, too, plus the look on his face is priceless,) which is OK, but I really like the full body feeling of a man ON me and IN me after the first few orgasms.

    That’s just me.

  31. For some unknown, inexplicable reason, I often use the term ‘arrive’ (or ‘arrival’) instead. I won’t swear that it’s better, but it does avoid the whole come/cum conundrum.

  32. Enrique-
    There’s definitely no reason to apologize on my account, at least. I don’t find the use of ‘cum’ to be offensive so much as low brow. It always puts me in mind of ‘Penthouse Forum’ letters, which have a high ‘ick’ factor in my book. I agree with you 100% on the ‘spunk’ issue, though. Em and Lo have the right of it, I think.

  33. The are a lot of sharing from guys: how wfeel when we get head jobs.

    How about you ladies? What makes you feel good when your guy goes down on you? Please share with us what makes you feel good? What you would you like us to try?

  34. Thank you for the enlightenment all, and I apologize to those that I may have offended. Slartibartfast, you’re right there are better words to use.

    P.S. I think the use of the word spunk is by far the creepiest.

  35. What moves make you mene “ejaculate” fastes like is it the licking of the tip, how should I use lick the shaft, how do I move my tung, what do I do with my lips? ext.

  36. Thank you, Em and Lo, for bringing attention to something that’s always bothered me. ‘Cum’ has always struck me as innately cheesy and I resolutely refuse to use it. There are so many other options which are more imaginative or at least don’t creep me out.

  37. I actually don’ think “cum” is a real word at all. The noun is “ejaculate” “semen” or the highly acclaimed and classy “spunk” “jizz” or it’s Middle English root “jism.”

  38. Dear E&L–Were it not for the minor problems of one of you being married I would marry you both for the sheer common decency of that answer.

  39. May we humbly suggest, when discussing matters of ejaculation, that we abandon “cum” in favor of “come” — it really just elevates the discussion, don’t you think? We would be forever grateful! And of course, let’s not forget “climax” and “orgasm” and even “ejaculate” — those are nice action verbs too.

  40. Enrique, I was simply stating my opinions and experiences, everybody is different. If people like 15 minutes or 5 minutes or 3 minutes, and they are both happy, that’s great.

    As for your question: “As for Lady’s First…Do you, women, want to cum first, or cum multiple times? The voice of maturity is to give more than you receive.”

    Well, usually both. (Like most men, mine tends to lose interest a little after he comes, not always, but often. Not that he wouldn’t try, but it’s better for both of us if I’ve already got my motor running for the majority of the love making.) Why would women need to choose? As I stated my Man is older (he’s 50) and it seems like we “start” with my first O. Things only get better for both of us after that. I get more into it and more turned on after the stress of getting to that first O is over. That’s the way my Man likes it most of the time, as well. (He’s one of those men who would rather go down on a woman than do anything else.) I don’t lose interest after one or two or even 10 Orgasms, so it goes on as long as he likes or we both like, so he usually gets MORE than he wants. LOL! 90 minutes to 2 hours is about our at least twice a week Marathon session, with at least 6 or 8 or sometimes more shorter Loves Sessions during the rest of the week.

    We didn’t plan it that way, it’s just how things have been working since we are closing in on the Home Stretch to the “Empty Nest” (OK it’ll be 7 to 8 years until the youngest is in college, but two are grown, and one is in High School, so we’re on our way.)

    We have found sex tends to get better and last longer as you get a little older, although my man has always like long love making, as have I (except when we had little babies….no time for 2 hour marathons with an infant who only sleeps 2 hours around.)

    I certainly didn’t mean to make anyone who doesn’t have the stamina for longer play feel bad. It’s about what works for YOU and your Lover and if 15 minutes is about what works, than keep up the good work. !!!!

    My point was that that wasn’t a “rule” for all men, especially men who are a little older only want a 15 min or less BJ. Or, women who don’t mind or even LOVE a long BJ.

    Like I always say, Your mileage may vary. And variation is most of the fun.

  41. Madamoiselle L: I agree. I LOVE getting a nice long BJ, but you are painting a picture where a BJ and foreplay are mutually exclusive. I think your expectation may make some BJ givers who don’t have the stamina or taste for cum feel like underachievers for not being able to blow their guy for more than 15-minutes.

    Furthermore, it takes most guys longer to cum a second time “or second detontation.” I had this gf who would give me great oral and get me to cum first, which was shortly followed by marathon sex with her having multiple O’s. I am pretty sure it was all part of her plan.

    I think the next Em & Lo poll should be: Do you want a 15-minute awesome blow job, or 30-minutes of bad head.

    As for Lady’s First…Do you, women, want to cum first, or cum multiple times? The voice of maturity is to give more than you receive.

  42. Enrique said: “Men don’t need BJs to go on for 15 minutes, so the better you are at it, the faster we get off and it’s done.” That’s not really true. In a long term relationship, with an older man, when a man has some to drink, or when either you or he simply WANTS it to go on longer, a good blow job can, and often SHOULD last longer than 15 minutes.

    Maybe a guy who is really young, and doesn’t get it that often will cum very quickly, but older men often intentionally and unintentionally take their time. Also, in a lot of good sex, there is a lot of changing what you are doing, so the beginning giving him oral sex may segue into him going down on you, or your deciding to move to 69, or a different oral sex position, (Man on top is always my favorite) or intercourse, or all kinds of things.

    My man is experienced and often lasts a LOT longer than 15 minutes (thank God) no matter what we are doing. Experienced men know to hold out, and make sure “Ladies First” is the rule of the act, (and for those of us who have many more than one orgasm, 15 minutes of ANY type of sex, leaving out the super quickie is simply disappointing.) Every one is different, but 15 minute sex is an Uber Quickie for us.

    As for ladies who “get tired” the more you practice, the more stamina you will have. It’s FUN to draw it out, slow down or stop (just for a minute) right before he hits the “point of no return” and basically make the pleasure before the Blow Up last as long as possible.

    Unless you are in the balcony of the theatre, or in the park, or the kids are going be wake up any minute, some of us really try to make it last longer than a short 15 minutes.

    Your mileage may vary.

  43. I dont like the taste of cum but my hubby loves it when I swallow. My trick, I put a piece of gum before the bj so the taste of the gum hides the taste of cum.
    Warning: Dont use any kind of minted gum, I’ve been told it burns.

  44. My wife doesn’t like to give BJs because she says she gets tired, but playboy radio pretty much summed it up. Men don’t need BJs to go on for 15 minutes, so the better you are at it, the faster we get off and it’s done. My problem is that I will hold back because it does feel awesome.
    As some one pointed out, find out what your guy likes.

  45. Knowing when to use variation,(tongue speed, flicking or swirling, and moderate or heavy pressure (men tend to NOT like light pressure much at all) when to move and when to suck, and when to take the whole thing down, it’s kind of like going underwater, hold your breathe on the way down, and exhale on the way out, knowing how to “open your throat” (like when you have to swallow a horse pill, like those huge while ones for UTIs) and work on desensitizing your gag reflex, it CAN be done, and it doesn’t have to hurt at all. Just take it one step at a time, at first.

    Also, knowing when to KEEP doing the same thing, at the same speed, and when NOT to use any variation at the time. His balls will start to pull up NEAR his body when he’s close to orgasm, so DON’T CHANGE what you are doing then, and keep doing it with the same force, friction and speed. (At least most men are like this, ASK him, if you need to know. Have him SHOW YOU with his hand the amount of force and pressure he likes. I guarantee, if you are new to this what he will like is STRONGER than you would think. And, don’t forget the boys. Men tend to like some sucking and pulling on their balls, most of them, anyway. In fact, some men find this so intense they may actually push you away, (it’s a reflex, he’s not being mean) just go back to his cock and you’ll both be fine.

    Once you get to know him (or maybe before that) using his prostate (from the OUTSIDE at first) is great. Push a few knuckles against his taint, right below his balls, you’ll find a small “third ball” what feels like the “root” of his penis, that may be his prostate, men who aren’t “afraid” you are going to go in the backdoor will really like this. Hell, go in the back door a little, if he likes that, too. (I’d ask first, some men are weird about that, or even scared, DON’T do that if he doesn’t like it, or is afraid, like anything else.)

    Don’t touch him the way YOU like to be touched, listen to his body and his voice to see how HE likes to be touched and mouthed.

    If you are in a monogamous relationship, after a while you’ll get to know what he likes, and if he isn’t inhibited, he SHOULD tell you what he likes, what is isn’t crazy about, what is or isn’t working at the moment (every BJ is different) and what he doesn’t like.

    I don’t have to tell you ladies to ENJOY it yourself. (My God, a lot of us more experienced ladies cum when we do it, it’s so much fun…..) Don’t loll around or lie on your bent elbow like you’re watching TV and lazily sucking a lollypop, unless it’s been a good 2 hour session and you have GOOD REASON to be tired. If YOU are into it, he will be, too. Some guys like eye contact, it’s too intense for others. If you keep looking up at him, and he closes his eyes, keep your eyes on your work, Girl!

    If he is really into it, he’s probably gonna ask you (or tell you) to swallow, which you may or may not want to do. A dirty little secret. If you really DON’T want to, or just can’t. If he doesn’t have a condom on (unless you are monogamous, he SHOULD) just hold the jizz in your mouth, wait until the endorphins kick in (about 2 or 3 seconds) and quietly grab a kleenex from the headboard, and discreetly deposit the…deposit into that. By that time, he’s exhausted and probably half asleep (unless you haven’t cum yet, and then he’d better get to work) and he really won’t care at that point WHAT you do with the stuff. You can quietly place it in the kleenex and go back for your well deserved cuddle. A good man won’t care at that point WHAT you do with the stuff.

    But, you have to enjoy it. It might be scary the first few times, don’t take more than you can handle if you are new to this. But, work up to speed and if you LIKE what you are doing (and after a very short time, you’ll associate it with your OWN Turned On Feelings and it will be as fun as getting some for yourself) he will enjoy it even more.

    Good Luck, ladies.

  46. i recently had surgery on my jaw, and although it hasnt really displaced them i have the hardest time now not mauling him with my teeth! hes uncircumcised, and EXTREMELY sensitive. yes, i know about those creepy mouthguard things…but is there any way i could just change something im doing to reduce the risk of biting his member off? im pretty sure that would put a damper on our relationship, not to mention sex life.

  47. i really enjoy giving my boyfriend head. he loves it and i love giving him pleasure. when he cums it really doesnt taste that bad as he eats lots of fruit and stopped drinking coffee which dramatically inproves the taste. you just shouldnt think about it and just swallow it before it enters your mind. if your a beginner to giving head you should begin with tossing him off first until he almost climaxes then go down on him. that way you wont have to spend too long down there and you wont gag or get bored.

  48. Guys,
    When a woman/man puts so much enthusiam into giving you pleasure it should be returned. Your woman/man would really apricaite that.

  49. Hi Daizy,

    It doesn’t hurt right after, but it feels extremely weird. Like, very ticklish.

    A few minutes aught to do the trick.

    And kudos to you for being so fellatio-positive!

  50. Guys… after you finish, do you like it when your partner keeps going? or does it start to hurt?

    Also, how long of a recharge period do you need after you finish? After a few minutes I already want to go down on my boyfriend again, but I don’t know he needs more time.

  51. 1. Lots of spit
    2. Lots of sound (moaning & slurping)
    3. Steady rhythm
    4. If possible, depth of insertion

    That’s what makes a great BJ.

  52. my ex man asked me 2 give a blow job ad at 1st i realy didnt want 2 but whn i saw how he reacted mmmmmmmm i would luv 2 try it again ovr and or no problem

  53. I agree, it’s not fair to say no teeth. I always used to say no teeth, but found the only women I could find with no teeth were over 86 years old. This was not a problem in itself, but I had trouble maintaining long-term relationships with them as they kept dying.

  54. Thanks guys for all the info…definitely helpful!

    I love giving bjs in the sense that it is so hot to watch my boyfriend loose control and get off! And I know he likes when I go all the way but I would rather start with a bj but finished by having sex since then I get something too. Sorry but having a guy cum in my mouth is not as hot as having my own orgasm!

    Please know that while many of us love doing it we can also get a little tired. You guys may not realize how exhausting this is (I’m not sure if going down on us is equivalent). But my mouth gets tired and that’s when I’m afraid I may accidentally use my teeth.

    Also my legs and back start to hurt from maintaining that sexy view either on my knees or straddling him. Is it okay to pause while I switch positions?

  55. @Arieda
    What about 69? I like that a whole lot better than giving just a bj.
    And make sure your gagging reflex isn’t engaged. Jenna’s suggestion is great too, first oral to get horny, then penetration.

  56. First, I (and hopefully all men) love the feeling of a BJ and you (all spouses) know it, so don’t make me/us ask you for one or tell you I want one when we have sex. It needs be part of almost all love making sessions. Surprise me sometimes with a BJ: in the car, wake me up with one, I come home from work push me down on the bed like you mean it and give me one.

    Second, men a very “visual” when it comes to sex. So wild messed-up hair we can run our fingers through and gently grab, to great eye make-up like you are a sexual diva is great. A pushup bra to show a lot of cleavage when I look down at you verses no bra so I can see your breast and nipples bouncing. Blindfold me sometimes to take the “visual” away and maybe some light bondage by tying my hands to the bed frame so you can surprise me, leave me wondering what is coming next: enthusiasm then pause and watch me writhe, suck on an ice cube or drink hot tea first then take me into your mouth, etc.

    Third, what feels good? The head of the penis can be “very” sensitive (not good, not pleasurable), not very sensitive (does nothing for us), or somewhere in between (good), so “feel out” the situation and adjust as needed. About a 1/2″ past the head of the penis, on the underside is a very good spot. Slide your lips back and forth over that area. This will distract from a “very” sensitive head and the heat of your mouth feels great. About 1″ at the base of the shaft is the next good area, so slide as much as possible into your mouth to hit that spot with your lips. Now alternate a couple strokes between those two good areas. To make those areas more sensitive, gently grab the “skin” of the scrotum (not the testicles inside, that hurts sometimes!) and gently pull “down” or “back”, this will stretch the skin on the penis so it will not “move” up and down with your mouth, now your lips will generate more movement over the good areas. To give yourself a break, run the tip of your tongue over the skin where the scrotum meets the body, down one side, across the bottom near the anus, and up the other side. If you suck on the testicles do it gently (hard sucking pulls hard and hurts) or “roll” them around with your tongue.

    Fourth, the finish. I love to finish in your mouth. How good does it feels? Imagine you are receiving oral sex, you are in the groove, building up to the orgasm, getting near the edge, about to go over…and your partner stops licking your clit when you start coming and uses his fingers to finish you. Sort of “anti” climactic isn’t it. When I come, the head gets “very” sensitive, so try to keep your lips off of the head until you finally pull the penis out. When I come, I will be jerking my hips upward which will push my penis deep into your mouth, I may even grab the back of your head to help push my penis deep into your mouth, it’s part of the orgasm, we can’t help it. Also, because having the bottom 1″ of the shaft (along with the rest of my penis inside you) stimulated when we come…is great. If you can deep throat, it will be absolutely amazing. If you can not deep throat, place your hand around the base of the shaft at a point where you can fit as much as possible into your mouth as we “loose all control”! After I come, keep working your lips up and down the shaft for about 30 to 60 seconds, there are a lot of orgasmic after shocks you can work on. If you swallow, look us in the eyes and do it like you mean it, it will drive men wild (remember we are “visual”). If you can’t swallow, have a towel ready, dip your head and get rid of it.

    Men, please…have good hygiene! Be careful with the scissors and razor.

    Wow…now I have to get my wife 😉

  57. I honestly enjoy giving my man a bj. Its really turns me on to see how he reacts to what I am doing. I love to try flavored oils and lubricants.

  58. I have been told that I am fantastic at giving head, and by more than one guy. I believe the expression, “A golf ball through a garden hose” was used once. My bf actually asks for them all the time. Problem is, I don’t care for giving them. I’m glad that my bf enjoys it and has fun but it bores me and isn’t a turn on. So how do I work with that? And the whole sucking the sperm thing; eew. I tried it many years ago and you know what? It was like trying to swallow peroxide (I had a mouth injury that required me to gargle peroxide if you’re wondering why I know the taste).

    Any advice for a woman who just can’t get into it?

  59. Jenna.

    That would feel great. I like to do a similar thing with my GF. I like to give her oral sex, I like eating her pussy, make her very wet and horny, and then I penetrate her.

    Then I like going down on her and driving her crazy, then again, penetration.

    Make sure you are moving on top before he comes. That would not be fun, to ejaculate in the air.

    Nothing is better than alternating penetration and oral sex.

  60. I appreciate all the input guys on preferences when it comes to blowjobs. I know there are so many of us ladies that just adore it, and those that might need help. I get that some mwn are so grateful that they don’t want to discourage or interrupt.. but just like we may be afraid to question, don’t be afraid to point out something afterwards that would really drive you into the headboard. I knew that the moment I saw my guy’s eyes roll back that communication was a part of it. And to keep her from feeling like she didn’t please you at all (even if she struggled a bit) tell her what you did like and give her a few tips. “Differnt strokes” and all that. We learn by doing. Point of fact, we don’t have that nifty appendage you have spent so much time with, and could use your sexpert advice. Whether its teeth, or no teeth, ball handling, or no, keep sucking or stop immediately… there is so much for us to know about you.
    My point – eye contact is sexy, confidence, gusto, and overall appeal for giving the guy you are with the sensation of a lifetime is what we strive for everytime, but communication has to be in there somewhere… Or you might as well expecting the royal treatment from something as animated and knowledgable as a blow up doll. Which would you prefer? That should be the real question boys.

  61. Question for the guys, how do you feel about us getting you to the point of ejaculation and then getting on top of you? Is that acceptable, I like the feeling of “together” at the same time, my man has never complained of having it done that way, but I get so excited making him “happy” that I just want to finish by getting on top and giving him a ride. Any responses would be appreciated 🙂

  62. For you ladies:

    What I consider to be an awesome BJ.

    First off the Rules apply:

    1) It had to be done voluntarily.
    2) You need to show signs that you like what your doing.
    3) Teeth are OK but do not bite
    4) Most important, if you plan on completing the job do not stop as soon as I ejaculate – some men orgasm during and after ejaculation. If you are not the type to swallow then use your hand.

    Additional Things that take it over the top.

    Make and OK symbol with your hand so that the thumb and first finger are wrapped around the shaft of the penis. As you take into your mouth keep the finger right under your lips squeezing with a semi-firm grip. Make sure you stop your fingers at the head of the penis so as not to make your partner shoot too quick.

    Swirl your tongue around the base of the head on the penis it is very sensitive there.

    Make eye contact and smile during the event, not saying stare at me just keep making eye contact.

    Play with the scrotum but be careful not to squeeze.

    Find a good rhythm that works for me, too slow it will never happen, too fast and I get friction burns.

    Reminder, do not stop as soon as I ejaculate.

  63. I agree about the lubrication part. When a girl uses a lot of saliva I find it extra nice.
    Personally,I like it when a girl uses her hand a bit as well.
    I also enjoy it when it feels like she is really enjoying it too, nothing feels better when I look down and she is working it with a passion.
    Some girls also do it by sliding their lips along the penis. nice.
    Teeth – keep them out of the way!
    Don’t over do it by licking the head of my penis too much, it can hurt a bit.

  64. I’m definitely a subscriber to the “no teeth” philosophy. Though a little contact doesn’t hurt, imagine it from the lady’s perspective – it must be very difficult to differentiate between a tickle and utter agony; best to play it safe.

    Can’t say eye-contact is particularly important to me, but I do like having my balls fondled while being sucked off. Of course the big question will always be whether to neck it down or not. Now, though I LIKE being swallowed, I have three conditions:
    1) It’s done voluntarily.
    2) It’s done without gagging, choking or fuss.
    3) She stops sucking the second I ejaculate – it’s bloody sensitive afterwards.

    Been with a couple of girls who’ve just asked me to wank straight in to their mouths – probably quickest and easiest solution for all concerned!

  65. Seems as if the ladies want truth. I am prepared to give it, but unfortantely very limited by experience.

    I have never experienced a BJ I like. Currently I decline all offers of a BJ.

    In my mind I can see no point in it if I am not going to be sucked (operative word) till my sperm is swallowed. (A woman sexologist actually used these words (similiar obviously) to me and I agree, I was asking about the technicalities of aids transfer with BJ’s. She said the the stomach acids take care of the necessary and chances are remote) My experience is that most woman are too queesy to swallow. Stopping before I ejaculate is like that email of loading the trolley full of nice things etc…and then not paying for it at the till. I am sure you all have received it.

    It seems as if I can’t get one where the teeth is in the way.

    Teeth means injury and I stay in South Africa. Wound could mean aids.

    Seems as if I am the only male who does not like them though so I must be doing something wrong in my mind.

  66. My opinion, a great blow job is when a girl:

    1) Has deep throating skills. Long and deep strokes is all it takes.

    2) A very wet mouth. Women that have this ability to get their mouths wet , very wet while deep stroking .

    3) Uses mostly her mouth and tongue, as opposed to her hands.

  67. I really hope some guys don’t mind a little bit of toothy exposure. My lips aren’t the biggest, and it’s been mentioned to me before that I’ve let the teeth slip by accident x_x Eek.

  68. Yes, I agree Shasta. Since we don’t know, TELL US!! We can’t learn if you won’t teach.

    Honestly I found this article to be a bit disappointing. I was expecting some juicy tips or sound advice, like “Make eye contact” or “Do this thing with your tongue where…” I know it’s all about personal preferences, but there have to be some things that are universal. And even if they aren’t universal, it’s nice to just have a guy’s perspective, even if it’s his individual tastes. Who knows, maybe one time this person did this one thing that was great, and we ladies just haven’t thought of it yet since no one will tell us what it feels like to get a blowjob.

    Do the men in our lives a favor, will ya???

    And I agree with Jack Alan about the teeth thing, one guy I dated really liked it (and he wasn’t just saying that).

  69. Guys,

    Why don’t you tell us readers what it feels like to have your dick sucked?

    Most of us want to be pleasers, but you’ve got to help us out a bit.

  70. Personally, I don’t think it’s fair to say, NO TEETH. I happen to love teeth, and I know for a fact that I’m not the only man who does. I’m not saying I like being used as a chew toy, but a little nibble or tooth scrape here and there is exhilarating. Especially when he makes eye contact with me. My golden rule: Every man is different and enjoys different things. It’s just a matter of figuring out what those things are. When you’re going down on him, use your senses. Listen. Does he moan louder when you do that thing with your tongue? Touch him. Put a hand on his chest or legs. Are his thighs and torso tightening when you hum? Look him in the eye. Does his head tilt back when your teeth gently scrape along his shaft? Mine does. His might too. I’ve noticed some guys are a little hesitant to admit that they like a little tooth action, because all they’ve ever heard since age 13 is how much of a bad thing it is. If he adamantly swears against it, then you have your answer. But if he’s open to it, it just might be his favorite thing. You’ll never know until you try and find out, and that’s the fun part. There’s nothing more unsatisfying than a “one size fits all” blowjob. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, its a partner with a “sex doll” mouth and a head like he’s bobbing for apples. Remember, variety IS the spice of life.

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